Local Girl Creates Worst Piece of Art Ever Made; Cripple Dad Disowns 'the hell out of her'
by lonnie Blossom
New York - Only in New York can a small child singlehandedly mutilate the very idea of Art and still be allowed to exist / mingle with other kids.
This is the offense of Susie VanHorn; a 1st grader from Woodside Queens. For a school project on Theatre she drew a picture of her family standing in front of a rainbow. Most critics begin their thrashing of the piece by pointing out the gaudy and unnatural colors used to portray the sky, people and rainbow itself. "It's bloody filthy I say," said British Academy of Art Teacher William Helliger, "it disgusts me to see that children are still allowed to be. The painting has no sign of theatre on it and Nathan Lane told me he's mega pissed."
Not everyone holds the same opinion as him though. "I think the fact that she portrayed me as some kind of cripple is absolutely ludicrous." swore Dad, Gary. "I broke my fucking leg playing soccer w/ her for crying out loud!" "I'm gonna disown the hell out of her for putting me in pigtails."
It should be said that Susie's use of black and purple in the arch was maybe her worst mistake. Any respectable artist would have known that those colors arent seen in rainbows. "My Mommy says i'm a color blind little cuss." stated Ms. VanHorn.
New York Times art intern Duane Dzuba overheard his boss (a critic) say that he gagged when she saw the painting on the internet yesterday. He said that the woman "needed a drink after that." No word on if VanHorn has plans to break out her watercolors or crayons ever again. |
