Rude Girl stands next to FYI Guy, getting
ready for a backstage interview. She holds a cricket bat over her shoulder,
with a conceited smirk on her face. Oh yeah, she also has an “I Joined the AoD
and all I got was this Stupid Pin” pin on her.
FYI Guy: Hi there
Rude Girl. How do you feel going into this? You’ve got to have some confidence
as you’ve beat out the entire rest of the UWF to get your shot here today.
Rude Girl: Oi, don’t
give me that bollocks, cos I ain’t got the time.
FYI Guy: It was just
a question. Now as for your actions in the UWF… a lot of people are upset with
you since the way you stabbed Martini in the back, do you have any response to
your critics?
Rude Girl: Hmm…
Without responding in words, Rude Girl lifts her right
hand… now follow me… she puts down here thumb, ring and pinky finger but leaves
her index and thumb fingers extended. This she waves in the face of FYI Guy. I
don’t know, it’s like the British version of the middle finger or something.
FYI Guy: Yes,
interesting… I’ve seen this fine gesture on lots of shows they run on PBS.
Rude Girl: Roight, ya
should feel lucky I ain’t spit on ya.
FYI Guy: Wow, you’re
really not a good person to interview, are you?
Rude Girl: Ya ain’t such
a bloody good pooftah to talk to ya’self.
FYI Guy: If we could
get back to the Barroom Brawl, if at all possible; do you have anything to say
about your opponents – how about Dr. Abortion first?
Rude Girl: I ‘ear that
bloke back
scuttles sheep. But I ‘aven’t got no proof.
FYI Guy: Uhh… I see.
Did you know him at all? I hear you had a relationship with Holyevil, a
participant in one of the original Bar Room Brawls. At certain times Dr. A and
Holyevil had worked together.
Rude Girl: My ‘Oly
Evil? I ain’t hear not’ing about this doc from ‘im. Must not mean much. I’m
sure I’ve got ‘im buggered anyway, ‘es all mouth and no trousers.
FYI Guy: Now,
obviously – you’re a bit, well, “rude.”
She taps her foot… her grip on the cricket bat tightens.
FYI Guy: What I’m
trying to say is, do you fit in well with the Army of Darkness? They’re a bunch
of idiots, you know. All of them are goofy and insane stuff happens around
them.
Rude Girl: Just cos I
got some effing
and blinding spunk doesn’t mean I can’t be funny.
FYI Guy: I thought
spunk meant something else over there.
Rude Girl: Blimey
you’re a sod. Anyway, ya never know what will ‘appen cos I’m in the AoD. And
we’re off our face insane. Say, do ya think that “Dr. Abortion” knows “Dr.
Who?”
FYI Guy: Errr… moving
on. Disciple…
Rude Girl: Oi, who
cares about that MIA boy?
FYI Guy: Well, with
his activity in his fed this month, its no wonder he’s “M.I.A.” Heh.
Rude Girl: No one gives
a smeg about that Gregorian chanting flannel anyway.
FYI Guy: So you
aren’t afraid of either opponent you’ve got to face in the first round?
Confident you’ll make it to Round Two?
Rude Girl: Both these
blokes are bog-standard
any’ow. I’m gonna ‘ave ta carry their arses. I’m gonna beat seven shades of
ya-know-what out of ‘em. …Gotta say I was looking for this being in a pub you
know, I was doing to get kaylied until I was totally knackered when this was
over.
FYI Guy: Well, it was…uhh… interesting talking to you. I bet all the fans
back in Leeds have got to be cheering for you.
Rude Girl: Think that up yerself, batty-boy?
FYI Guy: Before we go, can I ask you one last thing?
Rude Girl: Awright, what?
FYI Guy: Could you say “Happy Helen hurried for her hefty hat.”
Rude Girl: ‘Appy ‘Elen- …… OI! Ya git!
FYI Guy: Hehehe… sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Any last words before we
go?
Rude Girl: Yeah, TOSS OFF!
With
that Rude Girl walks away from the interview.