| And I never thought I'd feel this way And as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say That I do believe I love you And if I should ever go away Well, then close your eyes and try To feel the way we do today, And then if you can remember, Keep smiling, keep shining, Knowing you can always count on me For sure That's what friends are for For good times and bad times I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for I never thought I'd feel this way Well you came and opened me And now there's so much more I see And so, by the way, I thank you. And then for the times when we're apart Well, then close your eyes and know These words are coming from my heart And then if you can remember Keep smiling, keep shining Knowing you can always count on me For sure That's what friends are for In good times and bad times I'll be on your side forevermore That's what friends are for |
| WELCOME TO MY WEB SITE!!! |
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| I know, I need a life! But I've had so many requests from people I have met about making a site of my own, so that they could learn a bit more about me. Not only did I want to make this site to deticate to all of my wonderful friends, (you'll see I'm ALL ABOUT friends, everyone needs them and mine are my backbone), I also figured that since I had so many friends scattered out accross the world, that it would be a nice way for us to keep in touch with each other and see what is going on. First of all, my name is Carla Nichols. I am 21 years old, from Canton, Ohio. For anyone that doesn't know me, you'll find that I am a true punk at heart! Punk music is so awesome, and makes you feel so alive, and Finch and The Used are totally awesome. I sing and play guitar and am trying to put together a band. I'm in the process of perfecting my sk8boarding, snowboarding and surfing skills. (Like that's ever gonna happen!!!) One thing that I would like you to keep in mind is that Goth and Punk are different. I am NOT GOTH...I'm far from it! So please do not get confused and think that I am a dark, creepy, devilish girl who likes to watch people bleed! I just like to chill, have fun and ROCK OUT! |
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| ME NOW |
| ME THEN |
| RYAN |
| ME |
| LISA |
| JEFF |
| A poem I wrote about Ryan when I was really depressed. |
| Last Updated: 08/06/2004 |
| Music: On My Own by The Used |
| And to all of my friends, ESPECIALLY the three listed above... It is rare that you meet someone who, with that first smile becomes your friend. Someone who knows nothing about you one day and all your secret thoughts the next. Someone who asks for nothing in return for friendship but friendship itself. Someone with who it is just as easy to share sadness as it is to share joy. I found that rare someone when I found you. And like a precious memory, a friendship like ours is forever. |
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| ME |
| JUST |
| HAVE QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS?? |
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| That's What Friends Are For |
| Burt Bacharach |
| All contents propety of Carla M. Nichols (or authors as noted) and may not be used or reprinted unless express written consent from owners is granted. |
| A list of my favorite bands...RIGHT ON! |
| This car has some BALLS! |
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| A wonderful son, husband, friend...and soldier. |
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| I'm also VERY big on cars and drag racing. There's nothing better than pulling up to a dude in a sports car and smoking his ass, lol. All of these things come second of course, to my love of animals! I own, breed and show purebred Alaskan Malamutes, the most beautiful breed in the world! |
| I have 3 of them so far. I also have a Chow Chow mix and an Airedale Terrier mix, and 3 Persian mix cats. We have a couple of birds and some fish too, and my back up plan if I don't become the lead singer of a band, is to become a veterinarian. I have a couple years of pre med in already, and can alwasy go back if my music career doesnt take off. |
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| Jeff and Lisa, the the girl and guy on the right in the picture are two of my bestfriends. Ryan, the guy on the left, is my ex-boyfriend...my first true love, my first EVERYTHING, and we are still good friends. One thing you may need to know to understand me better, is that there are two people that have been a part of my life that have greatly affected me and helped shape the person I have grown into. The first of these two people is my best friend, Lisa. The second is my first true love; The one person that will forever hold a special place in my heart, and who I will always love deep down, no matter how much we fight and think we hate each other at times. Ryan helped me to see who I really am. Although the whole first page of this site is about him, I want you to keep in mind that the reason I wrote this was because I wanted everyone to know how much he truly touched my life and inspired me to keep going when I thought there was nothing left for me. I litterally have him to thank for my exsistence. He has saved me more times than you know, and I owe my life to him. I'm sorry if this upsets any boyfriends that I have dated since Ryan, or anyone that I am currently seeing or talking to. But I owe this to him, and every word of this is true. So, here we go... We met our junior year of highschool (2000). Being a majorette all 4 years of highschool, I was part of the "in" crowd, while Ryan was part of the "bad boy" crowd. Lisa introduced us. To understand that a little better, I should tell you the story of me and Lisa first. |
