When things began to become more permanent, I found that my life was
governed by the "good", and the "bad" days. I had to see how I felt each day,
before I could decide how I would spend my time.
I had to work out how I would do things, how I would travel to places I needed
to go to, allow extra times for each task, to allow for travelling, and for
undergoing each activity.
I felt that life was carrying on without me, that everyone else could plan
their time in advance, they didn't need to worry about how they would do things,
They just got on with it, something I missed being able to do.
I had to give up many of the things I enjoyed doing, as well as the things I
didn't particularly like doing, but which needed to be done, and find new things which I knew I COULD manage.
I had to depend on others to help me, which meant asking for help, something
which I hated having to do. Therefore I was having to give up my independance.
Eventually I had to give up working altogether, I just couldn't do it anymore,
this therefore made me financially dependant as well. I felt cheated in a way.
My self esteem sunk to an all time low, my roles had gone, I needed to find
something which I could do, and do as well as I could at it.
I needed to find some ways of working around my disabilities, and not let them
control me.
I needed to accept my condition, and not just become resigned to it. In all, I needed to get help from somewhere!
This page was created 05/01/01 - 10:52:30
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