| HANDBELLS IN THE NEWS |
| First handbell crop under development. March 5, 2002 JUPITER, Florida (AP).--Geneticists from the Irreverent Guild of American Handbell Ringers Laboratories (formerly employed by Bell Labs) were swinging bell peppers in a local supermarket produce section on Sunday in preparation for the creation of the first, biogenetically-engineered, edible handbell. "We got some funny looks, but we didn't mind--we're on a mission!" remarked one IGAHR Lab scientist. "Let's face it, he continued, "if you take an ordinary bell pepper and perform a pendulum act martellato smash, you get a small thud and a big mess. It is not very effective. "Now it's common scientific knowledge that spinach produces the iron that turns Popeye's biceps into anvils. We plan to insert a spinach gene into the DNA of a bell pepper. The iron produced theoretically should give the bell pepper a metallic ring. "We'll grow them, size them and ship them in octaves. It will be great! We can feed the hungry and give them cheap instruments at the same time. We're looking forward to our first crop." |
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| Sports stadium bell is removed. February 19, 2004 PHILADELPHIA (AP).--Riggers prepare for the removal of Veterans Stadium's "Liberty Bell" in Philadelphia. A Phillies spokesperson said that the bell will be placed in storage until a decision is made about what to do with it. There are unconfirmed reports that the bell will be sold at a silent auction to benefit underprivileged bell choirs in need of funds for additional octaves. |