Title: The SG:A Mary Sue Of Doom.... The Sequel!
Author: Dru
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay, Maybe others.
Summary: A Sequel to my fic The Stargate: Atlantis Mary Sue Of Doom! ... I'm baaaaack!
Archive: HELL NO! Who'd in their right mind would want to archive this insanity?!?! ...Well ok if you really want to!
Rating: I'm gonna make it M for safety sake but I don't think they'll be anything too horribly bad though. Ok maybe some cursing. Ok maybe a lot of cursing! And Sex. Ok yeah there's sex. Maybe. *twitches* Oh if you're reading this you're so clearly not a wilting flower so hush!
Parts: 1/?
Status: WIP
Website: http://www.geocities.com/dru_evilpointybiteyone
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone of SG:A but I DO own me. I'm all mine! I own Harem to. Oh sure she'll try to say you can't own people but we all know she's my bitch.*looks over* HAREM! Put down that anvil! No killing me! Bad Puppy! Bad! *looks back to reader* Erm you just go back to reading...I'll handle this.
Authors notes & Warnings: I was bored. My other fics weren't working well so I was just reading old stuff and well this plot bunny bit me, the muses got interested, and so here we are again! WARNINGS for Mary Sue, same sex pairings, insanity, in jokes that you won't get if you're not me or Harem, and.... well my normal brand of weirdness! If you're still reading by this point enjoy! Oh and this time I'm dragging a friend along for the ride! Introducing....Harem! My friend and now victim guest in this fic!
---
Dru groaned. Her head was killing her. Oh joy. Nothing like waking up sick!
"Lass? Can ye hear me?"
That got her attention! She cracked a eye open then closed it again then opened both and stared. "Whoa. So I'm here again. Months and months of trying to find the right food combos and it finely happens again! Woot! Go me!"
Dr. Beckett looks more then a little worried. "Oh dear....ye must have hit yer head harder then we thought when ye landed from....whereever it is you came from. Of course this isn't much different from what ye sounded like the last time if I'm remembering the screaming right."
She smiled brightly as a person with a killer headache can. "I landed on my head? That would explain why I feel like I got hit by a mack truck. And yes this is normal for me. I've been told I'm a thundering loony by most people who know me. But don't worry. I'm not the dangerous kind of crazy. I'm waaaaaay to lazy to do all the work. I mean stalking? Soooo much work! Following, hiding in bushes, breaking and entering to go though their stuff, ack! So hard! And killing? Gah all the digging to hide the body! No thanks!"
Beckett's eyes got wider and wider as she babbled and he slowly backed away despite the fact that she was restrained as much as possible, and on top of that at Col Sheppard's and McKay's demands she was also ductaped, and tied with rope and chains to the bed. They didn't know how she got free the last time and they didn't want it happening again! Injures or no injures!
"Erm... are you ok? You're looking kinda pale. And by the way why am I looking like Spike in Season 4?"
Beckett kept backing up till he hit the doors. "Uh lass I have ta to go check on something. Ye...ye just stay here." He quickly ran from the room locking it with his ATA gene on the way out.
She groaned staring up at the ceiling. "Oi. Once again here I am....meh. You'd think a fantasy would be a lot more fun and a lot less painful then this!"
---
"We have to figure out what she is and how she keeps getting onto Atlantis!" Sheppard insisted as he paced back and forth across Dr. Weir's office.
"What do you expect us to do John? Go in there and torture her? How do you know that would even work? We know she some how freed her self and disappeared for months until now the last time she was here. What says the extra restraints you've used will help at all?" Dr. Weir questioned rubbing her temples.
John scowled. "Well we have to do something! That...thing is a menace! And you heard what Beckett said. She's also completely insane!"
"Well we knew that from last time already! Remember the singing?!" Rodney snapped.
"Yes I remember the singing! And her evil powers that made us....you know!" John snapped right back.
Beckett snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh yes the great evil powers that have had the two of ye shagging in every corner of Atlantis for Months now even after she's gone. She must be more powerful then the Ancients with powers like those!"
Rodney glared. "You know I just remembered hearing something about problems with the temperature controls in the section your room is in. Might got down to freezing! Hope you bought you're parka!"
"Yes quite a good thing I did. Oh and did I mention the new vaccinations ye'll be needing? Sadly we'll need the extra, extra, extra large needles and extra extra extra thick serum!"
"Children! Can we focus here, please?!" Dr. Weir snapped before they could get any farther into their bickering.
They both scowled but stopped.
"Good. Now what are we going to do with her? We can't keep keep her tied up in the Infirmary forever!"
"Why not?"
"Rodney...."
"Fine fine fine. Why don't we try to find out where she's from and send her back there. Then find a way to keep her from coming back!"
"Can we risk that? Remember last time? She knew things about us that no one should be able to know. She could be a security risk."
