Analogies

The other day my buddie Dree and I were bored online, as usual. I began to think of that episode on Conan where they thought up hilarious analogies. Such as, Britney Spears (is to) 115 lbs of energy (as) Christina Aguilera (is to) 115 lbs of clown whore make-up. SO WE THOUGHT UP A BUNCH OF OUR OWN! Sorry, the colons are annoying, so I'll use paranthesis. Enjoy.

The Pope (is to) Celebecy (as) Bill Clinton (is to) Screwing any ugly whore that crosses his path

Jessica Simpson (is to) pre-marital sex (as) Christina Agulira (is to) anything with a penis

Pearl Harbor (is to) Oscar hopeful war-epic (as) JP3 (is to) Let's make another dino movie yeah yeah!!

Bill Clinton (is to) An annoying, but okay president (as) George W. Bush (is to) America exclaiming in one voice, "DOH!"

Mathew Broderick (is to) Talented actor who made bad career decisions (as) Keanu Reeves (is to) What the hell is a Keanu?

Blink 182 (is to) Kick ass band (as) LFO (is to) What is this, some kind of sick joke?

Boys (is to) stupid (as) George Bush (is to) People think I'm smart!

Nathan Lane (is to) Taking Broadway by storm (as) Donny Osmond (is to) Evacuating Broadway as though a hurricane was a-comin'

Dree (is to) good driver (as) everyone else (is to) drunken mobsters chasing down a "client"

Simpsons (is to) best cartoon ever made (as) Futurama (is to) drunken preschoolers messing around with crayons

Blue Man Group (is to) "Wow that was awsome." (as) Cats (is to) "PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE!"

Fox Mulder (is to) Incredibly hot FBI agent (as) Jessica Fletcher (is to) Old lady who kicks more ass than the local PD ever could

Barney (is to) A tooth-grinding, yet educational show (as) Teletubbies (is to) Sorry excuse for hidden porn messages.

Cher (is to) talented (as) Dree (is to) exellent at speaking chinese

Irony (is to) Great writing mechanism (as) Alanis Morisette (is to) God she's ugly, put some damn clothes on bitch!

Pre calc for an actor (is to) useless (as) Chris (is to) *NSYNC

Coffee (is to) Wakes you up in the morning (as) Caffiene free Diet Coke (is to) The closest thing to a depressant drug only it's legal and sold in cans.

Beanie Babies (is to) Wholesome toy collection (as) Tickle Me Elmos (is to) What the hell is the youth of America coming to?

December 7th, 1941 (is to) "A day that will live in infamy." (as) January 1, 2000 (is to) "Hey... we didn't experience the Apocalypse. Cooool."

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