| Week 23 This week marks the last week before viability. The point at which this baby could be born into this world and still stand a chance at survival. Not a very good chance I know, but a chance nonetheless. Monday started the week with a doctor appointment. Blood pressure is still good, hanging out right about 110/64 if I remember correctly. Almond's heartbeat was 165bpm although when the doctor turned the doppler towards me, it had gone to 166bpm. I'm still thinking girl. We got our first belly measurement at this appointment and I was measuring at 23cm or 23 weeks. This is actually slightly ahead as I was just over 22 full weeks pregnant when I had the appointment. Things were going nicely and then the doctor threw me a curveball I wasn't quite ready for. I should preface this by saying that I have been reading extensively for the last month about vaginal birth after ceserean or VBAC. Ever since the doctor handed my Sheralyn's card as a doula. I had generated a list at least a page long of questions that I wanted to ask the good doctor. I've really been leaning towards trying to deliver vaginally. Back to the curveball. When I mentioned my questions, he was very willing to take time with me to answer them. Then he said that given my situation, he would recommend a repeat c-section. This from the doctor with the highest VBAC rate in his clinic and maybe in the hospital he delivers at. Well, doesn't that just throw a monkey wrench into my thinking. I could almost see the gears in my head grinding to a halt. He recommended a c-section. The choice is ultimately up to me and he will support whatever I finally decide. By the way, I don't have to decide until around election day. It seems to be that his recommendation is based mainly on the emotional factor. He indicated that there are so many unknowns involved in labor and that with it's unpredictability I might be better scheduling the delivery. Then he gave me the editorial on a report from the New England Journal of Medicine. I had actually alread read this report and the subsequent editorial. In the last few years there has been a resurgance in the belief that it is safer for the baby to be born via a repeat c-section, there are just too many unknowns. When a doctor is asked what is safest for the baby, in general they would respond that a repeat c-section is. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that the repeat c-section is better for the baby. I thus have spent the week debating with myself and others what should be done. We're well over half-way to d-day or delivery day. Assuming we do deliver at 37 weeks, that means there are just 14 short weeks left. That's less than 4 months. Actually, it's closer to three months and the decision has to be made before the day of delivery. Starting to feel just the slightest bit of pressure. It would be nice if the baby would make the decision for me, the problem with that is that as of right now we're not planning on letting baby have enough time to make that decision. I certainly don't want this baby to try to arrive early. By delivering at 37 weeks, we take the option away from baby. Many of the mother's I know, wish they had the option of a c-section. Part of me really wishes I didn't have the option. Isn't that the way with us humans, the grass is always greener. I've started to wonder if I might be able to hold off another week or so and give Almond the chance to try to determine his/her own arrival date. I don't plan on working anymore after November 1st. This would allow me time to plan and just come to terms with the last week or so of this pregnancy. I'm just afraid that once I get to a certain point, that I won't be able to sleep anymore at night. Matthew passed away sometime during the night of the 14th to the 15th and I wonder if I'd been awake, would I have known that something was wrong? This is, of course, one of those unanswerable questions that everone wants to answer for me. There is no way I could have known they'll tell me. How do they know this? The bond between a mother and her baby is unarguably strong. How do they know that there isn't a possibiliity that I could have sensed something? That I wouldn't have felt something, anything that would have told me to get to the hospital now? So, will I sleep during the last few weeks of this pregnancy? I truly don't know, the mind is a powerful machine and I'm afraid it will go on a sleep strike. Then there is the fear that Almond would decide to arrive on the 15th of November. Matthew's birth/death date. How would I deal with that? This thought truly terrifies me. I really feel that each of my children needs their own respective birthday. I worry how Almond would feel knowing that mommy was always just a little sad on his/her birthday. How would any child feel knowing they were born on the anniversary of their siblings death? November 15th could mark the end of my 38th week of pregnancy. I'm losing the distinctive M-shape to my belly. The result of a verticle incision on my skin, the scar has left it's own indentation so that my belly has been rounding out around it only to come to a sort of valley at the scar sight. It's still there a little bit, but it's fading quickly. Until this point, I've actually sort of disliked it's presence. Now that it's leaving, I'm thinking I might miss it. Then again, maybe not. We bought a dresser yesterday. Almond now has at least one piece of furniture that s/he will own until s/he moves out and buys furniture of his/her own. It will match closely the crib and the book shelf that my mom bought. Mom has insisted, since I was pregnant with Matthew, that the baby needs a bookshelf. I'm not entirely sure why this is so important to her, but now we have one. Don't know how we will fit it into the room, but it's here. In fact I'm not sure how we will fit anything into the room. Right now, it's so crowded that walking has been decidedly out of the question. It's more likely climbing over Mt. Babystuff. Once the dresser arrives, I'm planning to start going through all of the stuff and figuring out a place for everything. I'm determined to have a usable nursery for Almond's arrival. |