First Place - Angst

Severus braced himself again. He had not cast the curse, and he was most likely the only one of the defenders of Hogwarts who would.

Lucius Malfoy fell to the ground with a dull thud. Severus stood gingerly, ignoring the pain that shrieked at him from every joint, muscle, every cell of his being. He checked his surroundings quickly and saw that the fighting had died down, that Aurors and Order members were taking away bound Death Eaters and reversing the Imperious Curse on the wizards from the list created from Moony's Map. Hit Wizards were chasing after the Death Eaters that were escaping.

Many of the fallen were revived and Severus wondered how it was possible, when the Death Eaters would never have left so many alive.

He looked behind him and saw Peter Pettigrew, shaking with his wand still aimed at the spot where Lucius had been standing only moments before. The former Gryffindor, the Marauder turned traitor, had tears flowing from his eyes.

"A life for a life," Peter said slowly, dully. "My debt is paid."

With that the rat animagus turned his wand on himself, Avada Kedavra!

There was a choked sob from where Severus had last seen Remus. The man really was the last Marauder now. Odd, Remus had expected to be the first Marauder to die and he had outlived them all.

Severus fell slowly to his knees as realization hit him. His son was dead. He could feel nothing from their bond... and why hadn't it pulled on his life to save Harry's? Harry had hinted more than once that he did not believe he would live past that day, but Severus assumed his son thought that Voldemort would kill him. Instead he had sacrificed himself for a former Death Eater, a retired spy, a man with nothing left to live for now with Harry gone.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to rant and rave and curse the whole world. Instead, Severus turned within and the only cries were the silent screams in his throbbing head.

The ashes on the grass before him were all that was left. His vision blurred and Severus lifted his hand to feel moisture on his cheeks. He bowed his head and felt his shoulders begin to shake. He should have died, no longer wanted to live.

"Severus," the kind voice of the headmaster invaded his solitude... so Albus had lived. A vial was pressed into his hand and Severus drank it without checking the contents. He knew from the taste and effect that it was his post-Cruciatus potion.

"Why Albus?" Severus did not look up. "Why did he do it?"

"I once told Harry that the greatest power he has is the ability to love," Albus said sadly. The headmaster lowered himself to his knees beside Severus and the Potions Master observed in a detached fashion that his joints did not even creak. "He loves you."

Severus shook his head, "I didn't deserve him."

"Perhaps you did not," Severus was shocked. Albus had always refuted every self-effacing statement Severus ever made, "but you do now. He did not love you the instant your relationship was discovered Severus. You earned that love."

Albus brushed aside some of the ashes and uncovered an infant bird, lying still with shallow breath.

"He...," Severus's eyes were wide and his breath caught in his throat. Harry certainly led a charmed life. Severus then realized that Albus had known, had been speaking of Harry in the present tense.

"Come here little one," Albus cooed to the baby phoenix as he scooped it into his hands. The tiny eyes of the bird fluttered open. "We will protect you."

The bird gave a weak little chirp, a more pathetic noise than any Severus had ever heard before. He held out his trembling hands and Albus placed the bird in them. Severus stood and began walking back towards the castle, headed for his quarters, ignoring everyone he encountered. Poppy would have to come to them there. There wasn't a chance in hell that Severus would have Harry waking up in the hospital wing again.

Severus entered his quarters with the precious little bundle cradled in the palms of his hands. For once he was at a loss. He wasn't sure what to do. He looked down and saw that the tiny eyes had closed. The baby bird was breathing, but it was raspy and shallow.

Harry's room was the only place Severus could think to go. He opened the door and heard a strong trill. Fawkes was perched on the back of a chair.

The sound of the phoenix's voice was like a strengthening draught and Severus stared at the marvelous bird. Fawkes glided over to Harry's bed and gave Severus a very pointed look as if to say, 'Well, what are you waiting for?'

Fawkes picked at Harry's bedcovers and settled down. Severus walked over to the bed and Fawkes lifted a wing. Severus held his hands out and placed the baby bird next to Fawkes, who folded his wing in to cover the injured infant protectively. With a wave of his wand Severus raised the temperature of the room to make it more comfortable for the phoenixes.

The banging of his door brought Severus out of his stupor. He left Harry's room, bereft, wishing there was something he could do. He was not accustomed to feeling so helpless, but Harry kept doing it to him.

"Where is he?" Remus was almost frantic. "Albus said he was here. That was Fawkes Severus, please tell me that was Fawkes out there."

Severus closed his eyes. He hadn't wanted to explain so soon, "He's in his room."

Remus barreled past him and stood in the open doorway. Severus watched as the werewolf scanned the room and stared at the phoenix on the bed.

