archive

2/12 - "you should all get a girlfriend for valentine's day. so then you could make this great movie with ur girl it would be great."
Response: Us? Girlfriends? Hahahaha.

2/12 - "are you looking for new employies?"
Response: Actually, I'm looking for a spellchecker.

2/12 - "nathan is a dork, no?"
Response: Oh yeah, he's the dorkiest dork i've ever seen!

2/12 - "can girls be in dork productions?"
Response: Yeah.

2/12 - "fire chris ray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Response: Not right now. Maybe sometime later.

2/12 - "Stan Stern is sexy"
Response: Eeeeeeeew. That's disgusting. I should ban you from the site.

2/12 - "I will eat your hearts out."
Response: La la la la la la *snort* La la la la la la la

2/12 - "Blinded by the light."
Response: Say, I know a good eye doctor that could fix you right up. His name is Dr. Roysman or something.

2/8 - "Today is the 10th. I am disappointed in you."
Response: It's the 8th, stupid. I still have two more days.

2/6 - "make micah master of arts or die!!! ha ha ha"
Response: The 10th. The 10th will be Micah's day..of masterdom....

2/5 - "Do you wear Bodman body fantasies yet?"
Response: Yes. Every five minutes I must stop what I am doing and smell myself. It just smells so good.

2/5 - "put some of your movies on the web page"
Response: Okay okay okay. Just wait a little.

2/1 - "Put pictures of hot girls in your locker."
Response: I already have a picture of your mom in there? Do you really think I need some more? Anyway, she takes up all the room.

2/1 - "When will DP2 be done?"
Response: Before the 10th of February. Probably earlier, if everything goes as planned.

1/25 - "u should do a talk show...or get someone new and have them host it."
Response: There's one in the works, actually.

1/25 - "...Have you ever heard of [Secret Agent Dan]?"
Response: Oh yeah. She and I go waaaaay back. Good times, good times.

1/25 - "Do you like pina coladas?"
Response: Nah, I like getting caught in the rain though.

1/25 - "Who or what is D.P.?"
Response: Um...D.P. stands for Dork Productions.

1/23 - "do u really love me?"
Response: Why yes. Yes of course.

1/23 - "If you guys put the movies on DVD, how much will they be?"
Response: Atleast six bucks a piece. They might be a little more.

1/23 - "Finish mission tetris."
Response: We're almost done, don't worry.

1/23 - "Did you fart?"
Response: I swear it wasn't me.

1/23 - "I'm not cheap, I just know that 100% off is a good sale!!!!"
Response: Whatever. I'm not letting you get a hold of my games. You'll probably sell them and make more money than D.P.

1/23 - "...Maybe you guys should try to think of your own themesong."
Response: We're working on it.

1/22 - "Can you start wearing bodman body spray, by body fantisies? I think you're mistaken about the Old Spice.... my dad wears that..."
Response: You're dad has great taste. I'd like to become his best friend. But if you want me to switch to Bodman, I guess I'll do it.

1/22 - "since when do you say chicks? that's kinda scary (the bodman spray question)
Response: I was referring to a chicken's offspring.

1/22 - "Will you really do the gamecube thing, bc I'll pick 'em up if you throw 'em."
Response: Um...I was going to say something witty but the phrase slipped my mind. I'll just say: Go buy your own games, cheapo.

1/19 - "Hi Jackelope I JustWanted to see if you could make your site more like you want him really bad and just fire chris."
Response: No offense or anything, but I didn't understand a single thing you just said.

1/19 - "Do you use Bodman body spray from body fantisies?"
Reponse: Actually, I prefer Old Spice High Indurance Body Spray. The chicks dig it.

1/19 - "In project pokon, do we get to poke on nathan?"
Response: Saaaay, that's a good idea! I think we'll do that instead. Thanks for contributing.

1/19 - "fire jack ferguson because he sucks and he is gay."
From Jack Ferguson.

