Ending the Silence

* MESSAGE BOARD
* HOME
* DONATIONS
* HOTLINES
* DEFINING ABUSE
   * PHYSICAL ABUSE
    * SEXUAL ABUSE
    * NEGLECT
    * EMOTIONAL ABUSE
* GROWING UP
   * Mixed Messages
    * Helpful Hints for Assertive Behavior
    * Lack of Empathy
    * Why is it so difficult to speak my mind with those who matter most?
     * Family Game of Denial
     * Inconsistency & Unpredictability
     * Role Reversal
     * The Closed Family System
* SEXUAL ABUSE
     * Effects Of Sexual Abuse
      * Lost of Self Esteem
* DEPRESSION
      * What Is Depression?
       * Types of depression
       * What Are the Symptoms of Depression?
       * Recognizing the Signs of Suicide
       * What to do if someone you know is    thinking of suicide?
* SELF-INJURY
      * How do you know if you self-iinjure?
       * Classifying self-harm
       * How do I know if I'm ready to stop?
       * Help for families and friends
       * So what do I do instead?
       * References
* THE HEALING JOURNEY
              * Self-Esteem Booster
               * Celebrate your strengths to raise   your self esteem
               * Questions to ask yourself to survey   your self esteem
               * What names do you call yourself?
               * Essence of Forgiveness
               * Honoring the Child you were
* CHANGING PATTERNS
            * Past Becomes Present
               * Common Patterns in Adult Survivors
               * What is normal?
               * Feelings: Necessary part of life
               * Panic: Calming Down
               * Guilt & Shame
               * What is guilt?
               * What is anxiety?
               * What is panic disorder?
               * Panic attack symptoms
               * Anger management tips
               * Boundaries
               * Signs of ignored boundaries
               * Rational boundary building thinking
               * How to establish healthy boundaries
               * Ten ways to build your self esteem
               * How to increase your self esteem
              * Self Acceptance
* GETTING SUPPORT
            * The Different Therapy Styles and Theoretical Orientations
                * What type of therapist do you need?
                * Choosing a counselor/therapist
                * Partners/Supporters of Survivors of Child Abuse
                * Support Groups
                * 10 Steps to protect yourself online
                * How to help? (Friend or Family)
                * Sources for you (supporter/partner) to receive support
                * Support groups Links
* DATE RAPE
           * What is Acquaintance Rape?
               * Things You Oughta Know About
               * Date Rape Drugs
               * Protecting Yourself from Date Rape   Drugs
* LINKS
* ARTICLES (PIECES WRITTEN BY ME)
            * Shattered Glass
               * Pitfalls of Life
               * Strings of family
               * Remembering..rage against mother
               * Working through mother blame
               * The Child Within
               * "please-aholic" how does one stop?
               * Memories...........
               * Rambling about parenthood
               * Are our kids safe?
               * IS Happiness A conscience Choice?
               * Excerise: I don't remember
               * A spark of anger.. I MATTER
               * Evolution of Childhood
               * �I committed no crime�
               * What kind of mother am I?
* BOOKS
* Ancient Mythology
* Ancient Superstitions
* Wicca & Witchcrafts
* Discovering Dragons
* Gem Magic
* Herbal Magic
* Faeries
* Art with Words
* Dragonpoet�s Poetry
* World of Neopets

The abuse was never our fault! We never asked for it, wanted it, or needed it. It was done to us!

If you have visited this site before then you know that its appearance has changed yet again. I love to hear what you about the changes to the site, if you like them, or prefer the older look, and if you are new, well then you have little to compair this new look with, but in neither case, I hope you enjoy the site and thank you for stopping bye.

Been battered and bruised,
Been lost in the darkness,
Drowning in the sea of sorrow,
But here I am still standing,
Still seeking and striving
To stand tall.

Site Updates:

Click on any of the areas listed below to visit those pages. Thank you.

Introduction:

We can not erase the past nor can it truly be forgotten, but one can learn to accept it, to know that as the child you were you did the best you could with the tools and skills you had. The abuse that was done to you was never your fault! You did not ask for it nor want it, and it was beyond your control to stop it or prevent it! You have survived the worse and now, it is time to learn to recapture what was lost, to rediscover yourself, re-build yourself and become who you want to be. Don't let the abuse of the past define who you are! Don't let those old messages control you! It isn't easy, but nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy, and don't you think you are worth finding happiness?

I have come along ways since I first decided to step upon the healing journey. My life is not problem free nor is it perfect for I still have days when the shadows fall upon me but they are not as often as they once were. I am happier in my life, mainly due to the fact that I have accepted myself and I like who I am. I did not reach this place over night, but gradually as I faced the issues that appeared as they appeared. I hope that by putting this site together that in some small way I can assist someone else.

Please take care of yourself and know that their is hope, that one can learn to accept what can not be changed, one can move forward, and embrace the joy that can exist in world...the steps may be small at first and difficult, but with each step one can get closer to finding peace within oneself.

The hurt, sorrow and fear that we feel as been a large part of our lives since childhood. We are used to feeling this way, and we may fear change, fear what we do not know, for in our childhood we may have had only small glimpse of happiness and joy. May haps we don't believe we deserve to be happy, but we do!

