"Destroyed by MTV I want to bite the hand that feeds me too much information"
Some song by Duran Duran

I talked with my good buddy today and we both had a long conversation about how a majority of people this day and age seem like as if they were made in a factory. That they are manufactured to like a certain type of music, clothes, lifestyle, and that literally it seems as if everyone IS doing it. And since we're both music buffs, that was the main point, how a band comes up with a new style, and then here comes all these other bands that are only there to capitalize on the money from that new style (i.e. boy bands, current punk rock, etc) It's shoved into our brains that we should be like what we see on tv. We should be rebellious, dress like whores, if you can't get a guy go get a girl or vice versa, skinny, we should be exactly like what we see on tv. And if we're not then we're nothing. If you are not pretty, rich, whatever, if you are not what society expects you to be, then they don't want anything to do with you, they don't want to even see the most important part of you... your true self or whatever you want to call it. Some of the coolest, most interesting people I know are not the glamourous ones, they're not the rebellious ones, or the loud ones, they are the quiet humble people who always sit on the sidelines. They're not seeking the praise of the world, they simply want to be themselves without anyone bothering them about it. It's people like them who end up in the jobs that they like, marry the person of their dreams (because the person of their dreams wasn't a super model), and generally are more well rounded. Those are the people I like to hang around, those are the people I like to talk to because they don't limit their converstations to boys, sex, and drugs.

Well I found an old journal entry of mine that has something very important to me. So I'm going to cut and paste it here for everyone to read.

Am I the only normal person on the face of this earth??

Do you ever have these spells when you observe the people around you and come to the conclusion that no matter what people tell you, you are "normal" and perhaps the only normal person you know??? I understand that may sound quite shallow, but think about
this...

I'm at school, sitting on the red picnic table by the scronny tree, surrounded by some friends of mine. I sit there, watching what they do, the expressions on their faces, their body language, and listen closely to their tone of voice when the speak. They all seem so free
willed. They remind me of people who go tubing on a river. Lounging in their inner-tubes, they just sit and float and let the river take them wherever they go. Don't have a care in the world to where it takes them, they just float.

I turn my head slightly and look towards the gazebo (also known as the "prep deck"). The kids there seem quiet the same as my friends at the picnic table. They also float down the river, but unlike the others, they seem to float a little slower. They have a tendency to come to a halt when adults are around, sitting at the banks of the river. But when the adults are gone and they are alone, or when they are surrounded by their closest friends, down they go, full speed ahead.

I lay there in the hot sun, lounging on my inner-tube. The sun scorching my already burnt skin, I look up and see what was around me. On the shore laid a small piece of paper. None of the others seemed to notice or pay any attention to it when they passed by. I paddled the tube, with my arms and legs, to shore. I picked up the paper and looked at it closely. On it was a detailed charcoal sketch of a beautiful woman. Her hair was tied up in a bun, with strands loosely hanging in front of her face. Her skin looked so soft, and her eyes so understanding. I fell in love with this picture. I was curious to where it came from, so I got off my tube and searched the area and came upon a hill. I found more pictures with wonderful drawings on them. Surely whoever had drawn these has lost them and is wondering where they went to.

I turned to my friends on the river. They were ahead of me now. I ran a few yards along the hill, shouting at them to come and see, but they didn't pay any attention to me. Those who did notice me on the hill laughed at me saying "You'll get nowhere that way! Get back on the river, common lets play!!"

Sadly I realized that they were too far ahead for me to catch up. I looked at the river to see where their destination lay. It sloped downward, and it flowed into a swift stream. From the stream lay a vastly open ocean that I knew for sure would separate them and take them to the middle of it for them to waste away in the sun, or be devoured by predators.