"That's Fawkes, not Harry," Remus stated firmly. "I can smell him... but its faint... different..."

"He is with Fawkes," Severus sighed and took Remus's arm, leading him to the bed.

Fawkes glared at them, if a bird could glare, and lifted his wing just slightly. Remus gasped, and Severus heard the gasp echoed behind them. He turned, unaware that anyone else had entered and not pleased with that, but forgave the intruder when he saw who it was.

"I saw...," Charlie ran his shaking hands over his face. "We checked on the dragons and were on our way back when he flew past us. I don't even think he saw us there. I was still too far away when it hit."

Severus was sure Charlie was hanging on by a thread. The dragon keeper was pale and shaken, speaking in a monotone. Severus reached out hesitantly, having initiated no close contact with anyone aside from Harry for over fifteen years. He hugged Charlie Weasley though, and let the younger man cling to him and shake with tears.

"Severus?" Remus's eyes were wide with shock, having most likely pieced together what had happened the instant he saw the infant phoenix. He probably needed confirmation of his suspicions though.

"Harry took the killing curse for me... in his animagus form," Severus answered, still painfully. He could only remember how his heart had clenched in his chest when he saw his son die in his place.

"He can't die," Remus stated in awe. Both Severus and Charlie turned to him with disbelieving looks. "He told us Severus... at the Manor... but not in so many words."

Severus nodded, remembering, "Animagus traits can be there since birth. Harry never survived the killing curse. He died and was reborn each time."

"The will he..." Charlie looked to the phoenix on the bed, now sleeping in a nest-like pile of blankets.

"I don't know," Severus responded, unable to answer the many ways that question could have ended. Would Harry start over from infancy? Would he ever return to human form? "No one knows where phoenixes come from."

"So Fawkes might..." Remus began to complete the thought.

"...be a wizard," Albus's voice came from the doorway. The headmaster looked worn as he stepped into the room. Fawkes lifted his head and trilled again as his wizard entered. "As you all know, the longer someone stays in their animagus form, the more they become like that animal. It was one of the many difficulties Sirius faced after spending so much time in Azkaban and on the run as a dog."

It was so tempting, but Severus couldn't really find it in him to comment.

"I have always thought that Fawkes understood me more clearly than any other familiar has," Albus ran a finger down the scarlet plumage and Fawkes stretched with the movement of the finger. "When Harry discovered his animagus form he began to develop a theory, though he only ever hinted at it to anyone. At Minerva's insistence Harry would have read everything he could find on his form before attempting to transform. He discovered that none of us know how a phoenix is born for the first time."

There was a silence in the room and Fawkes just looked at them all as they stared at him in amazement. Severus knew that there were four other known phoenixes in the world at that time, and three of them had been alive for at least two hundred years. Fawkes had shown up more than eighty years ago and took up residence with Albus.

"So Harry could be immortal," Remus spoke as though he was working out a problem aloud. "When he is tired, and all of us are gone, he might just transform... and never turn back?"

Albus nodded and smiled, "Do not worry about Harry now. He has much to live for here in this room, and others outside it. In a few days he will be a full grown phoenix again, and if he cannot transform back himself, we can bring him back."

All three men nodded, though Severus doubted any of them would be willing to leave the room until Harry was human and conscious again. They were joined in their vigil for a time by Ron and Hermione, though the students had to leave to study for their approaching N.E.W.T.s, taking comfort in the knowledge that Harry would wake. They didn't go further than Severus's living room, though, and studied there, answering the door and sending away anyone Harry wouldn't want there.

Never had Severus had so many people in his quarters. Before his memories were recovered the only ones who had been there were Albus and Minerva. Now the entire Weasley family had been through, along with the survivors of the former Gryffindor quidditch team. One of them had been killed in battle though Severus was not sure how. Hagrid barely fit, but sat by Harry's bed for hours holding one of Harry's hands delicately between his massive hands.

The only consolation Severus had to the obscene number of Gryffindors that surrounded him, were the representatives from the other Houses. Nearly the entire DA had stopped by at some point, many of them sporting injuries. The group of Slytherins that Harry had been training with came in, and Draco Malfoy stayed for some time once he was released from St. Mungo's.

Classes were cancelled for a full week to allow parents to see that their children were well and in celebration of the victory over Voldemort. Every staff member had been there, even Sybil and Firenze though Severus had no idea how the centaur got to that level of the castle. He suspected that Hogwarts had something to do with that.

He was not there in the great hall when Dumbledore made his speech to the students and those that had been locked away heard of the attack on their school and Harry's victory. He wasn't there when the special edition of the Daily Prophet was delivered with a picture of a triumphant Harry, taken when Harry was addressing the great hall before the battle Severus suspected. The Creevey brat would have no trouble finding employ when he graduated. He had even somehow managed to get pictures of the battle itself.