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| My baby...a 1994 Acura Integra GSR with many upgrades. |
| One of my Alaskan Malamutes |
| "VERIZON" as a pup |
| One of my Alaskan Malamutes |
| "KAYLA" |
| Lisa and I met when we were 8 years old. We were students at the same dance studio, where we learned to become twirlers (majorettes...I have twirled since I was 3, she was just beginning). Her first day of dance class, she came up to me and introduced herself. I remember laughing at her for her southern accent (she is from Texas). But from those first words she spoke to me, "Hi, my name's Lisa!! I'm from Texas!" the rest is history. |
| We've been best buds ever since, and I couldn't live without her. Anyway, back to the original story. When we were in 8th grade, we tried out for our highschool majorette line (which would begin practice the summer before our freshman year). I made it, and Lisa didn't. For some reason, we grew apart after that. She became part of that "bad boy" (or in her case, "bad girl") crowd, while I became part of the "in" crowd. She didnt try out for the line our sophomore year, since she still was not over the fact that she didn't make it the year before. Within those 2 years, she met Jeff, who was Ryan's best friend. Her and Jeff became so close, that NOTHING could break them apart (but just in a friend way). By the way, about 2 years ago they became a couple, and have been happily in love now for 2 years! |
| Me and Lisa at the Military Ball, 2000 (The first dance I ever went to with Ryan.) |
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| Me...senior twirling picture. |
| Well, when the time came for twirler tryout for our Junior year, Lisa decided to try out again. This year she made it!!! I was so excited, and after we were forced to spend the entire summer together for practice, we quickly became best friends again. When school and the football season started, I sort of fell for a different guy named Ryan (not the same Ryan that is the main focus here) and we broke up near the middle of that year. I was so depressed, and did nothing but cry on Lisa's shoulder. We were in Spanish class together, which was our second class of the day. |
| One day while we were sitting there, I looked at her and said, "Lisa, I really need a new man". She looked up at me, gave me the biggest smile in the world, and screamed "RYAN!". I looked at her very confused, and whispered, "but, hun, we just broke up". "No, not that Ryan, silly, Ryan List!" she said. I knew I had heard the name before, but I couldn't think of exactly who he was. There were over 6,000 students at my highschool. She then told me that Ryan was Jeff's best friend. I was a little worried, since they weren't really the type of people I usually hung out with, but I decided to give it a try. |
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| Lisa...senior twirling picture. |
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| That weekend, Lisa and Jeff set up a blind date for me and Ryan, and we all went to dinner and a movie, and to shoot some pool. At the end of the night, Ryan dropped me off at my car, and we had our first kiss. I knew right then that we were going to be together. And it wasn't going to be like all of my other so-called "relationships". |
| This was going to be real, and we were going to last. From that day, for the next 2 years, we were a happy couple. "THE" couple of Mckinley Senior Highschool..."THE" couple that everyone knew and talked about. The unimaginable, "never thought it would happen, they are so different" couple. But we worked. And our two very different "crowds" came together. |
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| But back to what I was saying about him opening my eyes...At first, he put up with all of my "OH MY GOD, what will my friends think" crap. But after awhile, he got sick of it, and he would always tell me to be myself, and not care about what other people thought of me. In time, I began to think that way. He made me realize, for example, that I didn't like all that "boy band" shit I was listening to...I did it because my friends did it. There are so many things that he opened my eyes to, and so many things he did for me. He made me find the true me. And he showed me what it was like to be truely loved. He always did something sweet on our anniversaries. He'd get me flowers for no reason. Send me cards. Take me out on short notice just to surprise me. |
| He truely gave me his all, and made me feel like the most important person in the world. But one night, some things happened that I was blamed for. All of my friends (which were also now his friends) and all of his friends (which were also now my friends) turned on me. Even Lisa. They made him choose between me and them. He ultimately chose them, after 2 years of us being so perfect. They all hated me, wanted nothing to do with me, and Ryan had to sneak to even talk to me on the phone. But he still did, and we still saw each other everynight. We would sit in his car at "our spot" (a little parking lot outside a church) and talk, and cry about not knowing where to go or what to do about our problems. But he was all I had left, and I didn't even have all of him. All I had was Ryan, when he had time, and could get away from everyone else without them knowing where he was going. Things went on like that for almost 10 months. Then one day, he stopped answering my phone calls...for 2 weeks we didnt talk. |
