Burnt: Dr. A locks onto Disciple with a Head Vice. He squeezes it and drops, placing his head under… Jaw breaker.

 

Icehawg: But the doctor doesn’t see Rude Girl from behind!

 

Burnt: You’re right! She comes charging over! She turns for a thump! Dr. A staggers into the ropes… he bounces back. Rude Girl catches him with a headlock!

 

Icehawg: She’s really applying the pressure with those shoulders wrapped around.

 

Burnt: Now Disciple comes over… he jumps and spins… he catches Rude Girl in the head! Back brain kick.

 

Icehawg: But as Rude Girl went down… so did Dr. Abortion.

 

Burnt: RG leaning over… snapmare by the Disciple. So far everything has been in the ring has seemed to be kosher.

 

Icehawg: I think SPX would object to that.

 

Burnt: I mean nothing illegal. As of yet.

 

Icehawg: Disciple should use this precious time he has to his advantage. Both the doc and Rude Girl are out of it.

 

Burnt: Looks like he just may. Disciple is ascending the turnbuckle closest to where Rude Girl lay.

 

Icehawg: I haven’t checked my books, and don’t know if Disciple is a high-risk kind of guy. We’ll see if it pays off.

 

Burnt: He’s gonna go for a frogsplash… he connec- No! Rude Girl got her knees up! Knees to the gut of Disciple!

 

Icehawg: I can see him clenching his belly in pain!

 

Burnt: Rude Girl and Dr. Abortion are slowly picking themselves up. Which one will gain advantage?

 

Icehawg: More to the point – will they try to go after each other, or go for a pin on Disciple?

 

Burnt: They’re headed for each other! They hook up… a battle of strength now. Dr. Abortion’s ‘roided body seems to be pushing Rude Girl though.

 

Rude Girl patiently waits, looking through the corner of her eye. She knows she’s losing ground, but is waiting for the right moment. There it is. DefCon turns for just a second or two to look at Disciple laying there on the ground, aching.

 

*KICK*

 

Dr. A: Iiiieeeeee!

 

Icehawg: Low blow!

 

Burnt: Yep… a low blow to the jewels of the bad doctor. DefCon turns to see him clutching his groin… but there’s nothing he can really do about it if he didn’t see it. I can’t quite tell… but it looks like he may be gesturing at Rude Girl now, admonishing her.

 

Icehawg: Say, speaking of Dr. Abortion’s crotch… which hopefully shall never come up again, have you heard about this so-called “screwdriver incident” people keep talking about? I mean, I can’t tell, but it sounds like he got stabbed with a screwdriver in the-

 

Burnt: Baseball slide roundhouse by Rude Girl. Dr. A is down again. Here’s the pin…

 

The doc gets a shoulder up at two and a half.

 

Icehawg: ONE SECOND AWAY! There, you like that? It was my Paul Heyman.

 

Burnt: Quaint. But now Disciple is up again. Rude Girl has turned her focus onto him. The two are face to face… The Disciple grabs Rude Girl and swings her… looking for a turnbuckle smash. Defcon has to jump out of the way quickly. Rude Girl gets a hand on both ropes… she’s able to keep her face from getting slammed into that turnbuckle.

 

Rude Girl ducks and slips under Disciple, going to his side, slightly behind.

 

Burnt: And Rude Girl has his arm now… she pulls and twists, swinging him around – Irish Whip… Reversal… Disciple sends Rude Girl across the ring… wait – Dr. Abortion catches her with his feet from a low position – drop toehold!

 

Icehawg: I didn’t even see that the doc was back and ready to fight.

 

Burnt: Dr. A goes over to The Disciple now, he grabs his head – oh! Eye rake!

 

Icehawg: He must have realized that Rude Girl was picking herself up in-between himself and the ref. He knew DefCon wouldn’t see it!

 

Burnt: OUCH! What a clothesline there! He sends Disciple over the top rope and to the padded floor below!

 

Icehawg: And remember… no count out, so Disciple can be down there for a long time. If he is, maybe now Dr. Abortion and Rude Girl can turn their attention to each other – one on one.

 

Burnt: The doc charges at the mouthy Brit… he grabs her… she’s trying to power out, but its not going to work. He flips to her backside.

 

Icehawg: He’s trying to cop a feel.

 

Burnt: She gets out with an elbow… it hits Dr. A in the sternum, could have taken his breath away. She bounces off the ropes and heads back with momentum… Oh! Dr. Abortion grabs her and lifts her over his head… he tosses her, falling back! Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex!

 

Right by the ropes, he throttles Rude Girl outside of the ring and to the floor below. She lay outside of the ring on the side directly opposite from where Disciple was thrown out, she’s right next to the Spanish Announcer’s table.

 

Icehawg: Uh-oh… you know what's got to happen next, right?

 

Burnt: Yeah, that’s why I have the table repair crew on autodial.