Resonse: Eh. I don't think I can fire him, but I'll do the next best thing...lower his respect. Nah I probably won't. And that is kinda weird that Jack would want to fire himself.

1/19 - "Do you have Gamecube? If you do, do you have any games you don't want? And that you'd throw out your windo on, oh, let's say next weekend (sunday) at, oooo, let's see here, ummm, maybe 3:07?
Response: Okay, I'm not quite sure if you were trying to be funny or not. Otherwise...sure stranger! I'd love to.
1/19 - "is nathan going on a retreat from february 28- april 2"
Response soon.

1/19 - "I wasn't dropped on my head as an infant."
Response: Suuuuure you weren't. Then explain to me why your head lopsided. Hmmmmmm?

1/18 - "If you try to fail and succeed, did you fail at succeeding or succeed in failing?"
Response: Don't think you can confuse me with your witch doctor mumbo-jumbo. The answer is you would succeed in failing, while at the same time you'd fail at succeeding. Now, I'm gonna go get some nachos.

1/18 - "Were you all dropped on your heads as infants?"
Response: Probably, but I'm not sure. I suffer from short term and long term memory loss for some unexplained reason.

1/18 - "Can't you put the pictures I drew on the page?" Response: First off, you only drew one picture. Second of all, you must have patience, young grasshopper.

1/18 - "is jack really a flaming homosexual?"
Response: No. No he's not. Atleast that's what the voices in his head tell him.

1/18 - "will you be my best friend?"
Response: Suuuuuuuure, buddy.

1/18 - "what do u want?"
Response: I think you know.

1/15 - "Can I???"
Response: No you can't.

1/15 - "where do babys come from"
Response: I'll tell you when you're older.

1/15 - "ahhhhh the power of chease"
Response: Ah yes. It is quite powerful, isn't it. I've heard it's the most powerful dairy product in the world. And you spelled cheese wrong.

1/15 - "Can I hold your hand?"
Response: Okay....wait a second. I've fallen for this one before. You sneezed all over your hand. Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!

1/14 - "Why don't you have more squeaky toys?"
Response: Great idea! Here's one right here.

1/11 - "If you were a hotdog and you were starving, would you eat yourself?"
Response: Oh yeah, I know I would. First I'd smother myself in brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious.

Back to Main

Twiz the Answer man does not exist. All requests are answered by Jack Brungardt.

Response: Whoa there, Twiz. I think you've said enough.

2/24 - "Do you want to hire any more workers?
Response: No, not right now.

2/24 - "how can you become a memeber?"
Response: Someone in Dork Productions has to recommend you. And then Jack Brungardt, the president, spends weeks studying you and learning about you. Or something like that, I'm not sure.

2/24 - "Did you have fun at home without Nathan today?"
Response: Well, I was really bored. So I played golf with unopened Mr. Pibb cans.

2/24 - "i love the new layout of the site. Its really nifty. Its alot less boring. i.e., there's more stuff to looks at.Great job and keep up the good work!"
Response: Hey, thanks. I wish there were more people like you visiting the site. A lot of people don't appreciate the hard work I do.

2/24 - "What is the point of having "Twiz" on the site, when Jack actually answers the questions? Its just a waste of web space. Instead of a picture of Twiz, do a picture of Jack."
Response: You poor, poor lost soul. We here at Dork Productions shall not rid Twiz of this website. You see him as a waste of space, but I see him as a loveable man who never had a chance.

2/24 - "The pen is mightier."
Response: I'm not going to bother responding.

2/24 - "Guess what."
Response: Chicken Butt.

2/24 - "jack, just 2let you know, im not clumsy, im just accident prone."
Response: Yeah so amn i. I havr to type with my letf hand now becayse my right one was cruhsed in a terrible boating accident..

2/24 - "My hover craft is full of eels"
Response: ...yeaaaah...I know a guy that could take care of that eel problem you have there. His name is Freddy Jombidigly. You can find him in the yellow pages.

