Will You Go Out With Me?

"Uh, sorry, I left the stove on." (THEN RUN LIKE HELL)

"I can't. My grandmother just died, and we have to air theold-person-stink out of her house."

"I'm not allowed to by my faith. They prefer if I date within myown kind."

"I would, but I wouldn't."

"I can't. I'm on level 89 of Pokemon Goes To Camp, and I justwon the 5th star."

"DUDE! BUT YOU'RE SO LIKE, UGLY!"

"Will you be accompanied by a hot brother, or a hot friend?"

"If I say 'yes', you won't eat me will you?"

"Sweet God, get yo hairy ass AWAY from this gold nugget!"

"I can't. I promised my little brother I'd teach him how to french kiss that night."

"Aw HEEEEEELLLLL NO!"

(if he touches you) "Hey, hands off the merchandice. The only man who gets to touchme like that is my dog"

"Dammit. And I was having a GOOD day."

(make sound of airplane wizzing thru the air and crashing)

"Wait a sec, you're not from the Visual Aid Club are you?" OR "Wait a sec, you're not from the Internet Club, are you?" OR "Wait a sec, you're not from the Chess Club are you?"

"Hey it looks like its Loser Opposite Day!"

"Are you lost?" "No, just wanted to chat." "Well...we don't CHAT."

"Are you the kid with the car that sounds like a shotgun?"

"Well well well, look who thinks he's the BIG MAN oncampus today?"

"Hey do you know what being rejected sounds like?"

"Whoa now....where'd you come from? PLEASE GO BACK! Hurry now,chop chop...before someone gets hurt."

(dropsto knees and screams) "NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and/or"SSSSSSSSTTTTTTTEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

(gulp) "I, uh...don't think Nintendo's cool and stuff..."

(when they walk up give them the WEIRDEST look...look down attheir pants) "Your fly's open." (when they look down, walk away)

"Is that your final answer?"

"And you are....?"

"Cha, you know what? UH UH." (wag a finger)

"Ever heard of phrases like, when hell freezes over, whenpigs fly, when the cows come home? Pick one."

"BYE BYE BYE!!!"

"I can't. I promised my lesbian lover I would wash her car inwhite shorts and a white see through tank top with no bra this weekend."

"Hello, Nasty"

"Am I on Candid Camera?"

"Man, I knew I shouldn't have smoked crack before 8th hour." (shake head and walk away)

"Wait, whaaaat?"

(laughs meekly) "You're joking right? Noo...? Damn."

"Aren't you going to be late for your chess club meeting?"

"Didn't your parents ever tell you Don't do Duds?"

(points in opposite direction) "OH GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT'STHAT?!?!?!" (when they look, RUN LIKE HELL!!!)

(look at them funny) They ask "What?", You say "OH MY GOD!WHAT IS THAT?!?!", they look scared.."WHAT?!?!"....you say..."Ohwait..that's just your face..my bad."

(Get a group of big jocks' attention and say...) "Uh,excuse me? Could you give this dork a wedgie for me? Thanks."

"Oh I'd simple ADORE going out with you!!" (they lookhappy and hopeful, then put your palm to their face and say) "PSYCH!!!"

"Oh, I know you!.......wait...no I don't. Sorry" (shrug, leave)

"Bip nigyup yup imple wagfracx zeenoth fweequ sadrig hava java!"

(SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER, stopabruptly, look at them for two seconds, turn, leave.)

"My brotha, I don know if you be understandin'mah side bro. See yous just gettin' up all in mah face an yo I ain't downwit that foo. So you an yo homes best be outta mah space before I get mahboyz up in here to make a beat down."

When he ask's you, give him an odd look, point down at himand yell down the hall "YO REGGIE!"

"Uh, is this a multipilechoice question?"

"Wait...is this a trick question?"

"Is this a rhetorical question?"

"Would you like to meet Butch (points to any random bigguy) who is my personal assasin?"

"Hahahaha....April Fool's to you too!"

"Wait...you're not Jesus is disguise right?" "No." "Welp,then judgment day hasn't come yet. SEE YA!"

"Wait....I know the answer to this!.........NO IN GOD-DAMNBLAZING HELL WOULD I GO OUT WITH YOUR PATHETIC NO LIFE EXISTANCE!" (highfives friend and leaves)

"Amazing...a dork...with...with...with...GUTS!"

"Don't be playin a sista like that...You almost gave me a heartattack!"

"Kid, even if you were the last friggen guy on the planetearth, and the face of human existance relied on you and I to repopulate theworld, I would STILL choose my right hand over you."

"Excuse me while I puke up my liver into the toilet."

"Wait...can you ask me that again? I just wanna grab mycamera...I could win $10,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos with this!"

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

"Ask my cat, if he says yes, then it's fine with me. And Iwant it in writing, with his signature."

"Uhm, here, fill out this dating request form. Expect an answer in around90 years years, or until notification of my death. Whichever comes first."

"Glue yourself across some busy railroad tracks for 24 hours. If you don't get hit by a train, come back, and we'll talk."

"Riiiighttt."

"Sorry, I would, but, uh, I gotta go walk over here now.." (proceed to run away)

"If I was shorter, uglier, lonely and desperate, I STILL wouldn't go out with you."

"Oh wait, are you Mark from Blink 182? Oh I didn't think so, GO BLOWYOUR SELF!"

(look up towards Heaven) "Somebody up there hates me."

(look up towards Heaven) "Is this a sign?"

"There is a hell. I'm living it"

"I've died and gone to hell. You must be mypunishment?"

"Uh, I can't. I'm doing my femaleimpersonator show tomorrow night."

"There is a god. And he has a sick sense of humor."

"I AM ASSERTIVE! I AM SAYING NO TO WHAT SHOULD BE AN ILLEGALSUBSTANCE THAT WILL GREATLY HARM MY BODY AND CAUSE ME EMOTIONAL PAIN!"

"My dog's sick."

"Uh, I have a fungus I need to get treated."

"I have a lot of pencils to sharpen. Finals are in a few months."

"Uhh...I don't think your internet girlfriend would like that."

"You're not good looking, you smell like cheese, your face looks like a cat in pain and you don't have 300 million dollars. What makes you think I would go out with you?

"I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was engrossed in that stain on your shirt. What is that anyway?"

"You don't really want me to answer. Do you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't date grease monkeys."

"Hold on, let me connect with my psychic channel.... (extend hands into a 'y' and tilt head back making a humming noise. Quickly replay:NO!)

"I'm sorry. I've made it a rule not to date people I dispise. It's bad for my self esteem."

"Oh goody! Let me go get a pen...so I can STICK IT IN MY EYE."