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| Daily Journal By Lori McMillan |
| I remember the call that my sister made to me. This was not the first time she called me for help. We started out at keokuk hospital she was there for 3 week's and had a real hard time going through D.T.S She was put on a IV and had to take med's to help her through. She would see thing's and have very bad nightmare's. There became a opening at IRTC in Mt. Pleasant on the way she wanted me to stop at a store. So she could get some sleeping pills.I would not stop at the store. I know that if she need somethng they would give it to her there. And I also know of her Drug use in the past. She tried so hard to keep knum. I could fill her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. She was so mad at me. We did get to Mt pleasent and she stayed there for about 6 weeks. From the time she went in to Mt. pleasent she would not talk to me any more. Why because she wanted to leave and someone call'ed me. And I felt that I had no choice but to court commit my little sister. I had hope'd that if she got enough clean time that she would be able to fight this disease. After a few months ADD opened up. And she was there for a few weeks and than got her car and a job. and soon started to drink again She came to see me. Thinking about the things she said to me I should of knew she was in troulbe This is in my story which will be add in time. |
| Oct. 30 2000 Being Monday it seened to start off if anything could go wronge it did. It passed tho. I'm in a much better mood. It dose'nt help much when you have a pounding headache eaither. I did break down and got something for it. I don't like to take pills and tryed to bear it so long as I could tho.Well tomorrow I get tested for my essay writting. I hope I pass it. Will need a clear head for it,so better close now and get some sleep. It's getting late. Oct 31 Today has been another busy day was suppose to take my test for essay writting earier. But the woman who dose it did'nt show up until later. I was so tird and had a headache. She set up a test date for me. For next tuesday, it'll take at lease 4 hour's for it. I willbe tested on two subjects instead of one subject. It would be so fantastic to have my G.E.D. Something I have always wanted. I have my driver's lic. I just need to get this and one of my goal's wll be accomplished. Well still have a headache so will close for now Nov.1 Today is visting day Hank show'ed up. (He has been clean now for 6 months.) He is doing so good we had a good vist I got his letter yesterday I was so happy that he wrote! It was the nicest vist yet that we have had. He still has his me me mine thing going on with himself. But I see he is trying to over come this possiveness.Even when I brought it up tho.he made the point of telling me that we already talked about it. So I can see he still has'nt really delt with it all the way. But I relize it will take time. Old habits are hard to break in just a few short days Well gonna close for now need some sleep. Nov.2 Yesterday was such a great day! I forgot to add that Collin corner'ed me outside and told me how impressed he was with the change in me and how good I am doing. I am so proud of myself! Today we made clay flower salt tempuna coloring hearts. There the purple hearts of courage. I like the way mine came out. I went to art class and have been I really like it. And it is a greart way to relieve stress. I been telling the others about it. And Tammy went with me. I made a butterfly and some rose's Instead of going to rce. I think I'll be going to art instead. Boy to much excitement. I also talked with my oldest Daughter and she is doing great. That was a real relief! I was so worried about her. To hear she has Chealsea back is so greart little one love's her red' greandma I miss them so much. But I am glad they are fine. Will need to close for now. Nov.3 Today has been a good day.In stress class we did role play. Healthly and unhealthly coping skills. We all had fun with that.I went up to art today and made rose's I real love doing my art. It relax's me so much.At woman's group tonight was finally a good one . It's the first one "since I have been here". That was really good . We actually stuck to a topic and all of us talked and stayed on it. I seen a lot of emotions come out that I feel needed to come out. I know that it hurts but those are some issues that need to be delt with. That is some of the reason's we are here. They wanted me to be chair but I declimb I think Cindy would be better. I told them that I would be sec. Will it's late so think I'll close Nov.4 Today has been a good day It seems that every day that I am here. I feel more like the same Lori I was when I wasn't drinking. I am feeling more and more sensitive to my own feelings. And to other's as well. I do'nt like to see anyone up set And I do my best to talk to them to see if there is anything I can say to help this place here has helped me so much and I have learned a lot. Even tho at times think about how it would be to stay longer and learn more I know I will have to move on with my life it is so fasinating the thing's I have learned The lectures classess and the video's. I hope to contuine on. Maybe some day I will be able to help other's as I have been helped. Will its time to close now its late Nov. 5 Today was just like any other Sunday slow. But Hank did come to see me. There is some problem's with my car insurance. They are trying to screw me. Out of two weeks of car insurance . Anyway it was nice to see him. Alice want's to show up Wensday for a one on one and Hank dose not want to be part of it. I told him I do'nt care about alice's showing up and doing this. But she is not the one I really Love or having a realtionship with it is him. Anyway I do not feel good tonight sick to my stomache and feel like I am coming down with a head cold. So going to close for now Nov.6 Well it is a typcial Monday slow starting but rether boring. I guess the rain can really depress a person a couple of girls were well up set and after a while it starts to get to you. We have a new girl on the floor so we are up to ten girls now. I can see problems with her already. She is in complete real denial she wants to go to A.A. But refuses to say she is a alcohol She say's that is what the judge or somebody said about her.But she dose'nt beleave she is. Do'nt real know why she is here yet. Well I am tried and feel a sligth temp. coming on. still do'nt feel so good. Nov.7 Today was a bad day. I was real sick I slept most of the day it was like a 24 hour bug. I noticed a lot of people hear are coming down with it to After a while I got up and tried to move around at 3:15 I went down to the ICN room to do some GED testing. I felt pretty sick but think I pased it It was for lanugue Art's And eassy writing So anyway It seened to past feel a little better Think I'll close for now. Nov.8 Well Hank and Alice showed up today for vistation I found out that I am leaving on Monday at 8:00 am to go to ADDS In Burlington I am to be there a 11:00 am it seems to me that I might have to fight Hank over my car and I will if I have too I feel like he is trying to keep me under his thumb and the more he keeps pressing on me the more He is losing me He thinks he is doing good but he dose not relize he is losing me more and more. He is now telling me that he is allowing me 14 cigs a day. He can kiss my ass. I am already tring hard to quit the alcohol. And he wants to take away my smoking do'nt think so well enough of that. Think I'll close now. Nov9 Its been a sad day for me today some very close people left today They huged me and told me that they love'd me and will write or call maybe even come to see me I sure hope so I found my self getting so close to them I walked around today in a daze I just could'nt seem to get with it. Not only is it a full moon the scedule all messed up seens Friday is a holiday we are going by Saturdays schedule. Thurs. evening we with to Fridays schedule so its just been all messed up. Anyway Mark has been tring to cheer me up. He is a nice person and I tried to snap outta of it. hopefull tomorrow will look and be better. till then.... Nov10 Another day of really nothing to do justing going with the flow. Been playing checkers with Mark and have win every game but on. He seems mad today and has only talked to me once. Do'nt know whats up but have stayed away. I do'nt even make eye contact with him. Well there is others that are my friend that I talk to it was my last womans group tonight and we said are good-bys and I voted for heather to take my place as secretary of the womans group and had it second'ed She was shocked but thank me for doing it Well to more day's and I am leaveing here I feel my heart ache Because I will miss everyone so much. But it is time for me to move on. I feel sad right now but will get over it time to close now it is 11:30 |
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