2/19 - "what's my name"
Response: I don't know. But lemmee take a guess...Charlie. Charlie...Spocket.

2/18 - "fire chris ray now!!!!!!! he dosent do anything!!!!!!"
Response: Neither do you, so shut up.

2/18 - "Will you be my hero?"
Response: No. In a world of crime and hate, there's just no room for heroes anymore. Sad, really.

2/18 - "you people are odd. i wish you too would be it"
Response: Odd? I prefer the term abnormal, that you very much. And I didn't quite understand that second sentence. Maybe you should learn to speak English, and stop working at that McDonald's.

2/17 - "what if i was under 200 lbs (about 100 less) and was a girl...would u be my boyfriend then? i fit the subscription"
Response: Why are people so into my love life...or lack of? Weird times, these are...

2/17 - "i want u, i need u, oh baby, oh baby"
Response: Oh yeah. People say this to me atleast twelve times a week. But I just tell 'em..."Sorry Miss, I think we should be friends first." And then they kick me in the shin and leave me lying there all alone in the street.
2/17 - "Duct tape is like the forest. It has a lite side, a dark side, and holds the whole world together."
Response: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Turbo. If the forest is like duct tape, how come it isn't sticky? Oooo gotchya there.

2/17 - "WOW seafood gives me hives too. Looks like we have more in common than u thought."
Response: Hey yeah. coughstalkercough. Maybe we should go get married or something.

2/17 - "if u could go out with a girl from our school and stuff who would that girl be?"
Response: Hehe. This question saddens me. It proves that only the local people come to this site. And why would you want to know anyway?

2/17 - "you want some money? well too bad you won't get any from me."
Response: That's was mean. And low. That was mean and low. Besides, I didn't want your money anyway. Your money is evil.

2/17 - "Hey Jack"
Response: Yo, wassup?

2/16 - "who wrote the "will you be my boyfriend stuff, should be my boyfriend."
Response: What the heck did you just say? Is English the second language you learned? Did you just move to the U.S. from Japan or something?

2/16 - "jack, what would you're perfect date be?"
Response: First I'd take my girl for a nice long walk on the beach. Then we'd procede to the nearest Red Lobster and eat some of their delicious Caribbean shrimp, even though seafood gives me hives.

2/16 - "who does this stuff? jack b or jack f?"
Response: Jack B. does. It says that at the very bottom of the page, just to let you know.

2/16 - "would you please be my boyfriend"
Response: Scroll down, and read what I said to the other request.

2/16 - "The movies section still isn't clicky!!!"
Response: Duuh. It was still under contruction. But since you asked, I'll make it clicky. But some of the links at 'Movies' won't work, okay?

2/16 - "fire chris ray"
Response: God, how many times are people going to send in the request? I said I'd fire him eventually, but not now.

2/15 - "i think u should hire mike blackman"
Response: Check the 'About Us' section, you'll be presently suprised.

2/15 - "Will you be my boyfriend?"
Response: Depends. If you're under 200 pounds and are a girl, sure. Otherwise it'd be kinda freaky.

2/15 - "Make chris hitman."
Response: No. No no no no no. He doesn't do anything. If anything I should fire him. With Mike Blackman hired, we don't really need Chris anymore.

2/15 - "Hey if I had a girlfriend I'd be one happy monkey."
Response: You'd be a busy monkey too. That was not supposed to be some perverted comment, but it ended up sounding like one.

2/14 - "do u have a girlfriend?"
Response: Okay...I'm spending Valentine's Day updating this website. What do you think?

2/14 - "How come movies is not clicky?"
Response: The movie section is still being worked on. Hopefully, it'll be clicky soon.

2/14 - "NATHANS NOT A DORK!!!!"
Response: Listen up. Here at Dork Productions, we do not hire anyone that is not a dork. Think whatever you want though, I don't care.

2/12 - "I'd like a donkey."
Response: Here ya go.

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