The outside world celebrated Voldemort's downfall, though the Ministry was better prepared this time around and stopped Dedalus from his display of lights that made the muggle news the first time around. No one could do anything about the owls flying everywhere and they were noted by the muggles yet again. Diagon Alley was more festive than anyone had ever seen it. The Daily Prophet reported on the celebrations in each issue and speculated as to what became of the Boy-Who-Lived.

The twins returned to the castle every evening, bringing a fully healed Minerva back from St. Mungo's one night, though her hair was too short for the customary bun she wore, and she was not allowed a hair growth potion because of her tender new skin. They reported on the general atmosphere outside the Hogwarts and Hogsmeade grounds after doing a record breaking few days of business. They apparently had every friend of theirs working overtime to restock the store after the majority of their wares were used in the battle.

Albus had reported to the Ministry that Harry had defeated Voldemort, but was injured in the battle and was recovering. The Ministry had of course reiterated the same to reporters and there were owls arriving every day with interview requests, get well cards, cards thanking Harry, and not a few gifts. A few more determined reporters were essentially camped out by the Hogwarts gates, waiting to be allowed in. They had managed to contain the truth through a stroke of luck and much caution.

Not even Madam Pomfrey had been allowed in to see Harry until they had returned him to his human form. She had enough work tending to injuries in the hospital wing to keep her busy and would not question Albus.

Four days after the battle, two weeks before Harry was supposed to take the N.E.W.T.s, they had decided to force the animagus transformation back to human form. Harry's phoenix form was fully grown, but had not regained consciousness again. That one little chirp after Albus lifted him out of the ashes was all Severus had heard from Harry until they transformed him. Ever since he had been sleeping, and occasionally tossing or whimpering.

Severus had hoped that some of the physical reminders of the harsh life Harry had led would not come back with him, but his pale, new skin was decorated with scars in many shapes and sizes. It made some sense, as the lightning bolt scar had remained from the killing curse. Severus looked closely, and saw the curse had a new shadow, a remainder of the second lethal curse Harry took.

It wasn't nearly as bad as Severus had expected when the dreaming began. He attributed the lessened severity of Harry's dreams to the proximity of Charlie. It seemed to get worse the further away Charlie got, so the redhead had taken to spending nearly all his time in the bed with Harry.

Whatever was ailing Harry had been a mystery until Anders Ollivander had visited the day after they transformed Harry back to his usual form. The only reports Severus had heard of the lessons with the old wand maker were vague stories from Harry. Ollivander was as odd as ever though when he told them that Harry was no longer as bright as he used to be.

Albus had then taken out his lemon drops and was sucking one as he thought. He told them all that Harry had appeared to be very tired after he killed Voldemort and then announced with a small smile that he expected Harry would wake after a few more days of rest. Ollivander had looked at Harry in an oddly direct way for the man and agreed with Dumbledore. The two old men had left the room, discussing some incident that had taken place seventy years before that involved a pilfered broomstick, a house elf, and more sugar than any one person should consume and then continue to live.

For a brief moment all their concerns had disappeared.

"That is easily the most disturbing thing I have heard," Remus commented as all three of them stared at the door that the two old men had exited through.

"More disturbing than the time Black broke into Professor Ayre's office and...," Severus's mouth formed a smirk without him even realizing it.

Remus paled, "Please don't ever mention that again."

"I don't even want to know," Charlie spoke from behind them.

Severus then banished the unwanted images from his brain and returned to his watch. They were careful with their use of magic, not knowing how various spells would react with Harry's slow rebuilding of his own magic. They kept him clean and fed the muggle way, with sponges and an intravenous line.

Even unconscious, Harry did not react well to the touch of anyone aside from Charlie, and so washing Harry was the redhead's job. As Severus dipped the sponge in the basin on the stand beside the bed Charlie gently turned Harry onto his front. Severus handed over the sponge and watched Charlie clean Harry's back, catching drips with a towel.

Charlie paused, and his unoccupied hand traced one of the white lines, edged in a dark pinkish color. The sponge returned to the basin and Charlie's head lowered so his forehead rested on Harry's back.

Severus turned and joined Remus by the window, though the werewolf was probably unaware of his presence as he slept in an overstuffed chair. Resolutely, Severus refused to look back to Harry's bed at the sharp intake of breath. He had been a witness to so many intimate moments between the two younger wizards. They deserved some privacy.

"Severus," Charlie's voice called him.

He was followed by Remus, who must have woken when Charlie spoke, as he crossed back to his place next to the bed. Charlie's eyes had a light in them that had been missing for the past week or so and he had turned Harry back so he was facing them. Severus could detect no change in his son and looked to the two who had senses more acute than his own.