I looked down at the number of papers strewn about on the ground. I gathered them up and examined each of them with such curiosity and admirance to the person who drew them. I read the signature, and a shock came over me. My name was on these pictures! "But I never drew this! I could never hold the talent that is in this artist's hands," I said, thinking out loud. Scared, I threw them back on the ground, (except for the one that I found on shore) and got back on my tube. As my foot touched the water, I noticed that the picture faded. The deeper I went into the water, the more it disappeared. But when I walked away from the shore, the picture came back. Then a thought occurred to me, this picture was an indication of the results of my decisions. If I merely went with the "flow of the crowd" I would become lost, and risk losing that talent that I admired so much. But if I went my own way and explored things, I would become better, and not just in art, but all things.

I decided to toss my tube back into the river. I did not need it anymore. I would go and determine my own path and not let myself get lost in the dangers of the ocean.... They, who were in the river, but now advancing into the stream, they were the ones who are going
nowhere.
Dot adjusted her glasses @10:23 PM

"It ain't my whore, it ain't my whore, it ain't my biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitcha!"
Metallica, Ain't My Bitch

Okay, Beth and Ashley are contributing to today's blog. Beth wants to make it known that not all girls are cheap whores and bisexual sluts. Ashley would like to say "HUGBEES!"

We all went to the Sister Hazel show at Floyds today. Must say I DON'T LIKE BOOZERS! Especially the smoking kind. Poor Ashley is suffering from the symptoms of second hand smoke and is about to die of emphazima. *sobs* Just one bit of exposure kids can kill you. So DON'T SMOKE! All you smokers are going to visit Peaches in Heck! And watch boring game shows for all eternity. Well maybe not... but YOU STILL SHOULDN'T SMOKE OR DRINK! Unless its water... water is good to drink... it flushes out your system and makes you feel all nice and clean on the inside. Okay so maybe I'm just a big fat liar, but the Truth van has been parked in the apartment complex across from me, so well, that's all I see when I walk out of my door. It's a big van... it's black. Black represents death. So smoking + lots of money for cigs( number of years smoking - more money for dr bills) = big funeral expense.
Dot adjusted her glasses @1:39 AM

"I should warn you,
I go to sleep;
Nothing hurts when
I go to sleep;
yeah...
I get...
Upset
or happy
I go to sleep;
You don't know when
I go to sleep;
Cuz I'm not tired...
I'm not tired..."
Ben Folds Five, Narclopsy (yes I know my spelling sucks)

Actually that song does have quite alot to do with me lately. This entire week I've been stuck with a major case of fatigue. Boy does it suck. I've fallen asleep during my Marine Bio class several times,(darn Discovery Channel has to make everything so relaxing!!), and found myself nodding off in English. Now I would sleep during my first period if I could, but with APE you can't sit around. But it got so bad that on Wednesday, after Seminary I went home, and went straight to bed. I ended up going to school after lunch. My main problem is that I've been going to bed too late and waking up too early (also I have symptoms of a cold.. just hope I don't get it full swing again!!). So I've commited myself to going to bed at 9:30. Only problem is... I'm so used to staying up late that I can't sleep!!! That's why I'm typing now... got nothing better to do.

I went job hunting at the mall today, and well it's sad that all the stores are advertising for Valentines day, and it's not even Febuary yet! It makes me sick at times because we all know if you're single on V-Day then well at least you'll get candy from your friends or family. But some people are so obessed with the idea that they HAVE to have a boyfriend/girlfriend on that day, just to end up dumping them either the next day or later in the week. *sigh* What a sick sad world. I decided to show my bit of humor on this subject. I've planned to bring a helium filled ballon to school w/ a face drawn on it, then walk around school claiming it's Mr. Snuggles, my boyfriend. Heck I'll even try to get a picture taken of Mr. Snuggles. So all you single people out there, just remember that Mr. Snuggles is there for you on Valentine's Day.
Dot adjusted her glasses @10:15 PM

"We enjoy the madness cuz we know we're gonna fade away."
--Robbie Williams, Millenium

