“Gotta Go” by Agnostic Front is the soundtrack that supports the sight of a waving Union Jack on the big screen. A mixture of boos and cheers, call out from the crowd. A few UWF marks start to chant “Oi!” along to the song. Rude Girl appears on the ramp… just feet away from Team Abortion.

 

The doc and his midgets back down, heading about halfway down the ramp and abandoning their mic to RG.

 

Anastasia: From Leeds, England. Representing the UWF – Rude Girl!

 

Rude Girl: Oi!!! Belt up, doc! Ya lucky I can’t use this cricket bat ‘ere or I’d hit ya bloody rotten.

 

Icehawg: Wow, and now there is a standoff on the ramp!

 

Burnt: Dr. A is backing down… he’s heading to the ring. He better watch where he is going before Disciple comes out and they have a little run in down there.

 

Rude Girl: If anyone ‘ere is gonna win this match, it’s me. And don’t think I don’t know about those tranks, ya trog!

 

Dr. A: What? Tranks? Was she calling me a transsexual or something?

 

Roe: No. I think she’s talking about the tranquilizer. You know, the one that we’re not hiding to use in the match later.

 

Dr. A: Oh. Okay… how do you know that’s what it means?

 

Roe: I… umm… looked at a British Slang dictionary… after all, that’s where you got everything to write th-

 

Wade quickly puts his hand over Roe’s mouth.

 

Wade: Trainspotting. That’s what he means. We saw it in Trainspotting.

 

Dr. A: Funny, I don’t remember that in the movie.

 

Wade: Umm… maybe it was Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels than. Or Snatch. Who can remember? Hehe.

 

Dr. A: Heh. Snatch. That’s fun to say… attack!

 

With a point of the finger, the midgets charge forward towards the lady, perhaps foolishly.

 

Icehawg: WHOA! And there go Roe and Wade- attacking Rude Girl!

 

Burnt: Yeah, and this attack is allowed because the bell hasn’t rung yet. Once it does the doc better watch out, because there will be disqualifications for screwing with this Barroom Brawl.

 

Icehawg: And the attack by Roe and Wade is unsuccessful! Rude Girl throws them over the sides of the ramp! She heads down as the doc slides into the ring… A kick to Disciple and DefCon is calling for the bell and the official beginning of the final match of the first round of the Barroom Brawl!

 

Burnt: Rude Girl is in hot pursuit though, she’s just made it to the ring herself… now she grabs Dr. Abortion from behind… Oh! Neckbreaker!

 

At the same time, both Icehawg and Burnt realize something – they had both been calling play-by-play. That just makes for a bad TV program [read: WCW]. They try to smoothly play it off by a smooth transition into a color commentator role.

 

Icehawg: Wow, these are quite some competitors here! You never know what's going to happen here in these three way matches. Even the person in last place can steal a win if the other two are only paying attention to each other.

 

Burnt: And what a match… the excitement. These are some devastating moves.

 

Unfortunately, since both realized they were both doing play-by-play at the same time, they both switched to color at the same time – without consulting each other. Again… to play it off they pull the switch…

 

Both at Same Time: Rude Girl with a…

 

Cutting themselves off, they turn to each other frustrated.

 

Icehawg: Hey man! What is your problem? Are you going to do color or are you going to play-by-play?

 

Burnt: I’m obviously going to do what I was doing earlier tonight. Sheesh.

 

Icehawg: Which is…?

 

Burnt: Umm… hm. For some reason I can’t remember. I think maybe we’ve been switching off or something depending on what match it was.

 

Icehawg: Well that’s kind of dumb.

 

Burnt: Hey, we both got the same memo. It said “Icehawg and Burnt are the announcing team, from an EC skybox.” It said nothing about who does which.

 

Icehawg: Well we can’t both do play-by-play. And we can’t both do color. We’re obviously going to have to decide for ourselves.

 

Burnt: And meanwhile we aren’t even calling the match. I mean look!

 

They look at the match. Which is a pretty good and intense one – as you can obviously see all the action watching from your TV set at home.

 

Icehawg: Well, color commentators get to be a bit more heelish, that’s good. But play-by-play usually gets more lines. I can’t decide.

 

Burnt: Lets “Rock/Paper/Scissors” for it. Victor takes Play-by-play. Loser takes color.

 

Icehawg: Okay.

 

Thump. Thump.

 

Burnt: Rock.

