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Scene 11 Limbo, ROXIE’s Cell. (VELMA is center stage and crosses to chair over announcement to chair where ROXIE is sitting) MORTON: Ladies & Gentleman, Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation. "I CAN’T DO IT ALONE" VELMA: (to ROXIE) MY SISTER AND I HAD AN ACT THAT COULDN’T FLOP MY SISTER AND I WERE HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE TOP MY SISTER AND I EARNED A THOU A WEEK AT LEAST oh sure! BUT MY SISTER IS NOW UNFORTUNATELY DECEASED OH I KNOW IT’S SAD, OF COURSE, BUT A FACT IS STILL A FACT AND NOW ALL THAT REMAINS IS THE REMAINS OF A PERFECT DOUBLE ACT (ROXIE yawns.) Do you know that you are exactly the same size as my sister? You would fit into her wardrobe perfectly. Look, why don’t I show you some of the act, huh? Watch this! (VELMA begins to perform the act, doing both parts. Music up strong) Now you have to imagine this with two people. It’s swell with two people. FIRST I’D… DRUMS THEN SHE’D… SAXOPHONE THEN WE’D… TOGETHER BUT I CAN’T DO IT ALONE! THEN SHE’D… THEN I’D… THEN WE’D BUT I CAN’T DO IT ALONE! SHE’D SAY, "WHAT’S YOUR SISTER LIKE?" I’D SAY, "MEN," YUK, YUK, YUK SHE’D SAY, "YOU’RE THE CATS MEOW" THEN WE’D WOW THE CROWD AGAIN WHEN SHE’D GO… I’D GO… WE’D GO… AND THEN THOSE DING DONG DADDIES STARTED TO ROAR WHISTLED, STOMPED, AND STAMPED ON THE FLOOR YELLING, SCREAMING, BEGGING FOR MORE And we’d say, "OK boys, keep your socks up. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!" (VELMA dances, builds to a big finish. Sung:) BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT ALONE (She stands, exhausted, in front of ROXIE.) Well? What do ya think? ROXIE: Me? VELMA: Come on, you can say. (ROXIE gives her raspberry) OK, OK. The first part can always be re-written. But the second part was really nifty. Watch this. (Begins act again.) THEN SHE’D… THEN I’D… THEN WE’D… BUT I CAN’T DO IT ALONE! SHE’D SAY, "WHAT STATE’S CHICAGO IN?" I’D SAY,"ILL" DID YA GET THAT? SHE’D SAY, "TURN YOUR MOTOR OFF" (wild break) I CAN HEAR ‘EM CHEERIN’ STILL WHEN SHE’D GO… I’D GO… WE’D GO… Sideways AND THEN THOSE TWO-BIT JOHNNIES DID IT UP BROWN TO CHEER THE BEST ATTRACTION IN TOWN THEY NEARLY TORE THE BALCONY DOWN And we’d say, "OK boys, we’re goin’ home, but here’s a few more… partin’ shots!" And this we did in perfect unison. (The dance is even more frantic than before.) NOW YOU’VE SEEN ME GOIN’ THROUGH IT IT MAY SEEM THERE’S NOTHIN’ TO IT BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT ALONE (She stands before ROXIE, truly exhausted.) Ah, well…? ROXIE: (rising, unimpressed) Boy, they sure got lousy floor shows in jails now-a-days… (she starts off) I mean... VELMA: OK Roxie! I’ll level with ya. (ROXIE stops and turns) ROXIE: Listen, what did Mama just tell ya? It’s me they want now, huh? Haven’t you read the papers lately? I’m a star – I’m a big star… single. (ROXIE starts to exit again) VELMA: Thanks. ROXIE: Oh, nothin’ personal, you understand. (Roxie exits) VELMA: Nothin’ personal. Nothin’s ever personal. LIKE A DESERTED BRIDE ON HER WEDDING NIGHT ALL ALONE AND SHAKING WITH FRIGHT WITH HER BRAND NEW HUBBY NOWHERE IN SIGHT… I SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT ALONE… BLACKOUT |