Boy in just two days, things have really changed! Regarding my friends in Tallahassee, it's a total shock to me. One of them has been arrested because he's a cleptomaniac (without our knowledge of what he was doing) and will basically be in jail for a really long time, thankfully. Another one has had his grades in school screwed up, so he will possibly be moving to California as soon as Tuesday, and another will be moving to Utah in Feburary. So then my usual group of friends will be reduced to 3, me, Olivia, and Michelle. But I don't plan on staying here for much longer as it is *if I even get accepted to the college of my choice* so it'll be sad to leave them, and especially my friends in Bristol cuz I'm used to seeing them at least once a week, but that will be reduced to holidays when I go back home. Hopefully they'll write and call me! PLEASE!! *cries* What will I do without Running With Scissors??!!! Be incredibly bored!

I've finally told myself that I'm going to finish my artwork for Mrs. Connie's book. It's been really hard to find the insparation for it, but I have the confidence that if I take it with me to school and work on it in the art room at lunch I can finish it. The same goes for a project of mine. But I'm not going to give that away... hehe.
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:26 PM

And now Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy!

"My favorite relative was my uncle. His name was Uncle Cave Man We'd call him Uncle Cave Man because he lives in a cave, and sometimes when we played with him he would eat one of us. Then we realized that Uncle Cave Man wasn't our uncle, and was really a bear."

Well it's not the direct quote... close enuff.
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:14 PM

From the back of your big brown eyes
I knew that you'd be gone as soon as you could
And I hoped you would...

We could see that you weren't yourself
And the lines on your face did tell
It's just as well...
You'd never be yourself again.

You're the magic that holds the sky up
From the ground
You're the breath that blows these cool winds
Around
You'd trade places with an angel
Now

Saw you last night
Danced by the light of the moon
Stars in your eyes
Free from the life that you knew...

Saw you last night
Stars in the sky
Smiled in my room.
--"Magic" by Ben Folds Five

My parents are the most confusing people on earth! My dad tells me one day while at dinner with our friggin LAND LORDS, "I'm not going to lie, I'll be glad when you're gone." then he keeps insisting that I finish my education in Tallahassee, which would only prolong my stay at home. So what the heck am I supposed to do hmm? That's why I want to go out of state, to get away from my entire family, even my brother who is the "perfect" one of the family cuz he's Mr. Successful. Everyone says "Oh you've got it easy if you stay at home, blah blah" Easy my butt! My dad has gotten into a state where if something isn't the way he wants it, he gets pissed. My friends think my family is perfect, but they never see what goes on inside. Each of us seem to regress to our happy lands since we're all so miserable together. Dad's is the nintendo, mom's is television, and mine is pretty much my art, music, or the computer. I'm even starting to believe my major depression from the Christmas of '99 was partially from my situation with them. Now don't get me wrong, I too can be the biggest pain in the ass, I love my parents, and I am thankful I had them because there are kids who are suck with much worse, or don't have any at all. But this whole situation still bothers me, and that's why I want away from it all.

But after all this, for some reason I still can keep myself content and happy... odd eh? That's the one cool thing about being an artist, you can see and feel things differant from other people. Like when I watch "My Neighbor Totoro" I don't look at is as a children's flick, I see it as a highly intelligant film that has a really imporant message in it: look at life through the eyes of a child and you will see things you have never seen before. I think another thing, even odder as it may seem, is that my innocence is another reason. Because of the strict standards of my religion, I haven't been exposed to certain things that would end up harming me (like alcohol, smoking, etc.). But the most important thing for any person who is going though the same situations to remember is, stay optimistic about things. The moment you lose hope and faith, that's the moment your spirit dies.

And now conculdes the session with Dr. Dot.
Dot adjusted her glasses @10:26 PM

Oi, I'm pretty pissed right now... my posts from last month were deleted so there goes my Tao of Pooh quotes... poo gas! Right now I'm in one of those moods where I want to live on a deserted island and well never come back. It's quite sad when you think you find people who are like you, and then you realize that you're still differant. It's like I'm looking for something that I know I won't find, they're either too far from my reach, or living in a fantasy world of their own... Donno, I hate Sundays cuz I can't really do anything except stay at home, and that gives me way too much time to think, and if I think too much I get either sleepy or depressed.

