| Week 22 This was a busy week. Thursday I hosted Jennifer's shower for everyone at work to attend. My week was neatly planned in increments of shower preparations. On Sunday, I picked up the food and last minute items I would need to prepare for the big day. On Monday, I baked the cake. On Tuesday, I shopped for all of her gifts with the money donated by many of the shower attendees. Tuesday evening I wrapped presents. On Wednesday, I decorated the cake and finished wrapping up last minute details. It was a great cake. I had made a little t-shirt cake from a mold and used pyrex bowls to make a belly. Put together they made an adorable little pregnant belly cake. Above the belly I wrote Welcome and on the belly I added Babies! Thursday was the big day and I left work early to prepare for the arrival of all of the guests. The shower was a success. Everybody seemed to enjoy the food and the games and just hanging out together in general. Jennifer got some wonderful gifts and appears to have just about everything needed for the arrival of her boys. Everyone said what a good job I did and how great the party was and especially what a wonderful cake. I couldn't have been more pleased. And then I left. People had been asking how I was doing with the shower. Many of those I know who have lost their own baby's were impressed that I could actually host a shower. I really thought nothing of it. And then I left. It was driving home that it all sort of hit me. I came down off the planning, preparing, hosting, cleaning high I had been on and just sort of crashed. I should have known. The shower itself really did not upset me. I've gotten over being jealous of Jennifer's situation, I think. No, what I realized on the way home is that I have shower pictures that will never see a baby book and I have a baby book that will never see shower pictures. In other words, there were three showers held for Matthew's arrival and now I have no baby book to put them in, because I have no baby to keep a baby book on. Since showers are not generally held for a subsequent baby and in all honesty there really isn't anything we need anyway, this baby's baby book will not have shower pictures in it. Would this bother me if Matthew were here? I'm not sure, but I don't have the luxury of finding out. I'll have to wait for our third baby to know this. Or maybe I'll never know. I've decided to create a scrap book of sorts for Matthew. I need someplace to put the belly pictures, ultrasound photos and shower invites and photos into. There should be a record of his life. It won't be anything fancy, but it will record his important moments. The moments of his life and death. How intricately those are tied. I've started gathering the things I need to create his book, although I expect it will be a few more weeks before I get around to starting it. Actually I plan on it being a few weeks. Just need some time to think. In this week, I definitely look pregnant, whether wearing pregnancy clothes or the last remaining non-pregnancy clothes I can fit into, which isn't much. Strangers can tell that I am pregnant and I'm starting to get those smiles. There are the sypathetic ones that almost say "you poor dear and this is such a warm summer". Then there are the knowing smiles and the just generally warm and fuzzy ones. It's almost like being a member in an exclusive club. Everybody knows you belong and while some would like to belong also, others are happy for you but would prefer that it be you who is in the club. Baby is very active now. We have aspecial morning routine. After the alarm has gone off three times, gotta love the snooze button, I role onto my back and wait. Usually in just a few seconds, Almond starts kicking. This is one of the most wonderful aspects of being pregnant. I love this time during pregnancy and could stay this pregnant forever. This movement is a special mommy and baby event and no one else can truly experience this bond with my child as I can. This little bundle of love tells me every morning and throughout the day, "hi mom, I'm here." Headaches have been my constant companion. Although it would seem that a big part of the reason that they are my companion is that I need to be getting more sleep. Maybe next week. |