Narrator: No folks, not Sephiroth�. Not Orochimaru� BUUUUUT KAKASHI VS. CLOUD. Sakura vs. Aeris. Woooow.

Sasuke: Why don�t I get to fight?

Narrator: Because� YOUR NAME WASN�T MENTIONED ABOVE.

Beforehand:
-Dog ripping up red cloth.-

Sakura: KAKASHI!!!!!!!!!!!

Kakashi: -Freezes and looks around for Sakura.-

Sakura: Your dog ate my clothes!

Kakashi: -Squints and covers his eyes.-

Sakura: -Comes out with new outfit.-

Kakashi: -Peeks through fingers.- OOOOH. I thought you meant you were naked! Why do you look like Sasuke?

Sakura: �.

THE STORY BEGINS

Narrator: One day� in Konoha� No�. Somewhere in Montana on a cold�. Season day, the end was drawing near.

-Sakura and Kakashi start walking and come to the edge of a field only to see Cloud and Aeris standing at the other side. They look to each other, confused.-

All: What the hell?!

Sakura: Pinch me!

Kakashi: Why do I imagine that this is going to hurt me more than it will you�?

Sakura: -Slaps Kakashi.-

Kakashi: I knew it.

-Cloud and Aeris look to each other, confused.-

Aeris: Um� What are you wearing? You dress like Yuffie.

Sakura: Who�s Yuffie?

Aeris: A thief�

Sakura: � Still haven�t heard of her�.

-Cloud looks back and forth in between Aeris, Sakura, and Kakashi� the one lying on the ground.-

Cloud: How did you get on the ground?

Sakura: I kicked him when you weren�t looking�

Cloud: Where?

Sakura: � Where it counts�

-Score: Sakura: 10 Kakashi: -3 Cloud: 0 Aeris: 0.-

AND THE FIGHT BEGINS!

-Cloud and Aeris reach behind themselves and pick up materia.-

Cloud: How do we use these?

Aeris: I have no idea.

-They shrug and start throwing the materia at their foes. Kakashi and Sakura look startled.-

Sakura: -Gets hit in the forehead by a materia.- �. �Drags Kakashi onto his feet and places him in front of her.- Kakashi� Have I ever mentioned that you make a very good shield?

Kakashi: -Gets pelted by materia.-

Cloud and Aeris, together: I think we�re winning!

Sakura: -While pushing Kakashi in front of her, she uses him as a shield and then ducks underneath Kakashi�s legs and throws Kunai.-

Aeris: -Screams.-

-Soon, they run out of ammo and then look around. Sakura pushes Kakashi at the foes and then starts throwing material back. They both use each other�s weapons. At the end, Cloud throws a stuffed bunny at Kakashi and everyone freezes. Camera focuses in on the bunny.-

Sakura, Kakashi, and Aeris: What the hell?

Aeris: Cloud� Where did you pull that out of? And why did you have it? It�s not mine�.

Cloud: Uhh� -Nervous laughter.-

-Kakashi summons Duke and Duchess.-

Kakashi: Go get them!

Dogs: -Run in circles, wagging their tail. Discovers bunny and charges, attacking.-

Kakashi: � YOU ARE USELESS! �Replaces them with cat.-

Cat: �. �Walks away.-

Kakashi: You know what this calls for?!

Cloud, Aeris, and Sakura: What?

Kakashi: NUMA NUMA DANCE!!!!

-They all start dancing and then Sasuke starts dragging out four chairs. Sasuke points remote at camera and then pauses the music, sitting down in the chair. Cloud, Aeris, and Kakashi sit down. Sakura keeps singing and dancing.-

Kakashi: Sakura�

Sakura: -Looks back at everyone sitting on chairs.- WHAT?! Porque~?! �Falls to knees.-

Kakashi: I didn�t know you spoke another language�

Cloud and Aeris: Why do we recognize that from somewhere?

-Text on screen: Press 0 to kill Aeris. Press Triangle to kill the bunny. Press X to watch Numa Numa dance again.-

Narrator: What do you pick? Well, get all three!

-All three are shown at the same time.-

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-Kakashi was sitting down in the brush reading the latest copy of IIMT when Cloud came along and tripped over his leg causing him to fall, lose the keys to his bike, and lose his �kill sun� glasses. Kakashi screamed in pain and tossed his book. Kakashi got up slowly looking in the direction that he thought he threw the book, while Cloud looks in the direction that he thought he threw his sunglasses and bike keys. They are back to back looking in opposite directions. Then, they both turn around.-

Both- You!