"Would you stop sounding like a even more paranoid version of Bates! It's annoying!" Rodney snapped.
"Don't be insulting! And you know it's true!"
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Ok fine yes she could be a security risk. But do you really want to keep her around? Dr. Weir is right about us not being able to keep her tied up forever! So do you want her hanging around?"
John flinched. "No. Fine ok we'll interrogate her and find out what she is and where she's from and find a way to get her back there."
"Glad you've seen the error of your ways. Now come on!" With that Rodney stood up and headed out without looking back.
Everyone sighed more then used to him and followed, John calling in a crew of Marines as he walked.
---
"Iiiiiiiii'll! be misses! I will be his misses! Misses Anya Lame Ass Made Up Maiden Name...Harris! We'll never part! Not if we can! And if we start! then here's my plan. I'll show him what Bliss is. Welcome him with kisses! Cause this is a misses who misses her maaaaan! He's my Xander and he's awfully swell! And it make financial sense as well! Although he can be...I'll never tell! Just stand a side! Here comes the bride! I wiiiiiil beeeeee-" Dru was jerked from her singing as the door slid open and a small crowd stormed into the room.
"SHUT UP!" Rodney bellowed.
She blinked. "Umm... not a Buffy fan?"
John glared at her. "Alright talk! And I'm not going to fall for any of your evil tricks this time!"
Dru gave them her most innocent 'Why me?' look. "Why whatever do you mean Major Sheppard?"
"Colonel!" John snapped.
"Ooooh we've moved that far in time since I was last here? Oooh is the Guard Dog here yet?!"
John started to ask what the hell she was talking about but shook his head. "Oh no you don't! I'm-"
"We!" Rodney interrupted.
John growled. "We are asking the questions here! Now who are you, how do you get in here, and how do you get out?!"
Dru decided to be nice and answer a few question. "I'm Dru. I'm a 20 erm almost 21 year old fanfiction writer. I'm dreaming. Yup! You're nothing but a peanut butter, potato chip, and pizza sandwich giving me hot slashy fandom dreams! ok the bruises when I woke up where harder to explain....but erm it's all psychosomatic! You see stuff like that on TV all the time! You get hurt in a dream and your mind hurts your body. ...or something like that anyway.... And I get out when ever my alarm clock goes off. And since I don't know when that will be sex to the sex already before I wake up!"
Sheppard backed up and hissed at Beckett. "Uh how brain damaged did you say she was?"
"The scans dinna show any damage other then the bruising where she hit her head on the floor. But...maybe I should re run a few of those scans. Maybe I missed something." Beckett said staring at Dru with a weird combination of worry for her and fear for himself.
Dru sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not brain damaged! I'm just....strange! Although I could do with some pain killers here! Didn't you take an oath thingy?!" She asked switching over to pitiful whining.
Dr. Beckett blinked then looked guilty. "Aye lass of course." Walking out of the isolation room they were keeping her in to get something for her.
"Hey! Isn't that giving aid and comfort to the enemy?!" John complained.
"Oh shut up John! Like we haven't had out own share of concussions and demanding drugs?"
John just scowled and muttered at that.
"Erm I don't have a concussion. He said there was no signs of anything wrong. A Concussion would be wrong. And anyway wouldn't there have to be things of not letting me fall asleep for fear of a coma and stuff? And shouldn't that have happened anyway with a head injury?! Rodney's right you people are voodoo doers!" She complained.
Beckett came back carrying a needle fully of liquid. "There were no signs of concussion or other brain damage from any of the tests we ran but I'm going to re-run them to be sure now that you're awake." He said as he swabbed her arm then jabbed her with the needle.
"Yow!" Dru yelped when he stuck her.
"Ack dunna be such a baby! Yer worse then Rodney!"
"Oh now that's just insulting!"
"Hey! What is this gang up on McKay day?!"
"Yes." Half the room chorused then blinked at each other.
McKay growled at all of them.
"Alright all of ye who are not in the medical field get out of here! Ye can go back to interrogating her after I finish with her."
"But-"
"No buts Colonel! Out!" Beckett ordered.
Everyone decided annoying the man with the large needles was not in their best interest and filed out.
Dru scowled at the ceiling once again thinking that this was one lousy fantasy!
---
Beckett had finely allowed everyone back. "It's the same as before. Other then the bump on the head she's got nothing physically wrong with her. Whatever's the mater with her is not the result of her landing here."
"I could have told you that two hours ago! Now will you please get to the smutt already?! My alarm could go off any second!"
John opened his mouth to answer her but interrupted by the blare of alarms. "Oh what now!" He slapped his radio. "Sheppard to Control room what's going on up there?!"
Dr. Weir reported back with a long suffering sigh. "We have another one."
"What?!"
"She just crashed into the gate room. You'd better send a med team. Her landing looked worse then the first girl's was."