"Just wait a bit," Charlie gripped Harry's hand. "I felt him, and the dragon moved."

The tattoo had been still since they had forced Harry back into his human form.

Harry's eyes blinked and focused on the faces above him in recognition, much to Severus's relief. Ron and Hermione must have heard Charlie, because they were in the room rather quickly, considering Ron had to help Hermione maneuver as her leg was in a cast. Her broken leg had not been fixed, as there were other more pressing injuries to care for. It would still be a few days before Madam Pomfrey would have time to tend to the less serious injuries that others couldn't repair. Hermione had learned from Harry's second year and wouldn't let anyone try to fix her leg. Harry's lips turned up in just a ghost of a smile. His eyes closed again and his breathing softened into that of a natural sleep.

Each of them breathed out in relief. Despite the assurances of Ollivander and Dumbledore that Harry would wake, they had all feared that Harry would just sleep until he finally slipped away from them.

After standing there for some time, all of them just sharing the lessening of anxiety and thankfulness, Severus noticed that Charlie had also fallen asleep. The redhead would sleep peacefully, actually relaxed, for the first time since the battle. He had refused any potions Severus offered.

Harry was in and out of sleep all day, Charlie somehow waking with him, though Harry could barely move. Even when he was awake Charlie was the only one who could touch him without Harry tensing or flinching.

That night Severus slept in his bed for the first time in over a week. The Gryffindors were sent back to their tower, but Remus refused to leave. He insisted he could sleep on the couch.

Had he not gotten up in the middle of the night Severus would not have overheard the conversation. He felt no guilt listening, as Harry could easily tell if anyone was there.

"How many?" Harry's voice was tired and worn, only barely discernable.

Charlie sighed and Severus heard him shift on the bed, "There were no student casualties. The centaurs and acromantulas never let the dark creatures anywhere near the grounds, but several of them were lost, Bane one of them. We lost eleven Aurors, fifteen Hit-Wizards, three Order members..."

"Who?" Harry interrupted, sounding impatient. Severus shook his head, his hair hanging down around his face.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt, Doris Crockford," Charlie paused and Severus knew what was coming next, "and Katie Bell."

"Katie?" Harry's already subdued voice was taught.

"She jumped in the way of a killing curse headed towards Oliver."

There was a long pause and Severus almost went back to bed.

"And the... others?"

"Nine Death Eaters and Voldemort died. Avery..."

"They're dead. I know," Severus blinked and Charlie must have had a perplexed expression because Harry explained. "Dad's alive. I knew that after that day... if he was alive... if he was alive, they wouldn't be."

Severus felt rising tension as the voices dropped too low for him to hear. Harry's voice had started out quiet and plain, but gotten shaky and bitter towards the end. It was obvious that it would take a long time for Harry to heal, but Severus knew that Charlie was the best one to help with that. With much on his mind Severus turned back to his room, forgetting why he had gotten up in the first place, figuring he had heard everything he was supposed to hear.

The next day Harry was able to walk around a bit, though he needed Charlie's help frequently, and insisted on having dinner that night in the great hall. Severus had agreed on the condition that Albus make an announcement first.

Severus and Charlie waited with Harry in the small antechamber off the great hall. Harry tired easily, as a result of the magical drain he claimed, and he had been further damaged by the killing curse. He had apparated them from Severus's quarters to where they stood, waiting for Dumbledore, saying that it took less energy than walking.

Harry was leaning up against Charlie with his eyes closed, and Severus watched them with a small smile. Somehow their relationship had not been made public knowledge yet, but the secret would not last much longer if they continued to act as they were then.

"Time," Harry said softly without opening his eyes.

Charlie just nodded. The two of them seemed oddly in sync, as though they had found a way to communicate silently through their empathy. For all Severus knew, they had.

They walked into the hall together, with all eyes on them. Albus had told Harry he could sit at the head table, to avoid the crowding of the hall, but Harry had refused. The Gryffindors had been briefed by Ron and Hermione not to touch Harry, and not to let anyone else close enough. His peers had been told it was a result of the battle and only a few of them knew Harry's aversion started earlier, but they asked no questions.

"What are those two doing here?" Severus asked Minerva quietly, noticing the identical redheads at the Gryffindor table.

Minerva smiled, "They've decided to take their N.E.W.T.s and I told them they had to reenroll in order to be eligible."

Next to him Remus almost choked on his food, "Do you mean to tell me we'll have them, along with Ron and Neville in one class?"

"Indeed," Minerva confirmed, her smile still in place. Severus narrowed his eyes at her. "I did tell them if they misbehaved they're out."

He could feel the smirk forming, "This should be an interesting week."

Finding the Key - Chapter 49

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