Dateline IRAQ.14.12.2004. (OSI News). The Pentagon has recently been disallowing reservists and regular officers to retire even if they have satisfied their contractual obligations. Extending this policy, the Pentagon has decided to also disallow death as a reason for separation from the armed forces. Dead militarists will now be required to continue reporting for combat duty. However, since they are dead, the Pentagon is no longer obligated to provide them with a paycheck, although family members will continue to receive severance payments or death and disability distributions as determined by the new policy regulalalations. Dead reservists who refuse to follow orders may be placed on KP duty or required to clean steps with their toothbrushes.
Civil libertarians have denounced the new policy. The ACLU announced a new initiative to defend dead soldiers. Harry Kemari, chief lawyer for the DC chapter of the ACLU said, "It is one of our basic civil rights to remain dead once we become dead. It is inherent in the constitution that dead men and women of our country remain dead. We at the ACLU have always insisted that our constitution requires the government to let sleeping dogs lie and to allow those who have ascended to the big sleep in the sky to continue to rest six feet under. In the history of our country, we have never required further service from those who have died in the line of duty. We intend to challenge this policy in the highest courts in the land." White house lawyers insist that the new policy is not torture, but merely an attitude adjustment program long tolerated in the military and approved by Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia as normal even humane business.
Janey Cauldron, wife of deceased lance corporal Brad Cauldron, in between sobs, said, "Its bad enough they allowed some <sob> suicide bomber to get close to my Brad. But now they won't even <sob> let him stay dead?"
"You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time," Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld said. "We went to war with these soldiers on our roster, and, by gum, we're going to continue to go to war with them on our roster. Just because they are dead doesn't mean you take them off the active duty list."
Under pressure, Rumsfeld further stated, "I think it is important that senior leadership meet with the troops, talk to them, ask them questions, listen to what they have to say. Then I go and do what I want." Later, Pentagon spokesman Larry Di Rita clarified that "Secretary Rumsfeld is indebted to the troops and greatly respects and honors their thoughts and feelings, especially the dead ones."
While the President has not yet issued comments on the subject, White House spokesman Scott McClellan uttered the following missive, "The President strongly supports Senator McCain and thanks him for his tireless work in getting Rumsfeld elected to another four years."
It is thought that the conservative right has not yet jelled around a single conclusion on this issue, so the president currently has political cover. Should the right rally around and senior rightists come out either for or against the Pentagon dead plan, the program could become a dead Pentagon in no time.
Senior Correspondent Jonathon Holcolmbe at the White House and Correspondent Douglas Fairbanks IV at the Pentagon contributed to this report. James C. Clerk reports from Iraq where he is embedded in a platoon (or platomb as they are called) of dead reservists.
-- DCJ