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The saying goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm thinking that feeling shame is what this question is all about and it is clouding your ability to think clearly.
Are you going to let feeling ashamed of a so-called failure keep you from living a fulfilling life?
If this were your last week on earth, who would you want to share that time with? You've got to decide what is important to you and then start acting accordingly. Who cares what others think! Do they live in your head? Do they feel your pain?
Second, you seem to believe you need him more than he needs you, but that may not be so. If you are acting from a position of weakness (I can't live without him), he'll know it and may use your neediness to keep violating the rules of the relationship. But what if he needs you more than you realize? You may have had the power to set the rules all along.
If he's asking you to take him back, you have the ability to do what's best for you, too. You don't need to ease his guilt, but you will need to be patient and understand that change is difficult and does not come over night.
Third, many couples live by unspoken rules. Have you taken the time to spell out exactly your expectations? Perhaps your problem has been that you've never made it clear to each other what the ground rules are for your marriage.
I'm asking you to consider acting out of a position of strength and self-confidence at a time when you feel you have very little. But consider this: If your husband did not want to continue, you wouldn't be struggling with making this decision right now because there would be no decision to make. If he really wanted out, he would be gone already. By leaving it up to you, he's already saying that he wants to stay. What do you think?
How can I get over my marriage failures?
This is my second marriage, and once again, my husband has been unfaithful. He's the one who has strayed, but I feel like I'm the failure! If I stay I know I'll feel like a fool.
How can I ever decide whether to stay or go? Either way, I 'm going to lose.