Ya know, it's funny how some girls will defend Britney Spears and Christina What's-her-name-a (watching that sorry excuse for a music channel, MTV) by saying "If I had a body like hers I'd be doing the same thing!" Okay, most girls who say that already have a decent body shape so my question to you is "Why don't you?" You want to dress like a cheap prostitute? Dance on a stripper pole so all the guys around you start masturbating at the sight of you? And then have the public criticize you for your every move to the point you have to make a cheap excuse to rationalize your slutty behavior? If you wanna be like them why don't you go do it? Haha that's what I thought...

Oh well I should get off my lazy ass and work on something rather than type my life story into this thing.
Dot adjusted her glasses @5:22 PM

Touch the strings
And make noise
Strum them
Feel the mood
Play with all you have
Releasing all emotion inside
It is then, you are making music
--me
Dot adjusted her glasses @5:19 PM

One quick note:

I've set up my archives, so if any of you are intereseted into THE TAO OF POOH!! Or just reading my previous babble, well... go there.
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:34 PM

There isn't anything I can do,
Because it's the snobs who rule;
The ones who get it all,
While people like me can only watch
And fall...
--me

"I guess I am bathed in black light...
I guess that I am not right..."
--a song of Beth's

Don't worry, I'm not sinking into the dephts of depression... You'll get all of this when you read on.
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:10 PM

Aww poo gas! I'm not on blogger's new servers!! *pouts* Oh well, all is well! hehe. Welcome back to our next installment of "Dot Chan's World of Imaginary Pink Elephants, Pretty Rainbows, and Scary People That Scare Me" Today we shall discuss more experiances in the forever decieveing world of "reality" (no I'm not going psycho) and how I navigate through the caverns of new experiances and the tunnel of um... stuff. -- insert fancy title here --

Today after my first period class (APE) I about broke down crying. The kids all did stations in the weight room (with the newly installed heater!! Oooh aaah). Most kids now-a-days would moan and groan saying "But I hate doing sit-ups!" or "I don't wanna lift those heavy things! I'm a spoiled pampered brat and I don't want to break my nails!" That's what I heard from some brats on the first day of class (and they were't the group of kids that I work with... thankfully!). Quite sad really... I really wanted to pelt those girls with a ... a... something that would hurt alot! But the kids I worked with, geez, they were enthusiastic about the workout! Everyone (even the kids in wheelchairs and were capable) participated in stretches and weightlifting. The other kids went from station to station, each having a huge smile on their faces and blushing when you told them "You did a good job!", and they all did.

After it was all over, I was helping a girl, Pam, replace the plexiglass table on her wheelchair. She looked at me and said, "You're so nice. Not like most girls I know, they're all a bunch of snobs" I laughed and replied, "Yeah I know how you feel, I delt with them all the time at my old school." Then she asks me, "What did you do?" I sighed and replied "Nothing... there wasn't anything I could do." When I went back to the gym and thought about that, I almost cried. That moment I remembered all the crap that certain people had put me through during my stay in Bristol. Oi, that was the most depressing time in my life, something I will never forget. Just the thought, that no matter how hard I try to influence people for good, there's always that group that don't care about anything except themselves. They don't bother to think about someone's situation before they make a demeaning comment about someone's clothes or their hair. They don't consider someone's family life before making the comment "That kid is screwed up! I can't stand him/her" It really sucks. It's so amazing how these kids, that to some are considered nothing more than "stupid, handicapped kids" are the most open minded and most accepting people I have ever known. They don't care about who you are, where you came from. They will accept you at the drop of a hat as long as you accept them for who they are, and don't treat them as if they're stupid. Yet, people like me are liked the APE kids, a majority of people don't seem to try to get to know us for the people we truely are. What can we do about it? Nothing but continue to strive to be the best we can be, and bring our friends along the way.

