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Lori's Journal Page 2

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Nov 11
Today was a strange one for me. It started off good but by afternoon I was feeling depressed. I also did'nt feel good eaither. Went to bed at 9:30 and did'nt wake up tell 8:00 the next morning.
Come to find out Mark was'nt feeling good so that's why he was staying away. I think it's because I am leaving Tomarrow. He has a fiacn'e waiting for him and I have told him and other's we are only freind's and that is all. Oh well, I'm leaving tomarrow at 8:00 am. Then to another place It'll be nice to be working to get my own place. Tine to close now. Sure am tured.
Nov 12
Today was a nice day. Even tho it's my last day here everyone that is close to me are sad that I am leaving. I feel happy and sad at the same time. I'm a little scared going into a new place but am sure I will make freind's there too. Well it's bed time now. 8:00 will come early Actually 6:00 since that's when I get up. Man my last night here. Seem's so strange. I'v gotten to Know so many people. But that's life in a treatment center.
You make freind's then say good bye. Butter close now before I start to cry---.
Nov 13
What a day. It's been so busy and hectic. It was sad leaving all my friend's at IRTC. Sure miss them a lot. I'm here at ADDS now and feel like I'm living in a place like the show "Big Brother". It's so small in comparison to IRTC. Maybe 13 people at the most. I was able to spend some time with Hank before I came here which was nice and had me a nice venision stead. The rules here are so different but in time will get use to it. It's 8:30 right now and am use to doing this before bed so I can have the silience to think over the day. Maybe will write more before I turn in.
Nov 14
Today was a good day. Even tho some of the feed back I had gotten about this place Kinda upset me because I was told by Rita that I would be going into a half way house which is not the case. I need to speak with Crista so I know where I stand here. The choice I have made is to sell off my shot gun in order to pay off a couple of months of insurance on my car. This really sucks but do'nt know what else to do. I'v worked and saved so much to get this. But it's a choice of which one I need the most. I do want to stay here but am really un-sure and confused right now. Anyway did'nt feel well last night. Just all of the sudden hit me and went to sleep instead of writting in my journal. It's almost time for lights out so need to close now.
Nov 16
Yesterday was so hetic and I was so tired that I wrote a letter to Jenny and Matt and went to sleep. I had to go take another T.B. test and had to walk about a mile to do it. By the time I got back I was so exsauted.
Today was a great day. I got a letter from my son and a picture of him. He told me that there having a girl. I'm so proud of him! I was also told today that I am going to 3-1 level so I can go out and find work. Also to cont. my G.E.D. class's at the college. Also if Hank wants me I'll be getting my pass approved to spend Thanks- giving and part of my birthday with him. Well gonna close and get some sleep after I finish my letter to my son.
Nov 17
Today started off good but after lunch I was reading in the paper where my brother got arrested for assault. I'm pretty upset about it since I know he was at the Bar and I just feel how upset he is. Also got a letter from Hank and a birthday card. He's still questioning our relation ship since he dose'nt have control of me. First off I feel he wants this for me but also simce I'm not around him all the time he feel's he losing me. I'm starting to feel control come back and his possiveness. I love him but I have to do this for myself. Also he's starting to repeat him self and bringing up the past. He is so insecure and needs to move on if our relation ship is to grow. Anyway, I got my one month chip at A.A. and am proud of myself hopefully next Friday I'll get my two month chip. I'll just put this all in god's hand's and go from there.
Nov 18
Well today was quite the strange day. We all went out and raked leaves. Only did two yard's for 25. dollar's. Froze my butt off but it was'nt all that bad. We had our A.A. meeting here which was good but still prefer the outside A.A. meetings better. It was Kinda a slow day tho just got done watching a cool movie called Cadence. After all this I'm heading in to take a shower. I feel Kinda grodie. Candie left to go spend the weekend with her mom & daughter. Poor kid. Her mom strikes me as a bitch and I can see why Candie dose'nt see eye to eye with her. I think they both could use some family counsling. Anyway, not much else to write about so will close for now. Could really use a good night's sleep. Five O clock comes early. Xo sleeping in on Sunday's. Everyday is starting to run into each other. No difference or change.
Nov 19
Today has been a good day. Talked to Hank and told him I applied for a pass to come and stay with him Thurs. Thanksgiving at 5:00 ( he can pick me up at that time) and be back here at 5:00 Saturday on my Birthday. He seened excited about it but was'nt sure how Alice would feel about it. He also told me how my sister was the one who called the police on my brother. She is nothing but a lousy back stabber and all it did was re-fuel my anger at her. I have noticed that since I have learn'ed how to control my anger it really is'nt bothering me as much as it normally would. Normally I would seek out revenge on her but I don't feel that way anymore. I know by not speaking to her will hurt her more and having nothing to do with her. I have lost all trust. But by talking to someone alway's help's me and I will put this also in gods hands. Well today was still a good day and a relaxing day. Would love to be able to sleep in tho just one day. Oh well, eye's hurt so going to stop for now.
Nov 21
Yesterday was such a slow day and not much really went on. Just the same old routine. But today was a really fantistic day. I'm now at 3.1 level. I went out at 9:30 pm ( Hank picked me up ) and went job hunting. We had a good day togeather. I put in a few apps. went to manpower, CSI and employment agency. Tomarrow he'll be picking me up at 9:00am and will go out again. I want to stop at K-Mart since they are hiring and Jan the cook here has said she will vouge for me. So If I get hired I will honestly do my best so as not to disappoint her or myself. I have an appt. Tuesday at 10:00 pm with CSI to fill out appl. for there plus have to get my appl. for filled out for Casey's. Will turn that in tomarrow. Man what a great day. I feel so good about myself.
Nov 22
Well today I went out job hunting again. Hank picked me up at 9:00 am and I got back around 2:15 pm. I applied at lease four places and have one app. to return. I also have am interview to go to at HyVee's at 4:00 pm on the 28th. Also Monday will be going to remedies in Fort Maidison to apply at Scotts again. It would'nt be to bad if Hank and I both got hired on there I guess. But I will take anything that I can get right now. Man it is so quite here. Mostly everone has gone for thanksgiving at 5:00 and Wayne will be leaving tomarrow morning. What a day well that's all for tonight.