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| o A Battered child * o A Better tomorrow * o A Breathless moment * o A Broken Angel * o A Castle on the hill ** o A child's cry * o A Child's Hand o A Stray Child * o A Child's Tears * o A fight I can't win ** o A Haunting Dream * o A Hero * o A Ghost *** o A Knight's Tale o A Little girl cowers *** o A Simple Tear o A Simple Ripple ** o A ship lost at sea o A Slave *** o A Stamp of Evil ** o A woman's way ** o Acceptance *** o Aimlessly * o All I want ** o All we can be ** o All we have *** o Alone Inside * o Always saying I'm sorry *** o Am I alone *** o Am I worthy ** o An angel descends *** o An Empty Pen * o Anger *** o As A Child *** |
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| Please do not reproduce any of the material here without asking me first. Thank you! |
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| * ** Means the poem appears on this page. |
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| Always Saying I am Sorry Stepping on my toes, Shattering my heart, Tossing my concerns aside, And yet, I whisper, I'm sorry! The angry words I hear, Wounding me, And yet, here I am, Always saying, "I'm Sorry" When it isn't me! Breaking my heart, Killing my soul, And yet, here I am, Saying "I'm sorry" When it should have been you! I did nothing wrong, No actions of fault our mine, And yet, here I am, Saying "I'm sorry" When it should have been you! |
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| All We have I remember yesterday, How the storm sat over head, Waiting to be, dark and threatening, But I pretended I didn't see, And now, as the shadows stretch, far and wide, Holding me trapped in their embrace, I wonder what rages will come. For upon today, Mother's Day, A holiday in which I should honor you, I feel but the rage of long ago, A child's anger, a child's sorrow, Wanting to run away, to flee from you, Knowing sorrow will never end, No time will end the silence between us, For no matter how many times I have spoken, It falls upon death ears. The silence is all I have, A towering wall stretched between us, Keeping you there and me other here, Knowing in the end, I can say nothing, Nothing that can change this, This wall built between us, No promised did I break, No dreams did I shatter, It was but you! |
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| A Long Time Ago A long time ago when I was but a child I remember sitting at the foot of your bed Watching you sleeping, hating you, Wanting your soul to shrivel and vanish. A long time ago when I was but a child I remember cowering in my bed Darkness my blanket, my tears flowing, Wanting to soar away with the music, The music I heard inside. A long time ago when I was but a child I remember how the music would make me smile, But with the fall of darkness, think and suffocating, I lost the tune, hiding alone, Knowing you would come for me. A long time ago when I was but a child I suffered in silence, never finding my voice, But no longer am I a child, And I smile, hearing the sweet music, I thought I had lost long ago. |
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| A Little Girl Cowers A single teardrop falls, isolated and lost, Mositure seeps from the clouds, echoing, Blood stains the rug, old and new, A little girl cowers, timid and fragile. In the corner of darkness, tense and suffocating, Couching amongst the covers, alert and wake, She watches the shadows dance on the wall, Like fiends dancing a merry little jig, Foretelling the horrors to come. She can't escape, no place to run, She's but a girl lost and alone, Amongst the world of men, Wandering aimlessly like a fool, Never knowing the laughter, Or what will be. The girl trembles, hearing the familar footsteps, Closing her eyes, willing for it not to be, As the first streak of light appears, Filtering into the room, and she signs, Knowing tonight she escaped. |
| A Ghost Looking into the mirror, seeing a person there, She comes to visit everytime I dare to look, She is the ghost behind my eyes, fortelling what was, And what was stolen so long ago. She dances on my heart, stealing my soul, And I hate the feelings that lurk hidden away, Frozen in time, a child's fear, anger, and sorrow, She lurks behind my eyes, always watching. She comes out to play, every time I dare to look, I can see her eyes of brown, and tear streak face, She is the ghost behind my eyes, fortelling what was, And what was stolen so long ago. She tells no lies, no tales, but the truth, She wont will me alone, no matter how I try, For she is the ghost behind my eyes, She is but a reflection of me. |
| The above was written while I was listening to Ozzy's song, "Ghost Behind my eyes" |
