Roe: Do you think there
are other universes out there?
Wade: Huh?
Roe: You know, like
other realities. Like this one, but different.
Wade: I don’t follow.
Roe: I just mean, well,
here – I’ll give you an example. What if Dr. Abortion wins this match…
Wade: Of course the boss
will.
Roe: Well yeah, lets say
he does. What if there is, like, another reality – another world, alternate to
this one where, say, Rude Girl or Disciple wins the match.
Wade: That’s
preposterous.
And just as they finish there little deep discussion, Dr.
Abortion steps into the room with gym bags over his shoulders.
Dr. A: Ahh… TSOB Arena,
how I know thee so well. What a dump.
“Little discussion,” should be taken literally. Roe and Wade are Dr. Abortion’s two
midget hirelings – paid to do the deeds that no one else would do, help out the
“Doc from DC.”
Dr. A: I can’t believe you
got here before me.
Roe: That’s because we
don’t drive in a cruddy 1989 Ford Taurus Station Wagon.
Dr. A: Well at least I
don’t need to sit on a booster seat like you, midget.
Wade: We’re “small
people.” You know that.
Dr. A: I gnome
that?
Roe: Screw you.
Dr. A sits down on the couch and laughs.
Wade: Anyway, I’m glad
you got here in time. It’s just a short while until your first round match.
Roe: We were afraid you
weren’t going to show.
Dr. A: Is that an unfunny
pun based on the federation I am from?
Roe: Nope.
Dr. A: Good. Say – you
know when the SHOW really sucked? When Spinn-
Wade quickly throws his little hands over Dr. Abortion’s
mouth.
Dr. A: *muffle*
Wade: Hehehe… you don’t
really mean that, do you? I mean. You were just kidding. Right?
Dr. A: *gasp*… get
your little friggin sweaty palms off me, short stuff.
Wade: I was trying to
save you from irreversible damage, boss.
Roe: We’re always trying
to help you out doc. You never show us respect and look out for us. It makes us
angry.
Dr. A’s Head: Hrmm… Barroom
Brawl is always a place for revelations. Man, I hope my own valets don’t swerve
me.
Pregnant pause.
Wade: You’re silent. What
are you thinking about, boss?
Dr. A: Oh. Nothing. Say,
just where is this barroom set up anyway?
Roe: What Barroom?
Dr. A: The one for the
brawl. You know. I figure they’d just build it into one of the luxury boxes or
something.
Wade: There's no bar.
It’s in the ring.
Dr. A: Then why is it called
Barroom Brawl?
Roe & Wade: *shrug shoulders*
Dr. A: So it’s just a
brawl in the ring?
Roe: Actually, it’s not
a brawl at all. Just a standard pinfall match. No Countouts though.
Dr. A: Wow… three rounds
of boring, mundane, standard matches? Why this totally lacks any ingenuity or
creativity all! It is a desperate plea for 1950s-style antlike conformity.
Roe: You’re just jaded
and angry at everything, doc.
Wade: Gosh, I hope it’s
not like the 50s. I don’t want to have to go through all that segregation
stuff.
Dr. A: Midgets never had
their own water fountains.
Roe: So doc, we’ve only
got a little while until the match begins. Are you going to get ready for the
match somehow?
Dr. A: Of course. We’re
going to head over to the gym in a couple of minutes so I can work out. Pump
some Iron. It’s going to be a long night if I’m going all the way to the end -
I need to get ready.
Wade: Really? The gym?
Dr. A: Nooooo! Heh. I was
just ribbing you. You two would fall for anything.
The Doc goes ruffling through his gym bags.
Dr. A: Ah, here we go.
He pulls out a syringe.
Dr. A: Sweet, sweet
Nandrolone Phenpropionate. How you treat me so well.
Roe: You know steroids
are illegal doc, right?
Wade: And harmful. They
can make you loser hair and become impote- uhh… umm…
Dr. A: Come on. COME ON!
Say it, you little wuss.
Wade: Never mind. Sorry
you’re so sensitive about “that” doc. I forgot about the whole “screwdriver”
incident for a minute.
Dr. A: Yes. Good. Everyone
should forget about the screwdriver incident. And nobody should ever talk about
it again. New subject.
Roe: I’ve got one! Doc,
do you ever wonder what your competitors are doing when you’re just sitting in
your room, on the couch, doing nothing?
Dr. A: Doing nothing? I
beg to differ… I am in here training for a difficult battle ahea- Oooo… “Buffy
the Vampire Slayer” is on!!
The doc puts down the TV guide he was eyeing and looks for
a remote.
Wade: That’s not the
point. What he is asking is – don’t you care about what Rude Girl and Disciple
have planned for you?
Dr. A: Nope.
Roe: “Nope?!” You’ve got
to have more of a reaction than that!
Dr. A: Look. I’m fighting
a girl and Brutus Beefcake, how hard can it be?
Wade: Brutus Beefcake?
Dr. A: I’ll explain later.
Look, the point is… no one cares what they are doing right now. Fortunately, I
don’t have to sit through whatever stupid things they may have to say. I hope
everyone else has the same fortune.