John moaned and covered his face. "Beckett get a medical team and report to the gate room. We have another one!"
Beckett didn't stop to ask questions he just raced off.
Dru squawked. "What?! How can there be another one?! This is my dream!"
John gave her a look. "Well there is. Looks like you're getting a roommate."
---
Two hours later Beckett and his team rolled a second bed into the room. "Ack lass looks like this little lass faired far worse then you did! Concussion, broken right leg, broken arm, along with a fair number of bruises."
Dru looked as much as she could with how she was tied up and frowned. The other girl looked familiar. "Erm hey could you untie me at least a little? If I'm going to be here a while this is really uncomfortable!"
Beckett gave her a look and flinched at the puppy eyes. "Ack I'll talk to the Colonel and Dr. Weir about it. Just....behave." He ordered before checking all the monitors then leaving the room with the rest of his crew.
Dru wiggled in her restraints grumbling to her self and wishing this was one of the Mary Sue's/Dreams/Whatevers where she had super powers.
The girl in the next bed groaned. "Argh! Byron I'm going to kill you for whatever you slipped into my rum!"
Dru froze and blinked and looked closer. "Harem?!"
The girl froze and slowly turned her head. "Huh? What? Where the hell am I and how do you know that name?!"
"Erm...It's me. Dru. You know from the internet?"
Harem blinked. She stared. She burst out laughing. "Oh my god! Look at you! Err...but uh how is this possible? And what's going on?"
Dru glared and wished for her Ziest Pocket and 100lbs anvils. "We're either in my dream, your dream, or a Mary Sue."
Harem blinked again the launched into what was clearly cursing in some language that Dru didn't understand. "I hate Mary Sue's! I don't want to be one!"
"Well to bad puppy. We are."
Harem scowled. Then she slowly started to leer. "Does that mean I can finely shag you?"
"No!" Dru snapped glaring.
"Awww! You no fun!"
"Duh!"
---
"Poke!"
"No."
"Pooooooke!"
"Nooooo."
"Pokepokepoke!"
"Nonono."
"Pokepokepokepoke!"
"Nononono."
"This doesn't work as well in spoken form as it does in messenger." Harem whined.
"Yeah. And there's no fun Ziest pockets or magic light switches or closets or rum." Dru sighed staring up at the ceiling. She was still tied up like a mummy and barely had enough room to breathe. "I wonder If I could maybe seduce Beckett into letting me go...."
"Hey! No fair! I'm not getting any action neither are you! I didn't even get to see the last McShep smutt! And I'm all batter and bruised ad broken and I think the drugs are wearing off!"
"Meh. Bitch bitch bitch. Some big tough were you turned out to be!" Dru snorted.
Harem glared over at her. "Oh and like you're super vamp, miss bondage!"
"Oh bite me!"
"I keep trying to but you keep saying no!"
Just as she was about to retort Beckett came back into the room. "Ahh our newest stranger. I see you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"I need drugs, sex, rum, and some Gimli/Legolass slash!" She snapped.
"Ew! Harem stop being gross!" Dru whined.
"Oh like you don't want some pretty gross pairings?!"
"My pairings are not gross!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Too!"
"Not!"
Dru smirked triumphunthly. "Ha! I win!"
Harem glared. "If I didn't want to get into you're pants I would so kill you."
Dr. Beckett just looks back and forth between then in confusion. "I uh. I'll go get ye something for the pain!" He said quickly and left.
"Look what you did! You scared him away before I could seduce him to letting me go!" Dru snapped.
Harem nearly choked laughing. "Oh yeah like that would ever happen!"
The argument was cut off when Beckett came back with a needle full of drugs. He pushed it into Harem's IV line. "There that should help things quite a bit."
"Hey! How come she got it in a IV line and I got stabbed!" Dru complained.
Dr. Beckett raised an eyebrow. "Ye dunna have an IV line in. Though I suppose if we're keeping ye like this for ling I'll have to put one in anyway."
Since she most certainly didn't want to stay like this Dru turned in the charm. "Oh you won't have to do that right? I'll be getting out of here soon won't I?"
"I'm afraid not lass. Yer not going anywhere for a while."
Dru's mind raced. She drew a blank. So she did the first thing that popped into her head. "Uh The healer with his magic powers. I could rub his gentle brow for hours. His manly chest. His stubbled jaw. Everything thing about him leaves me raw....with joy. Oh House- err Beckett you're very name will never leave this girl the same!"
Beckett looked more scared then when she was talking about killing people and quickly got out of the room.
Harem burst into hysterics.
If looks could kill Dru's would have melted her into oooze.
"What the hell was that?!" Harem managed to gasp between laughs.
"Umm....it was all the came to me. A Poem a patient wrote to House on House M.D." She admitted blushing.
"I was right all along! I'm so much cooler then you!" Harem snorted.
Dru glared and muttered.
---
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