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| An Angel Descends In the swamplands behind a simple home Where the trees stand dying, and swamp grass strangles all life, Life lives on the balance with man tipping the scales, For he builds his home of wood and mortat, piece by piece, With no concern for the life around him. In the midst of this place, this swamp wasteland, he builds his home, Shwltering his loved ones from nature's storms, Believing he offers them a world of security and hope, A world of unforeseen dreams, a world of love and pleasure, But who protects them from the storms within? In this home man has built with love and hope, A home of walls and barriers, trapping all within it, A child cries in the darkness, yearning to flee, To escape this home built so loving by man, But there is no escape, no place to go for the child. |
| Dying like the trees trapped in the wasteland, the child withers a little more each day For within these four walls, a torrid storm builds, sending a child to the gates of hell And with tears of gold, falling like the rain, a simple echo shatters the silence, Laying bare for all who dare the evil stain of her blood, despair and misery. She stares upon the face of evil, seeing the devil in all his glory, Seeing no hope, no love, no warmth, only illusions of all that could be, In the home built by man, in the home he so loving built, Trapping her soul, her heart on the gates of hell. Withering like a rose upon the desert sands, the child dies, never to bloom, Knowing only the stain of heart ache, the songs of torment, But from above, an angel descends, claiming her soul, Releasing her from the torment, sending her to the pearly gates of heaven, Allowing her the peace, love and harmony she never knew in life, She never knew in the home built by man. |
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| Anger Blood boiling, hot and thick, Threatening to explode. A syrup running through my viens, Threatening to overflow. Hot lava soursing, hot and thick, Threatening to consuming me. A knife slicing flesh, clean and smooth, Blood sprayin, hot and thick. |
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| As children we could not stop the abuse, we could not protect ourselves, and as such, as adults we are forced to live with the abuse long after the abuse has ended. It is the curse our abusers placed upon us, but they don't have to win. We can recapture our lives, re-invent ourselves and learn to thrive! |
| A Slave A slave by day and night, no rest for the weary, no task too great or too small, no tears to pity, or fears to keep a mother's hug evermore...No, mother's love to chase away the tears, all there is but me! Mother dear, I called you in the middle of night as the shadows danced upon the walls like fiends dancing just for me, but no light chased away the demons for you laid fast asleep in the next room. Lost underneath a willow tree, no pillow for my head to rest upon, no blankets to warm my chilled bones, for in life I buried my fears deep inside, lost amongst my unshred tears, wondering all the time, why didn't you hear me mother? Wasn't I good enough, wasn't I something to be loved and cherished, that you cared about, wasn't I something to hold onto. to keep close? Wasn't I important to you mother? I tried to be what you wanted me to be, I cooked and cleaned, and jumped to your every command, but in the end, it wasn't enough for you? Was I nothing more then a slave to you, someone to push around, boss around as you commanded? Was I nothing but a slave? |
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| "I shall remember while the light lives yet, and in the nighttime I shall not forget." ~~ Algemon Charles Swinburne |
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| Anger Deep inside of me, in a place even I don't know, a place of darkness, where shadows thrive Is where my anger sits in wait like a demon preparing to attack, it is the demon of my rage, Of a child's neglect, of child's burning passion, of child's wounded soul. In the dark and damp place, my anger sits in wait, waiting for a voice to express it all, But like a coward, a wimp, I keep it trapped there without a voice, afriad of it, Afriad of its power, terrified of lossing control, of being mad with it. Like a rat trapped in a cage, it echoes through the corridors of my mind, a beast, a monster, I fear it as it runs wild within me, building and building, threatening my soul evermore, And someday, I know, monster will escape me, but till, I hide from it. Someday my anceint rage will find a voice..... But till then, till then.... I hide from it... |
| Upon the notes of truth When all I know lays exposed, raw & true And not a lie is heard, Not a tremble, Not even a shiver And the smiles of truth Echoes far and wide I summon the lessons learned. The lessons life has taught me, The lessons of love and joy, Of torment and sorrow, Of anger and misery All mingled as one, Knowing I am who I am, Accepting me for me! Upon the dawn of tomorrow When all the world lays in wait And the birds begin to chirp, Dogs bark, and cats meow, The sweet morning sounds Greet my tired ears, I know there is bot one lesson, One true lesson to learn, I am who I am! |