Kakashi � You owe me a new copy of Ichi Ichi Make Out Tactics!

Cloud � Well, you owe me a new set of bike keys and sunglasses!

Kakashi � You have no honor.

Cloud � Yeah well, you can�t even spell honor.

Kakashi � It is true, but that is why I must defeat you and take your honor.

Cloud � WTF? How can you take my honor if, as you previously stated, I have no honor to begin with?

Kakashi � Uuuuuuuh�. Silence! We must battle to see who pays for what.

Cloud � Agreed.

-Cloud draws his huge buster sword while a giant shuriken appears in Kakashi�s hand from nowhere. Fight scene! ((Have some kind of music while fighting)) After about a minute of battle, a clock rings ((could use timer of some kind)). Both Cloud and Kakashi stop fighting, and Sakura comes out of nowhere and starts setting up a table. Cloud and Kakashi help her. When the table is set, they all sit down to have tea. Then, the clock rings again, everything disappears, and Cloud and Kakashi start battling again. Eventually, Cloud knocks Kakashi�s giant shuriken out of his hand.-

Kakashi � I see you know bi-chi-fu. Well, so do I. �Pulls out kunai.-

Cloud � Why would I buy cheese at Fuu�s? It doesn�t make sense. It�s so much cheaper at Vons.

Kakashi � Not buy cheese at Fuu�s. Bi-chi-fu the sword fighting style, you moron!

Cloud � Quit yelling at me! I can�t hear anything correctly since I fought Sephiroth. He likes to play really loud music when he is fighting. �Says this in a squeaky, teary voice and starts crying.-

Kakashi � Well, that�s too bad for you.

Cloud � Meany.

-Cloud smacks Kakashi along side the head with the flat side of his sword causing Kakashi to fall to the ground in PAIN.-

Kakashi � You�re going to pay for that.

-Cloud, still teary eyed but in rage, holds the sword over his head to chop Kakashi. Just as he cuts downward Kakashi replaces himself with a log.-

Cloud � Where did he go?

-Cloud starts looking around but can�t see anything.-

Kakashi � (Yells) Konoha secret figure jutsu � THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!!

-Kakashi appears right behind Cloud and performs the jutsu causing Cloud to fall to the ground in pain.-

Cloud � Damn you, Kakashi!!

-Unlike other loser, Cloud gets back up after the attack.-

Kakashi � Your will is strong, but what will you do against my sharingan.

-Kakashi pushes up his forehead protector revealing his sharingan eye.-

Cloud � Plenty against your FAT!

Kakashi � (In a teary voice.) You promised you would never go there.

Cloud � How did that happen anyway?

Kakashi � You know when Choji challenged me to that burger-eating contest about three days ago?

Cloud � Yeah.

Kakashi � Well, I lost.

-Kakashi starts crying.-

Cloud � YOU LOST!? -Starts LHAO- Didn�t you say you where going to use sharingan to copy all his moves. �Still giggling.-

Kakashi � Shut UP!!!!

-Kakashi starts throwing a lot of shuriken at Cloud who blocks every one of them with his sword. Then, Kakashi runs out of shuriken to throw.-

Cloud � My turn.

-Cloud starts charging at Kakashi, but Kakashi trips and falls just as Cloud is about to strike him with his sword. Sakura appears from nowhere and looks down at the two of them on the ground.-

Sakura � What are you two doing?

Both of them � NOTHING�!

Sakura � Riiiiight� Anyway, the pie is done so let�s all go and eat.

-Then, they all skipped off to Sakura�s house to eat pie.-

-Inside Sakura�s house.-

Sakura � By the way, I found these earlier.

-She pulls out Cloud�s bike keys, sunglasses, and Kakashi�s IIMT-

Cloud - Where did you find them?

Sakura � Funny story. I was walking down main street when I saw Yuffie running and giggling that giggle she does when she is up to no good, so I decided to sneak up on her and surprise her. She turned out to be heading for your bike, Cloud, and she was about to take off when�

-Two hours later-

Sakura � So, to make this long story short, she stole your bike and tried to bet off all your guys� stuff with some fan girls, and I swooped them and replaced them with cosplay replicas.

Cloud � Damn that Yuffie.

Kakashi � What would a fan girl do with my copy of IIMT?

Sakura � I don�t think I want to know. Anyway, look at the bright side� PIE!