 

His hand lingers over the phone as Dr. A casually and cockily slides outside of the ring, over to Rude Girl and the table.

 

Icehawg: If only we could hear what those Spanish guys were saying. And if only we understood it.

 

Spanish Announcer: Maria, madre del Dios!!! Por favor no nuestro el announcer table!!!!

 

Other Spanish Announcer: Sí!

 

Burnt: He picks her up… double underhook… he lifts her high… wait! Looks like he’s moving towards the Japanese Announcer’s table… what an uncanny twist of fate – the Spanish Table may be saved! YES! YES! Dr. Abortion powerbombs Rude Girl into the Japanese Announcer’s table!

 

Icehawg: Shark fins, nun chucks and saki go flying everywhere!!! Unbelievable!

 

Burnt: DefCon is not too happy about it… but he’s not going to call a DQ just yet.

 

Icehawg: When was the last time you saw Earl Hebner or anyone call a DQ for something outside of the ring? No one wants a DQ… it’s a lame way to end it unless there is no other option. I think it is generally accepted now by all refs that the announcer’s tables, through some magical force, are part of the ring and are in no way illegal objects. Besides, at least a table gives – unlike the floor. It was probably a less devastating move that if he had done a legal move to her on the floor.

 

Burnt: I guess. Say, Disciple is back up though. He’s circumnavigating the ring and coming over. The doc is prematurely celebrating. Disciple catches him! A mighty chop to the chest sends Dr. Abortion stumbling over to the steel steps!

 

Dr. A falls with his back onto the steps, but instead of bashing him against the steps, or using the nearby turnbuckle to slam the doc’s legs or loins against, Disciple tries to roll the doc back into the ring.

 

Burnt: Looks like Disciple wants the match to continue where he thinks it belongs – in the squared circle.

 

Frozenpig: You gotta wonder if we’ll be seeing any action from Rude Girl soon. How long will she be down and out down there?

 

Burnt: Both men in the ring now. It’s clear to say that Disciple is in a position of control. Ankle lock applied. The doc is gritting his teeth.

 

Icehawg: But if this match is going to be at a low level, the doc may be able to take over with his arsenal of submission moves. I know he has them because I’m looking at this card here that says so.

 

Burnt: Lemme see that.

 

He snatches it.

 

Burnt: Abortion Contortion? Hmm… that’s just a Camel Clutch. Trimester Termination… try Elevated Crab! This guy just takes a bunch of moves and renames them.

 

Icehawg: It says here “Salvation” for Disciple. Its an upside-down, inverted, belly to back bearhug into the turnbuckle? Hahaha… that sounds stupider than a Towering Inferno.

 

Burnt: Hey! Screw you, like your Sub-Zero slam was so good, Mr. Cool!

 

Icehawg: Just what is an inverted reverse flying torture rack anyways?

 

Burnt: Lets get back to the match… Dr. Abortion is using every bit of unnaturally-enhanced muscle in his body. Wait… he rolls him over… he rolls Disciple. Now he’s pulling Disciple’s head back… Camel Clutch!

 

Icehawg: Doesn’t look like Disciple is giving up though.

 

Unwilling to submit to such an ungodly foe, Disciple takes the pain and keeps his hands where they are, refusing to tap.

 

Burnt: The doc is picking up Disciple once again… he catches him across the chest and lifts him up… falling forward… Bossman Slam!

 

Icehawg: But check out the action outside of the ring… looks like Rude Girl is back up.

 

Burnt: The doc grabs a hold of Disciple’s legs… he flips him over… now he’s leaning back. There's his elevated crab finisher. Will Disciple tap? DefCon is observing closely

 

Icehawg: And Rude Girl just got back into the ring!

 

Burnt: She attacks the doc from behind… the submission is broken!

 

Icehawg: She’s going to take out her frustrations for that powerbomb on the man that gave it to her.

 

Burnt: She turns him around… OH! She smacks him right in the face!

 

Icehawg: She probably can’t lift him for a power move… but she’ll find other ways to get back at him.

 

Burnt: The doctor is on his gut, Rude Girl is getting atop… she puts her legs under his arms… she’s sitting down between his legs and pulling back… sitting surfboard.

 

Icehawg: We’ve seen a lot of submissions lately. All the opponents are probably too tired to pull off a big move.

 

Burnt: Rude Girl releases…

 

A bit frustrated, she lets out.

 

Rude Girl: BOLLOKS!!!

 

Burnt: Wait… she’s going back down… scissor to the legs with a crossface… STF.

 

Icehawg: I’m starting to get tired. We should have used the engine to do call this. Really man, we could have tried out a Beta test or somet-

 

Burnt: The pace is picking up as Disciple is back to his feet… he pulls Rude Girl off of the doc. Now those two are going at it. Front Face Lock by Disciple… he lifts Rude Girl up… she’s hanging… Powerslam! Cover… 1… 2…

 

Continued