After the fight last time Jesus has been pumpin iron and seeing Jimmy , Kev and Josh behind nick's back. Bob isn't home so they sneak into his basement. Jesus measures up his competition. "Maybe you believe in me , maybe you don't. I've lost my faith and found freedom , freedom was losing all hope. I've tasted physical contact and got my relief. We will never be ninjas but beating the shit out of ourselves proves we're tough so lets do it. Rule number one , DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. Rule number 2 DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. Rule 3 , no shirts no shoes no sandals. Rule number 4 if i get a cramp give me a few minutes to recover . . . Rule number 249 If you catch me masterbating than just walk away , its embarassing as hell but i'm not gonna stop once I've started. Rule 250 . . .
Nick is in his room as his father walks by. He laughs at his son. "Your fate is sealed , we'll do the dance of death soon wahahaha!!" He walks away leaving Nick wondering if his father had joined forces with the flannel ninjas. "Father , no one shall interfer with my destiny, no one. I must practice my moves." He sees old people in wheel chairs slowly go by and walks out. "I am a ninja , help me perfect the great art of tungfunbumgoo" "We shall " says the old man. Nick throws the man out of the wheelchair and beats him with it. An old lady with a rocker puts a bandana on and slowly walks over to nick."Heeyaaa!!" She quickly forgets what she was doing and turns back around. Another old man sits in a wheelchair. "Kick his ass , fuckin hoodlum , get that scalliwag. its cold in here. Did you ever know that your my hero , You're everything I wish I could be. I can fly higher than an eagle." Nick cries and sits on his lap. "cuase you are the wind beneath me wings." The old man coughs. "I'm gone , tell my wife I love her." "Ok , sure" Nick winks at the camera , audience laughs. Nick tries to be sympathetic. "Tell her your self , you'll be fine." He holds in a laugh. The other people try not to laugh too. "Am I going to be alright." "Yep" meanwhile everyone bursts into laughter. Nick tries to drink some water but laughs and spits it all out as the man dies. "I love you Martha . . ." Nick laughs so hard tears roll down his cheek. "Oh god , he thought he was gonna live." A stranger walks by "Hahaha I got it on tape!"
Meanwhile Jesus is getting his ass beat by Josh. Suddenly Jesus sees a painting of a cute girl picking flowers. He smashes it and everyone stands there confused. . . . "I felt like destroying something beautiful." Josh knocks Jesus out.
Jason walks with Nick. "Nick , a ninja is nothing without his weapons. I want you to meet someone , a weapons expert who can build anything. His name is Ben." They walk into Ben's house. Ben shows them a red handgun. He laughs. "This was a regular handgun before til i got my hands on them. I fixed this bad boy right up." "What did you do?" "I painted it red." "I see." "You must be the ninja Jason told me about." "Indeed , Nick." "I can make anything." He makes himself a sandwhich. "I'm going to need ninja weapons ." "painted red?" "That would serve no purpose." "Neitherr does armpithair , uh huh , we'll put armpit hair on the sword. Such a great distraction."
Ben sets down a series of weapons in front of them. "This throwing star has a detonator , 1 , 2 , 3, ,4 than it makes a chicken noise and explodes . This sword smells like tuna. These are not ordinary numbchucks , its also a massager , this is a piece of alluminum foil. Watch it in the microwave." They gather around and see the sparks. "YES!!!" They forget about everything and put random metal objects in the microwave. They get popcorn and those big foam "we're number 1" hands and sit amused for hours.
Jason and Nick walk back to Nick's house. Nick says goodbye as Jason leaves. Suddenly Kara jumps down from a tree. "Jason , that poor exscuse for a ninja , wow I hate him , stoopid stoopid man. Anyways I hear you've been getting wessons. Are you any good yet? Fight ninja!! Heeyah!!!!!" She distracts him by throwing a Bop It in the air. "Bop it!" Nick quickly bops it and holds it while he's kicked. "Pull it!" Kara quickly runs over and pulls it. The two are connected by the bop it between punches and kicks. "Twist it!" Kara misses and the buzzer goes off. "NOOOOO!!!" Nick sees his oportunity and kicks her back.
Lynnette comes out of hiding and kicks Nick. "Die ninja!!" Kara quickly steps in. "NO!! He is not stwong enough. He will be , but for now , be warned ninja , we will meet again." The two laugh a hideously evil laugh.
The twin snakes run to the street but look scared and hold each other. They look to Nick. There is an ackward silence.
Nick rolls his eyes and walks over to them. He holds their hands and helps them across the street. They look down in shame. "Umm . . . thank you." They run off.
Nick , Tristan and Bob head over to Bob's house and find everyone in the basement. Jesus points to Nick. "Round 2 bitch!!!" jesus runs over and kicks Nick through the wall and outside the house.
Nick gets up pissed. "Not in the mood." "Duh , noones in the mood to get the living piss beat out of them." Jesus has Nick in a headlock."Goin to church sunday?" Nick gasps for air. "I said you goin to church sunday?" Nick does a backflip and turns the tables on Jesus. He puts him in the headlock. "You listen up bitch , wheres your daddy huh? All I ever wanted was a somewhat masculine voice. Where the hell is it?"
Jesus raises his hand and a lighting bolt almost strikes Nick. Nick is mad as hell. "Oh we usin' magic now? Fine I'll play dirty too" Nick throws a rock at him. Jesus jumps back. "Don't!!" Nick throws one again. "Stop it!! I mean it" Jesus screams like a girl and runs with Nick in pursuit. "DAD!!!" Jesus runs into the forest.
Nick hears a shot go off and just avoids getting shot. He looks over to see the pope pointing a paintball gun at him. Jesus fires too. "Strike one for team God , baby!!" Mr. House begins firing too.
Nick cries out "Team Ninja!!" In an instant Bob and Tristan are by his side also dressed in camoflouge and sporting paintballguns. They search for them through the woods. They hear a shot but don't know where its coming from. Bob looks at his radar. "They're coming." The little blips get closer. "15 meters . . . . 10 meters." "Where I don't see em" "5 meters . . . they're right on top of us , man!!" Jesus jumps from a cloud and lands in front of them , shooting Bob in slow motion.
Tristan screams out. "NOOOOO!!" and opens fire , shooting all three of team God. He keeps shooting Jesus. "Ow , you won , stop it!!"
Tristan picks up Bob and runs for the house.
Inside Bob is surrounded by his friends. "I'm feeling so . . . cold". Tristan raises the thermostat 5 degrees. "No , its not that." He raises it another 5. "There ya go" Josh gets an ice pack but Bob begins coughing. "No . . . Its too late. I'm gonna get a welt."
Nick looks down not knowing what to do. What if Bob doesn't get better? Can he alone defeat the hordes of flannel ninjas.
Fat Jack looks to Kara and Lynnette. "You two are pitiful. I sent you two destroy the ninja yet you let him go again. Why? Because of honor. I care not for honor. Will you continue to wait until he is strong enough to defeat us?" Kara speaks up "While you may hold no values we do. The twin snakes are born of honor and wespect our enemy. He is an honorable man and helped us cwoss the stweet." Fat Jack is pissed and turns away. "The flannel will prevail. Don't let me down again. You are easily replaceable. Don't forget that."
Kara's face is painted with rage. "Don't forget us Jack , the backbone of the flannel ninjas. You are not worthy to lead us. We will restore honor to this clan." Lynnette seconds the notion. "I second the notion." The two get up and leave. They step out side to the street and look at each other horrified. Lynnette trembles. "I'll have mommy pick us up."