-They all eat pie-

-fin- ((Maybe another song and dancing))

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Downstairs on the couches, Kakashi is reading and Sakura and Cloud are playing video games, sitting on opposite ends of one couch. A silhouette of Pikachu goes by on the wall followed by a noise.

Sakura: What was that noise? �Looks around.-
Kakashi: It�s nothing.

Pikachu pokes Cloud in the back of the head.

Cloud: God damn it, Sakura! Don�t touch my hair!
Sakura: -High pitched scared voice.- I didn�t touch your hair!
Cloud: Everyone knows you�re a ninja, Sakura. You can�t fool me with your ninja ways!

Sakura ignores Cloud and continues to play video games. OMFG Ninja snags the Red Vines and the container falls on the floor.

Sakura: What was that!? That was not nothing!

All three stand up and look around.

Kakashi: -Notices a trail of Red Vines.- Look, a trail of Red Vines! Why didn�t we notice that before?

The three follow the trail of Red Vines up the two flights of stairs to the bedroom. They look around all freaked out. The Pikachu doll is up on the windowsill looking down on them.

Kakashi: Whose room is this anyway?
Cloud: My room!

They look around in a calmer fashion when they hear a noise in the back room.

Sakura: What�s back there?
Cloud: It�s just a closet� or so I thought�

They all go back to the door leading into the room. Kakashi opens the door and finds Death/OMFG Ninja with a scythe/other threatening weapon.

Kakashi: Oh� It�s nothing� -Shuts the door.-
Pikachu: Pika�. Pika -Sitting on the bed.-

The three turn around. Cloud screams. (Optional)

Cloud: It looks so unnatural! �Balls fists in front of mouth.-
Sakura: Kakashi, do something!
Kakashi: I can�t! I left my shuriken downstairs.
Sakura: Cloud, use your sword.
Cloud: Does it look like I have it on me?
Kakashi: What are we going to do?

Sakura reaches into Kakashi�s pocket, pulls out Makeout Paradise, and chucks it at Pikachu. Pikachu falls off the edge of the bed.

Cloud: Did you kill it?
Sakura: I don�t know.

The three slowly creep towards the bed and peer over it to find Pikachu with a Red Vine in front of an army of stuffed animals.

Sakura: WTF?
Cloud: WTH?
Kakashi: WTS?

The three get pummeled with stuffed animals.

Kakashi: To the bathroom! Away!

The three retreat into the bathroom and shut the doors.

Kakashi: -Shakes Sakura by the shoulders.- What the hell were you thinking!? That was a limited edition copy of Makeout Paradise!
Sakura: -Sad/scared voice.- Uh� I�m sorry?
Kakashi: Well, as long as you�re sorry, I guess its okay. -Curls up by the toilet and starts crying.-
Cloud and Sakura: -Look at Kakashi.- Get over it.
Sakura: It�s not like you don�t have twelve more copies.
Kakashi: -Stands up� all better.- Good point.
Cloud: First of all, we all need to find some weapons. �Rubs hands together.- Let�s all see what we can find in the drawers. It�s been years since I last looked through them myself.

In fast motion, Kakashi, Sakura, and Cloud look in all the drawers, behind the toilet, etc.

Kakashi: -Hold up as pink comb.- I found this.
Cloud: What is that?
Kakashi: I don�t know. I�ve never seen anything like it in my life.
Cloud: And why is it pink?
Sakura: It�s a comb, you retards!
Kakashi: Oh, so that�s a comb.
Sakura: Any way, what did you find, Cloud?
Cloud: -Holds up a curling iron/hair dryer.- I found this thing.
Kakashi: What form of madness is this? �Takes it from Cloud and examines it.-
Sakura: That�s my curling iron/hair dryer! �Smacks both in the head.-
Cloud: -Grudgingly- So, what did you find?
Sakura: This! �Picks up a giant box and sets it on the counter.-
Kakashi: It�s like a treasure chest of hair gel.
Cloud: I can explain.
Sakura: Oh shut up. We all know you use hair gel.
Kakashi: Well, this �Motions to chest with his arms.- isn�t going to be any use to us.

A close up of the disclaimer on the back of the box says, �WARNING: This substance is highly flammable, and its only other suggested use is for repelling Pikachus.�

Cloud: I agree. Let�s all think of a plan then.

The three rub their chins for a moment. Then, Cloud and Kakashi look at each other.

Cloud: Are you thinking what I�m thinking?

