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| Tsk, tsk. Dr. Dave, this piratey lifestyle is really getting to you. You're packing on the pounds. What's wrong, brother? I think what you need is to pick up my Sweatin' to the Oldies set. What? You like Pink Floyd? No, they're not on there. You can't sweat to them, big silly. They only give you the munchies. Come on, Dr. Dave. Let's do some jumping jacks! |
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| Uhh...maybe later. Right now what we really need is for you to get us in touch with Jesus. Can you do that? Also...how does a living person get made a guardian angel? Cause that's kinda creepy. |
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| What? I'm not your guardian angel, silly man. I'm just here because I saw your fat gut on your website. I'm here to slim you into shape. John Belushi is your guardian angel. But enough about that...we gotta get you thin. You're going to die, Dr. Dave, die of being fat. Do you want that? Jesus? Oh, sure. If you want Jesus, just call Al Sharpton. He knows. Now, back to excersi.... |
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| Yarr...sorry, Dr. Dave. I had to kill him. I couldn't help it. I guess it was best for him anyway. Here, use my cell phone to call Al Sharpton and get us out of here before Rosie shows up! |
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| (An Actual Phone Conversation!) Uhh..is this Al Sharpton? Yes, it is. What can I do for you today? Umm...we kinda need to talk to Jesus. just a little talk with Jesus makes things right... Uhh...ok. Umm...so do you like...uhhh...know his phone number or something? Phone number?! Boy, Jesus ain't got no phone! Then does he have a pager or email or anything? No, boy, no! To talk to Jesus...Uh!...you gotta get down on your knees...Uh!...Amen! And you gotta...Uh!...say what you want and you gotta...Uh!... -click- |
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| Yarr...well what'd he say? I dunno. I think he was choking or had the hiccups. I couldn't really tell. I just hung up. Shiver me timbers...now how we gonna talk to Jesus and ask him to get us out of here? It's ok. We have all eternity to think about that. Right now, let's...let's sing. "Gray skies are gonna clear up! Put on a happy face!." Yarr, if ye sing one more verse of that song, I'll kill ye! Gulp....JESUS! Scream all you want, he won't help you now. No, it's Jesus! Look! |
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| So, I hear you're in need of a Deux Ex Machina for your story, Dr. Dave. Well, what's a better machine of God, than God himself? Eh? And now, I'll just free you and allow you the chance to kill any of your enemies at no extra charge. So...who'll it be? |
| THE JEWS! THE JEWS! Umm...Dr. Dave, I'm Jewish. Sorry, but no go. Who else? Yarr, we don't much like the Spanish.... Kill everything good and holy! Please! Sorry, Blackbeard. That kinda goes back to the first thing I talked about. So...the Spanish then? I don't much like art. So...how about Spanish art? Yarr, it'll do. So it is written, so shall it be done. |
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