I don't remember
being held and loved,
I was a child yearning
to be loved, to be held.

I remember only
the angry words,
the critic inside
always speaking,
telling me over and over,
I' m worthless,
a waste of space.

I don't remember
the laughter,
the simple pleasure
of giggling in the night
and enjoying life.

All I remember
are the times
I huddled in the dark
locked in a closet
hearing the angry voices,
the shouts and screams,
the fear, the tears, the misery.

I don't remember
being a child,
a simple fact I know,
I was but a child,
a child trapped
in an adult world,
so lost and alone.

I don't remember

I remember the fears,
the tears, the misery,
the loneness of silence,
unable to speak my mind,
unable to utter a sound,
unable to cry out.

I don't remember
the good times,
the fun and games,
the smiles and giggles
Did they exist?

I remember
only the fears and tears,
the times I huddled in the dark,
unable to speak, to utter a sound.



Welcome one and all to my site dedicated to child abuse! I have created this site in order to increase awareness of childabuse issues, to hopefully assist other survivors to feel less alone, to present here material that may assist them in their own healing journey, and to share my own story. So please feel free to check the site out and thank you for visiting. Take care of yourselves.
			May 27, 2005 The Date Rape page is complete as is the self injury page. I hope both pages offer you useful information. Thank you for stopping bye the site. Be safe! May 23, 2005 The site is coming along, and I have added a new section on Date Rape, consisting of how we can protect ourselves and what to do if one is date rape. March 7, 2005 The site is currently undergoing some changes, and hopefully it will be improved. I have added a new link to a message board where if you wish you can became a member, post messages, and seek support. Please enjoy the site.


		Children are precious gifts given to us, but for those of us who have survived child abuse we learned early on how cruel life can be, and now, as adults we seek to find what was stolen from us. We seek to find harmony, peace and happiness for ourselves, to become happy with ourselves, and to find the ability to accept the goodness in life after knowing the horror of life. We embark upon a journey riddled with misery and sorrow, a path we can not escape from, a life long journey of self discovery, of learning who we are, accepting who we are, and liking who we are. We are like shattered angels whose wings have been clicked before we learned how to fly. Isn't it time we learned how to fly and ended the silence in our lives?

				"If on occassion I shred a tear I wont fear the moment, but embrace it." ~ Unknown For many of us our childhood wasn't an easy time and it was riddled with hardships, but as children we did the best we could with the skills we had & we learned how to survive & did survive at all odds.If nothing else, you should feel proud for being able to survive the abuse done to you. It was never your choice, you never asked for it, and didn't deserve it! In my own childhood I grew up thinking this was how it was suppose to be that what was happening in my home occurred in everyone's home that there was something wrong with me since I was unhappy with it. I didn't know any different and I was never allowed to visit other kids' homes & had only my own to base my thoughts on. I had good moments & times in my childhood, but somehow it was always the bad that left the deepest marks. It was those bad moments that shaped me, defined me, and shattered who I might have beeen. Isn't it time to rebuild our shattered selves? For myself, I have choosen not to let the past define who I am, or allow the abuse I endured to tell me who I am, and even though it does still shadow me, and I have to struggle against the waves of darkness and despair that creep upon me, I am trying...and each day I try to place my best foot forward and do the best I can. It is all that I can ask of myself, is to do my best and that has to be good enough.
	"All happy families resemble one another, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." ~TOLSTOY, Anna Karenia Every dysfunctional family is unique in its dysfunction; however every survivor of a dysfunctional family shares common traits with other survivors. Like you, I was abused as a child. I grew up with an alcoholic stepfather and an emotional unavailable mother. I had endured both emotional and sexual abuse. I am not a professional therapist or counselor, only an avid reader, researcher, writer, and survivor. In the end, I am doing this as much for myself as the possibility that this may assist someone else and if it does, then I am honored. I know what it is like to grow up in a dysfunctional family, the problems, and the damage that follows us into adulthood. I lay no claim to possessing the answers, but only hope to share my own discoveries and research. It is up to you to decide how to use the information, what to believe or not believe, and to change your own life. Ultimately, the only answers we can find for ourselves are those we seek and find for ourselves. We all have the answers inside ourselves. As adults, we have the ability to decide our own fate. We are no longer children and have control over ourselves. However, we bare the scars of our childhood and with these unhealed wounds we move through life like shattered souls. Each of us who choose to embark upon the healing journey have chosen to look honestly at ourselves. We are committing ourselves on a journey of self discovery, repairing and rebuilding the shattered pieces of ourselves. The journey is not one which ends quickly but healing is possible and a measurement of happiness and contentment does it exist, can exist. It takes time and may be a life long commitment. Each of us may have varying experiences and reasons for embarking on this journey, however the first step is committing to this path and making a commitment to ones self and that is the most important decision anyone can make for themselves. You deserve to make that decision for yourself. Remember that you are not alone, seek a therapist or counselor to assist you and possibly join a support group of other survivors either in your community or online. They know what you are going through and may be able to assist you. Take care of yourself. The abuse that you suffered as a child was not your fault, and I hope with all my heart that you find the happiness and contentment that you deserve and should have always had!