 

(simultaneously) Icehawg: Rock.

 

Burnt: Damn. We gotta go again.

 

Thump. Thump.

 

Icehawg: Paper.

 

(simultaneously) Burnt: Scissors! HA! I win.

 

Icehawg: Whatever. Jerk.

 

Burnt: What was that?

 

Icehawg: Nothing.

 

Burnt: Rude girl hooks both of the bad doc’s arms… she swings him around to her back… looks a bit like an impailer but… Oh! I guess we’ll never know as Disciple lands a dropkick to Rude Girl!

 

Icehawg: Now each Wrassler had shown a bit of offense. Will it last or will someone go down soon?

 

Burnt: Irish Whip into the ropes… Rude Girl goes flying. Disciple follows up with a splash! RG goes straight down. Disciple with a quick lateral press… it’s probably too early in the match for that though!

 

As Disciple goes down for DefCon’s count, it immediately ends as Dr. A enters a stomp into the mix.

 

Burnt: Rude Girl hops back up to her feet as the Doc and Disciple lock hands shoulder to shoulder. OH! She pushes their heads into each other!

 

*cartoonish clonk*

 

Icehawg: Yowch. Say, since I’m a color commentator now, does that mean I get to constantly make sexist remarks about how Rude Girl should remove articles of clothing?

 

Burnt: Whatever makes you happy… the two guys are a bit dazed and confused right now. Rude Girl follows up with a Bulldog on the “Physician on a Mission.”

 

Dr. A’s face crashes into the mat with Rude Girl applying a side headlock.

 

Burnt: No time for the cover as the predator becomes the prey, Disciple grabs Rude Girl from behind.

 

Icehawg: With Disciple you mean “pray,” not “prey,” right. Hehe… uh… he…

 

Burnt: *scornful disapproval*

 

Icehawg: … heh… uhh… because he is a… oh, never mind.

 

Burnt: Rude Girl swings around with a little do-si-do. She catches Disciple… lifts him… could be a bodyslam… no! Into the knee for a shoulderbreaker.

 

Icehawg: That’s quite some strength by the British lady there. She lifted a grown man.

Chokehold: I am dead.

Burnt: Indeed. Now Disciple is down on all four, Rude Girl goes down and gets a waist lock… rolls him over… here’s a cradle pin, DefCon with the call -  1… 2…

 

Dr. Abortion comes in right again with a low dropkick that throws Rude Girl off of The Disciple.

 

Burnt: Dr. A with a last moment reaction once again. That’s two near falls and the match has only just begun.

 

Icehawg: If it’s a sign of things to come, then this match could be very short.

 

Burnt: Dr. Abortion picks up Disciple, who still seems to be suffering from the shoulderbreaker… he gets to his backside.

 

Icehawg: Not in a gay way though. Or maybe…

 

Burnt: Full Nelson applied… will the doc make him suffer with the Nelson? Not for long as Rude Girl is back to her feet!

 

The doc does the only thing he can with the limited time… he lifts Disciple up and over, dropping him backwards.

 

Burnt: Full Nelson Dragon Suplex there. Bridge… but it’s broken by Rude Girl. Who grabs the doc by the calf and pulls him back to the center of the ring.

 

Icehawg: I don’t see why two of these people just don’t work together. That way they’ll get the third out of the way and make it a easier battle.

 

Burnt: Rude Girl is putting a leg grapevine on Dr. Abortion. Chances are he won’t submit with how doped up he is.

 

Icehawg: Wrassle[dot]Net does not condone this in any way. Despite what you may hear from the guy who sells you our natural supplements in the Smashcave. But then again, people will pay for anything… or why else would we charge 3,500 to teach people a lateral press?

 

Burnt: Rude Girl releases the hold as the doc clearly isn’t submitting.  She tries a new strategy. She lifts him up. Waistlock… flip over and a knee forward… Shinbreaker. OH! OH! But Disciple clotheslines her from behind!

 

Icehawg: Since when did an attack from behind become pious people do?

 

Burnt: It’s not against the rules.

 

Icehawg: I guess. I’m just playing devil’s advocate, you know. I’ve got this color commentator script in front of me now.

 

Burnt: Disciple hooks both of Rude Girl’s arms now… he leans forward and drops her… backslide. Her shoulders are against the mat… pin, Dr. A is trying to pick himself up and get over… 1… 2… No! She kicks a leg and is able to get that shoulder up.

 

Continued