Dot adjusted her glasses @9:07 PM

You two face poser
You call me a lie
Look at yourself in the mirror
And watch your spirit die

I am only myself
And that is all I shall be
I claim to be nothing more
Than what you now see

But you don't know who you are
You don't know what you feel
You called me a fake
But what makes you so real?
*snappy snappy*

Note from Dot: for those of you with keen eyesight, you will notice my many misspellings. My words to you are:
"I refuse to conform to society's views of spelling and education. Thankyou."
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:42 PM

"People lie.
and I thougt politicians were bad..."

Today is a jolly good day I do so believe. Why? I don't know, because instead of feeling my usual "spiffiness" I'm feeling rather "jolly". Don't ask...

Ya know, after today, I have LOTS of respect for teachers and what they do. I realized how hard it was to try to force someone who has never drawn before to copy something the way they see it (not glace at a picture and then draw what they "think" they saw, never looking back.) and also trying to show someone who has a slight lack of imagination how to imagine the shading of a sphere... oi! I felt bad for these two girls who sit at my table in art. Neither have had ANY art experiance. One is a senior who is athledic, and the other one... well she's a very shy person, but shy people are awesome. But they were't quite seeing things as to how Mrs. Little drew several pictures that we were to mimic the styles. But it was fun, it helped them to get comfortable around me, and me to feel comfortable helping them without feeling like I'm trying making myself look better than everyone else (not that I have been, but I hate it when I get the feeling like as if I look like I'm showing off... oi I hate show-offs).

But one experiance today that was completely humbling was my first period class, Adaptive P.E. APE is a class for students who are severely mental and physically handicapped. Some kids simply have mental handicapps, some just phsycial, and a few that had a combination. I am enrolled in the class as an aide, and at first I was kinda leery about it because I have never had contact with people who have those limitations, but now I will admit I really enjoyed the class and I can't wait until tomorrow. What amazed me was how all the kids in the class were the closest of friends. Not something you see among "normal" people. For instance, this one girl Charity, who is deaf, mute, and phsically handicapped, had to sit on the sidelines while everyone did their excercises. She tried her hardest to strech her arms, and other parts of her upper body. She tried to throw a ball, but because of her limitations she has a hard time grasping it. After everyone was through with their activity they all came up to her and gave her a huge smile and told her what a good job she had done. It was just amazing at how they would all help each other out and support one another in performing these physical tasks. I wish everyone would have the chance to see what went on in there. These kids were the perfect example to me of what we should be like, completely selfless.

Dot adjusted her glasses @9:09 PM

Hmm... be a while since I've updated this thing eh? Oh well, happy belated new year to all of you! I pretty much spent my holidays with Beth, Ashley, Erin, and Julia. We lit fireworks is 20 degree weather, roasted marshmellows to make smores, and watched movies (I fell asleep after the first one cuz I was pooped!) I had a great time tho. Then yesterday was Erin's birthday so we all ate at the Olive Garden, went to BOTH malls in town, busted lots of money at Funstation (I'm sooooo addicted to Gauntlet Dark Legacy it's sad! Hehe even Beth is addicted to it now!)

School is back! YAY! I have art this semester, so I'm really happy!!!!! I've finally decided to apply to Savannah College of Art and Design, just need to work my buns off for the ACT (gotta get a 27 and my last test I only made a 24... poo gas) So wish me luck guys!

Okay I have yet another book plug... Memories of a Giesha! I was at Barns and Noble to study for an English project and I ended up picking up that book instead. I read about 40-something pages (literally) and was immediatly hooked! I felt really bad for the girl though... she didn't choose that lifestyle, rather forced into it with the death of her mother. Quite sad that the practice still goes on... Hopefully I'll be able to buy it and finish it out.

Well that's it in my boring life! Nothing else going on... yet so caio!

Dot adjusted her glasses @9:01 PM