The Ogier Darkwood set out from the stedding Madan early one morning, not too early though, as it took a few hours to figure out whether he would have Froot Loops or Lucky Charms for breakfast. Eventually he had just poured both into a bowl and eaten it that way. Hasty perhaps, but damn he was getting hungry.

As he traveled less than merrily down a road which for all that the ogier grumbled still didn't have the yellow bricks the Elders had been meaning to add but hadn't yet gotten around to, Darkwood could still remember his mother's angry face the day before.

You are now about to watch a time warp in progress, what happens in the time warp is real, it's a repeat of what happened yesterday, because frankly yesterday isn't today, and today is where our story begins, the story simply has roots that extend back to yesterday, so we have to take you back, to increase your understanding. Please, do not try time warps at home, Ed from down the block tried it, and look what happened to that poor bastard.

Time is warping now, please do not click a link while time is warping, you will not like the consequences of doing so.

Time has done been warped, you are now viewing something that happened yesterday.

(Setting the scene, there are two Ogier in this picture (a Mother and a Son (the Son being Darkwood(as the mother is of course Darkwood's Mother (Darkwood's father is a shifty fellow, who spends most of his time gambling in taverns (he also likes to unzip his fly in crowded places and scream out HOW'S THIS FOR HASTY!?))))) one kitchen stove, two kitchen mats that say JC Penny on them, three randomly organized stacks of plates, one well placed Pepsi can with the label facing the Camera, a Kenmore dishwasher, three boxes of Hamburger Helper, Britney Spear's newest CD, two cats, a dog, and a 2000 Chevy truck practically obscuring the view of the Ogier.(Gotta show love to the sponsors YO!) yesterday's paper is also strewn about the room (tentatively labeled the kitchen) with the date on each page circled, as if to emphasize, this did indeed happen yesterday.)

Darkwoods Mama: Darkwood, I found these magazines in your room. Care to explain *she brandishes adult Ogier material.*

It is at this point that we realize we have simply gone too far back in time yesterday, apologies, but since this has no point in the upcoming story, and can actually be quite embarrassing to our young Ogier hero, I, whoever I am in relation to this story, will simply distract your attention until the moment has passed and we're on to the important happenings. We could try a mini warp into the future but I heard Andy, the Dominoes delivery guy tried that, and Damn it, You ever seen what happened to that poor bastard? *shudders* anyway it looks like they're almost done, Darkwoods Mamy has set aside the offending magazines and has set into lecturing mode.

(To speed up typing in the conversation writing process Darkwood's mother will from henceforth be known as The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion. And Darkwood will from this point on be referred to as D)

The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion: Darkwood sweetie, look at this, do you see what mommy's got? *she holds up a never before used and brand new looking type hat.*

D:*shifts nervously because he's a profit and he know's what's coming,

either that, or he's read my notes.

The bastard better not have read my notes. Hmmm, is this jelly on page 28? WTF?

Oh, yeah, I was eating that jelly sandwich earlier. Oh and for those of you that have lost the conversation we'll start from the beginning.*

The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion: Darkwood sweetie, look at this, do you see what mommy's got? *she holds up a never before used and brand new looking type hat.*

D: Um, it's a hat?

The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion: That's right, you know what hat this is!? This is my best hat! I've had this hat since before you were born and you know what Darkwood, I've never worn this hat. Do you know why?

D: Because it's probably the most creator forsaken ugly hat I've ever seen in my life?

We're gonna cut from this for a moment, yes that is whapping you here in the background, but we in the Clan or Organization Devoted to the Protection of the Ogier, also known as CODPO, believe that while hearing of or knowing Ogier on Ogier violence is happening is one thing, actually showing it to the weak minded among you who would see this and immediately go out and abuse our Ogier brethren is another. The whapping is finished, Darkwood appears properly cowed, let us return you and hopefully end this because it's simply NOT Funny.

The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion: Darkwood, I have tried to be respectful of your errant ness, but that time has passed. This is my best hat, and I need an occasion to wear it. You will be married immediately, and I will wear this hat at the ceremony. Now I personally have tried to marry you off to many young ogier girls, but your reputation has preceded you it seems, as there is no Ogier family on this side of the world who would have you marry their daughter.

SUNDAY
SUNDAY
SUNDAY

WATCH AS GRAVEDIGGER TAKES ON BIGGGGFOOT IN A BATTLE FOR IT ALL.....

Oops, got a little bored and changed the channel of my mind, sorry bout that, what you just heard is the brain patterns of my weekend gig. Back to the story

D: What do is all this about? Hats? I.....don't....understand.

The woman who spent 89 hours in labor with that very UN hasty Darkwood and still doesn't receive an ounce of respect from the rapscallion: Well firstly son, never try pause acting to increase the drama, William Shatner did, and look what happened to that poor bastard! *darkwood looks to interrupt but Mama Darks cuts him off.*

No, there will be no more debate, You are going to go out in the world tomorrow, and find yourself a bride willing to marry you. I have tried to and failed, now it is upon you. Until you return with a bride to be YOU ARE NOT MY SON!

D: Um, okay, damn, you need to relax mums.

You can't see this, and it really fooking hurts your eyes huh? MWAHAHAHAHAHA, well if you could see this you'd know we were going back in time, or forward in time, um, we're going back to the point in time at which our story began. Sit tight, and don't chew your gum too loud. My Dog scruffy did that during a time warp one time, And look what happened to HIM!!!!!!! *points to a completely normal looking dog.* Okay so you don't see it, but watch this, speak scruffy, speak.

And just what the *&%# would you like me to say you filthy *#&@ *(@)*$? eh? yeah I thought not. *%@^ me!

See, *sniffles* tis a shame

Again, don't even think of following any links during a reverse time warp. Haven't you already learned your lesson?

(screen fades back into normal time, showing a lonely Darkwood set out on foot to travel the world in search of a bride.)

D: *sigh*

Will our young hero find a bride?
Will he stumble upon Gold in them thar hills and never have to work again?
Will he find his way to Shayol Ghul and slay the Dark One in his Ogier teen angst?
And Finally, will the next installment of this be funny? Because this one sure wasn't!

Tune in again next week
Couldn't really tell you what time, perhaps never.
But if it does go down, it'll go down here, somewhere.

Yup

Darkwood,
In search of A Bride,
The Always errant youth.

Part 2