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| Greetings pirates and friends of Dr. Dave. I come back to you now at the turn of the plot. I doubt you recognize me, but that is fine because none of you ever knew of me from anything but stories. But I am here now to speed things along. I am Crow the white. Wiser, stronger, more powerful and more of a spirual guide than a comic relief puppet. The long and short of it is that Dr. Dave lives and he is in perverting the land. I've come to get you to help save him! |
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| Yarr. That be a good plan and all, Crow. But how exactly we be finding Dr. Dave and how can we help him seein as how these girls are draped around us like shoddy curtains? There's one girl doing something to my leg that even my dog won't do anymore. It be disgracin' me first mate. S'cuse us while we shoot the wenches...unless you have any better ideas, Crow. Stop, pirates. For, I, the Crow, do have a better idea. What it be?! What it be?! I shall cure the girls of their calamities and they shall help us on our quest to save Dr. Dave and they will get more people to read this. They are quite attractive, you know. Now, ALA-KAZAAM! |
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| Thank you, gentlemen. I am now up to speed on the whole situation and quite capable of coming up with an ingenious plan to save our dear friend, Dr. Dave. From how you describe what Dr. Dave is doing, I can infer only one thing: he has become depraved of the two things he loves and needs most. However giving him a supple virging and a plate of chicken breasts will not appease him at this stage. The only thing that can stop him now is his most ultimate fantasy: a woman sculpted entirely of chicken breast meat so he can devour her completely or a huge injection of muscle relaxers. Both will be extremely difficult to find. The first because...well, obviously. The second, because everyone in Murray County are do-it-yourselfers...even when it comes to drugs. That's why so many trailers explode with illegal crank labs. So where to- |
| Lauren the Elder, your bravery and skill are not all that is needed to save us today, I'm afraid. No, today we require a much more powerful resource. A resource that I shudder to use...except that I know what Dr. Dave is capable of if he is left unmatched. We must consult she who lives in hell. Only the souls of the damned dare speak of that unholy power we must wield. We must be careful...for only the pure in heart can contain it. I have seen places where it has been misused. Places where holly grew and children ran naked in the streets unashamed...Places that are now no more. Come, we must away. On my wings we will ride! (Ride with Crow to next page) |
| And lo, when the times looked their darkest who should speak up out of the dark mist of oblivion, but Lauren the Elder. Lauren the Elder, the flaxen haired princess who with her fabled cleverness and mighty strength would free their troubled minds by giving them the keys to solve their unsolvable dilemmas. With a gleam in her fiery eyes she said, "BEHOLD!" and away in a flash she sped to the apothecary's shop where she was employed, the legendary CVS. Soon her legs of steel and her likewise crafted buns brought her to the shop. With brick from sacred parking lot, she created an entrance in the legendary shop. Her sharp glittering eyes soon spotted the item of lore. Sooner than dragons fly, she returned holding in her iron grasp the item they all so desperately needed. "Here you are, my bretheren. Take this mystical syringe full of relaxants for muscles so weary." And they all wept and cheered for Lauren the Elder had saved the day! |
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