 |
| Before you read another page, I think it's time for a break. A Coca-Cola break. That's right, it's time for shameless corporate sponsorship! How do you think a fat lazy guy could ever hope to have the energy to write pages and pages of nonsensical text? Why thanks to the fine gents of the Coca-Cola Company. First created in Georgia, just like myself, Coca-Cola contains the right amount of sugar and caffeine to kick my muses into overdrive. So if you're looking to sit, back, relax, and have the jitters, grab a Coke. It's the real thing! (This ad has nothing to do with Coca-Cola. Drinking Coca-Cola will probably not give you the jitters or kick characters from Greek mythology into overdrive. Perhaps most importantly, fat people like Dr. Dave do not represent Coca-Cola drinkers or their company at large.) |
| We now return you to your comic, already in progress... |
 |
| Maddrraven? This is your great plan? You know, he tried to take over Hell and destroy the whole world, right? Yes...I know. You know God was the only one who could stop him, right? Yes. Then why in the hell are you bringing back the most evil son of a bitch we've ever faced? It's simple. Who else has a personal vendetta to settle with the Watcher? Who else has his power? You're turning into more of a wuss than me with each passing second, Blackbeard. But isn't there someone else? What about Crow? Your wonderful ex-wife used him as a rocket last time we were in hell and it nearly killed him. He's not going to be much help to us now... Just keep this in mind: Once I get my powers back, I'm going to kill that bastard. Fine. You do that. Let's get him back. |
| Ok. Here it is, a copy of the Masters of the Universe dvd. Great. Now how do we do this? Well...hmm...that's the question isn't it? I guess we should just watch it. Should we do anything while we watch it? Damn it! I don't know! I guess we could make a sacrifice to him or something. Well, what do you want to sacrifice? Let's see...I have these old chips and some easter candy. That might do. Is it in the shape of a cross? Well...sort of. I ate some of it, but it's definitely not gotten better with age. Yes, I think that will do it. Ooh! Courtney Cox is in this movie! She is soo freaking hot. Gentlemen, off with the pants! |
 |
| Two and some odd hours later... |
| Wow...umm...yeah. I will lust after Courtney Cox no more, forever. Ewww... Yeah, what the hell? That was one reaking pile of a movie. I'm going to break that damn dvd in half, give it here! No! You can't break it yet! We haven't gotten Maddrraven out of the movie! I don't care, this movie needs to be killed! As a pirate, it is my duty to destroy anything that corrupts the moral fiber of the upstanding citizens of the United States of America. Uhh...right. Well, in that case, go right ahead I guess. Thank you, Dr. Dave. You made the right decision. Unghhhh...ungghhhh...aghhh! Damn it! I can't snap it in two. Dave...will you step on this for me? Pfft...fine. Snap! Ta da! I am the greatest! No, I am the greatest! Mwa ha ha ha ha! |
 |
|
| MADDRRAVEN!! That's right, kiddies. Maddrraven's back! Now who do I have to thank for this great honor? Was it you, Blackbeard? Could your wife not stand to be without my nice, firm, evil-- Hold it right there, Maddrraven. Dr. Dave and I set you free for one purpose, to help save the multiverse. The multiverse? Why do I always have to do this? The term multiverse was first coined by a former chairman of the British Interplanetary Society named Andy Nimmo in 1960. The word itself refers to the known universe and the theory that there may be a series of unknown universes connected to ours that are yet unknown. Oh... Yes and since Dr. Dave spent most of this page rambling on about Special Relativity again, I have to use the age old showbiz technique of, "Let me whisper our plan in your ear so no one else knows what the hell is going on." |