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| After 2 weeks of no communication, I finally heard from him. I had just gone up to my room at my granparents house to take a nap when the phone rang. I answered, and to my surprise it was Ryan! He said he had to pick his friend Jon up from work in an hour, and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him at "our spot" to talk. |
| Of course I said yes, and was on my way to see him. We sat there and did the usual, and when it was time for him to leave, I begged him not to go. I wanted him to go pick Jon up and come back and spend the night with me so that I could just lay there with him; and we could hold each other all night, like we had done for two years before. I wanted to spend the night with his arms around me, his eyes staring into mine like they so loving did in the past. I wanted him to run his fingertips over my face and whisper to me that he loved me, over and over again, just like old times. Over and over again I asked him to stay. I still remember exactly what he was wearing. What he smelled like. The look in his eyes before he kissed me good-night. I didn't want to let go, but I had to. He promised to call me later on that night. I got back in my car, and watched him drive away through teary eyes. After I gathered myself, I went home and cried myself to sleep. I didn't know exactly why I cried so hard, or why I felt so sick to my stomach, or why i pleaded with him not to go to the party he was talking about. Then, the next night, I found out why I felt so weird. |
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| I received a call that night from Lisa (who, if you remember, was one person that turned on me). I was confused as to why she was calling me after hating me for 10 months. She asked if I had talked to Ryan at all, and I told her that I hadn't since the night before. She then told me that it was because shortly after he left me that night, he went to that party. He got into the car with a drunk driver, and was in a terrible accident, that nearly took his life. She told me that when he woke up, he was asking for me, and that was the only reason she called. |
| Of course I rushed to the hospital, where he was in intensive care. Visiting hours were over, but since he was asking for me, they let me in. For about 10 minutes before I went into his room, Lisa made me gather myself, because I was histarical, and she didn't want him to see me like that. But once I saw him, laying in that bed, with all of these machines, and casts, and cuts and bruises all over his beautiful face, it was all I could do to not break down again. I was trying to be strong for him. He looked up at me and gave me as much of a smile as he could. I leaned down and whispered in his ear that I loved him, and he whispered it back. I only stayed for a few minutes. He was so tired, and needed his rest. But I went back and spent every minute possible with him, until he got to go home. Even then, I was still with him constantly, and tried my best to help take care of him at home. That brought us back together a little. All of our friends forgave me, and admitted that what happened in the past was childish, and that they missed having me around. Ryan and I tried dating again for about a month, but it did not last. He had changed a bit over time, and I guess wanted to explore his options. |
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| It has been almost 2 years since the accident (which happened in October of 2002) and although we grow farther and farther apart everyday, we are still friends. I admit that it is still hard for me to face the fact that we are not together, and everytime I spot him with another girl, my heart is ripped from my chest and stomped on. But we have both grown up now, and maybe what we had in the past was just "beginners luck". We were each others' first true love, first everything, and that can never be replaced. |
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| So we both have something special in one another. There can never be another "Ryan" for me, and there can never be another "Carla" for him. I have to live with that, and although I do not have him, I have a part of him that no one else can ever have. So as you can see, Ryan has touched my life in a way that no one else ever will. Like I said, I probably would not still be here if it werent for him, and I owe him everything. I'm sure I'll love again, but there is always a "first true love", and I thank God (and Lisa) everyday that mine was Ryan. |
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| ME |
| RYAN |
| LISA |
| Click here to read |
| Our first Christmas together, he got me a ring, with a poem inside. We were going to get married in April of 2004 or 2005. To this day my family still loves him so much, and his family loves me. (At least I hope so!) I still go over to his parents house, just to sit and talk with his mother. I've always seen them as part of my family, and I always will, forever. There were times when I felt I could no longer go on, and wanted to end it all, but he was always there to talk me through it. He genuinely cared what happened to me, and was willing to do whatever it took to help me and save me from these situations. He'd stay up with me all night until he knew I felt better, and when I went through a hard time and made myself sick, he layed in bed with me for almost 12 hours to make sure that I didn't stop breathing and I was okay. (Any family members that didn't know about this, don't worry, I'm okay now, and don't ask me about it, 'cause I really don't wanna talk about it...thanks.) |
| I was extremely bored! |