What is wrong with me.
My entire life I've been alone, left to myself. Everyone I meet will not come close, they always keep their distance. They always look the other way.
My father loves his children, yet at the same time he can't stand to look at me. Every time his eyes look upon me, a shadow passes just behind his eyes. The look of sadness and sorrow break me in two.
My mother, a woman who is compassionate and thoughtful, can not stand to touch me. Each moment she is near me, is like standing next to a raging fire. If she chances a hug, she flinches at the slightest touch, as if I have burned her.
What make people turn away from me. Am I that bad inside, is there no good left inside of me. Am I empty. Every person that I meet looks at me with such revulsion and pity, that I can no longer stand the sight of others. I can no longer stand the look of sheer horror in their eyes.
I look deep inside myself, looking for this evil. I do not see it. All I see is emptiness. I see myself standing in desert, a empty plain. And then the ground drops in front of me and the darkness is revealed. I balance on the edge of this cliff, looking into the abyss.
I begin to wonder if it would be easier to just give up, to just fall into the darkness. I look further below me and I let go. I fall into the darkness.
At last, there is no one looking at me.
At last, I feel nothing |