Both look back at Sakura.

Sakura: -Looks uncomfortable.- What?

Cloud and Kakashi shove Sakura out the sliding door and shut it. Sakura bangs on the door, and Kakashi holds the door closed.

Cloud: Actually, I was just thinking of ordering a pizza �Pulls out cell pone and pretends to dial a number.-
Sakura: Let me back in!
Kakashi: No, you�ll kill us!
Sakura: I wouldn�t kill you, you asshole! I�d just give you a few light slams!
Kakashi: But that would hurt!
Cloud: -While the exchange with Sakura and Kakashi is going on.- Yeah, I�d like to order a pizza with tomato sauce, cheese, -Names other topping-, shoes, and no bun seeds� Yes, I would like it all on bread!

After all this, a stuffed animal peers around the corner at Sakura. Sakura looks terrified for a moment, then, goes evil when an army appears behind it.

Sakura: All right, you bastards! �Pulls a shuriken out of the closet.- Good thing we have weapons hidden everywhere. Bring it on!

The leading stuffed animal takes off towards Sakura. Back in the bathroom, Cloud and Kakashi are listening to the battle yells and ripping cloth through the door.

Cloud: Wow, what�s going on out there?
Kakashi: It sounds like she needs help.
Cloud: -Steps away from the door.- Great! You do that and� I think the pizza is here! �Opens the other door and leaves.-
Kakashi: There was another door there? �Whatever. �Opens the sliding door.-

Sakura is standing in the corner with her hair all messed up and her forehead protector crooked. She is breathing hard and has the giant shuriken clutched in her hands. There are bits of Kleenex, paper, cotton balls, etc. all over the floor.

Kakashi: Sakura, what did you do?
Sakura: -Through her teeth.- I killed them all!
Kakashi: -Looks over the corpses.- Okay, Sakura. �Holds out his hand.- Hand over the shuriken.
Sakura: No! You locked me out! �Prepares to hit Kakashi with the shuriken.-

Kakashi grabs the shuriken and the two fight over it for a bit. While they are fighting, Pikachu steals the tub of hair gel out of the bathroom.

Cloud: -Comes up the staircase and enters the bathroom.- Hey guys, the pizza�s�! �Screams-

Sakura and Kakashi stop fighting and come into the bathroom.

Kakashi: What is it?
Cloud: The hair gel! It�s gone!
Sakura: So?
Kakashi: But where could it have gone?

There is a clunk on the staircase and all three look over to find Pikachu on the staircase with the box of hair gel.

Cloud: Why didn�t I see that before? Get him!

Cloud sets the pizza on the counter. Cloud and Kakashi run for Pikachu, and he escapes down the stairs (tumbles). Cloud and Kakashi run down the stairs after Pikachu.

Sakura: -Brushes bits of paper, tissue, cotton balls, etc. off her shirt as she comes out of the bathroom.- They didn�t wait for me! �Gets angry, then, calms down.- Oh well. Hey look, pizza. �Picks up the piece of pizza Cloud left on the counter and eats it.-

Cloud and Kakashi are standing at the bottom of the staircase looking around.

Kakashi: Where�d he go?

Pikachu peeks around the corner of the second staircase.

Cloud: There he is!

Pikachu tumbles down the second staircase. Cloud and Kakashi run down after him. Cloud picks up his sword off the couch.

Cloud: -Looks around and swings his sword.- Okay, now where did he go?
Pikachu: -Inside the game room.- Pika! Pika!
Cloud: Let me at him!

Both of them run into the game room. Pikachu is on the other side of the room. Cloud starts to charge at Pikachu but Kakashi stops him.

Kakashi: Wait, let me try this.

Kakashi runs at Pikachu using chidori. Pikachu jumps and hits him in the nuts.

Sakura: -Peeks through the door at Kakashi.- What�d I miss?
Cloud: -Stands in shock for a moment watching Kakashi roll around in pain.- That was pathetic� My turn!

Cloud runs at Pikachu like he�s going to stab him but just punts him across the room. Pikachu disappears behind the ping-pong table. Cloud and Sakura go to investigate. They only find the things Pikachu stole.

Sakura: Pikachu is gone.
Cloud: Hair gel! -Hugs the box.-

The three sit down at the table.

Sakura: So whatever did happen to Pikachu?
Kakashi: The world may never know.
Cloud: What�s the moral to this story then?
Kakashi: Don�t do drugs children. Don�t do drugs.

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