EMBARRASSED AMBASSADOR

It was a gloomy fire station,
The news that day was grim,
For we learned that our Dalmatian
Had turned up missing once again.

The phone rang, and Chief Dan got it,
And, oh, you could see it in his eyes.
For Gus had just been spotted ---
Cruising ’cross the British Isles.


We’d sent him out to get fajitas,
From the Taco King at Birmingham and Dallas.
But Gus was not the world’s best reader,
And he wound up at Buckingham … the Palace!

Heaven knows what Chief was thinking,
When he sent Max to bring him back.
Now BOTH our dogs were missing
In the land of Union Jack.


Hickory, dickory, dock,
Max climbed up Big Ben.
As that tower tolled twelve, he sprang straight from his socks,
Then down came that hound in a tumbling descent.

“You can be Holmes, and I can be Watson,”
As that Beagle embarked on another fun thrill,
“On the loose there’s a villainess wicked and rotten,”
Then they searched through the streets for Cruella de Ville.


Max tracked her through the tube,
And on a double-decker bus.
Then on London Bridge she met her doom,
When she was collared there by Gus.

“Take a key and lock her up!”
He hollered to the Palace Guard.
Then that stout and spotted pup
Helped haul her off to Scotland Yard.


Then they joined the RAF,
And took off south out toward the Channel,
And as they cleared those chalky cliffs,
They took a flight through history’s annals.

“Goose it, Gus!”
Exclaimed his wingman Maverick Max.
Then came the pounding, plumes, and puffs,
As they dashed through blasts of flak.


“It’s that bloody Baron von Richthofen!”
As that agile Luftakrobat swooped from the east.
Then they pounded and pummeled and riddled him,
And he spiraled and smoked as he splashed to the sea.

They shot down a V-2 rocket,
And sank a U-boat in the straits,
Then took a hundred henchmen hostage,
And flung the Fuehrer to his fate.


Gus and Max were honored heroes,
For they’d saved Britain from the brink,
And then these funny four-legged fellows
Were summoned forth to meet the King.

And we received a royal invitation
To a reception and a ball.
So we left our downtown station
To take a trip across the pond.


As we came into the castle,
A royal carpet was unrolled.
Then in fireman formal fashion,
We walked up to the throne.

“On behalf of all the Commonwealth,
I express our sincere gratitude,
And bid thee welcome, honoured guests.
You’re the finest of Americans,
We’re pleased to have your presence here,
And by your valour we’re impressed.”


“Gus, that’s an awful funny stanza,”
As that Beagle babbled frankly,
“They don’t talk like that in ’Bama,
You s’pose this boy’s a Yankee?”

“You need to stop and think!”
As that pup Gus tried to squelch.
Then as Max approached the King,
We watched his manners mortally melt.


“Can you show me to the potty?
I need to take a royal flush.”
Why, Max had never been so naughty!
And Gus began to blush.

With jargon most alarming,
That Beagle rambled on,
“And I hope to see Prince Charmin
And Sir Elton in the John!”


“Your Majesty, I’m really very sorry,
I don’t know why my friend must rant.”
Then as he gloated in his glory,
“Is Prince Albert in the can?”

Aghast, Gus gasped,
And gave that goon a covert kick.
Why must that rascal rasp?
I think that Max has lost his wits!


“This weather’s nice and sunny,” . . . . . . . . . . . “And let me tell you what I think,
As Gus began to stammer, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because you really don’t impress me,
“And your castle’s very lovely,” . . . . . . . . . . . . There’s only ever been one king,
Why can’t that Beagle use some manners! . . .And his name was Elvis Presley!”

“I love your British games,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . “And you need to get this straight,
Like polo, rugby, snooker ...”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Those Beatles were a fluke,
The King then offered him Earl Grey,. . . . . . . . .Cricket’s not a game,
And he took it with some sugar.. . . . . . . . . . . . .And John Wayne is still the Duke!”


“Now for you I’ve got some news,”
As he quoted Magna Carta,
“You can take your lump or two,
And dump this tea into the harbor.”

“Have you lost your common sense?”
And as Gus asked him to explain,
Max pulled some pages from his pants,
And to the King read Thomas Paine.


“Now listen up, Chuck, and you shall hear,”
As he cited some speeches from Adams and Henry,
“Around the world, that shot rang out clear,”
Then he read him the poetry penned at McHenry.

A barrage of blasphemy burst through the air,
Offensive and foul was that Beagle’s demeanor.
We watched as the King nearly flew from his chair,
As Gus pinched his paw in the hope he was dreaming.


Max continued with his lip,
And to the King he made this threat,
“And I’ll give you one last tip ---
Upon this snake don’t ever tread!”

Frazier fried a fuse,
And Chief’s temper was ignited.
But then, amazed, we heard the news ---
That Gus and Max had just been Knighted!


When I woke up from my dream,
I was embarrassed by my sin,
A victim of the devil’s schemes,
Surrounded by chagrin.

But I’m strengthened by His power,
For His armor has no chinks,
And I take shelter in the tower
Of my Savior, LORD, and King.


David J Allen
September 2, 2006


<== Parameddogs . . . . . Back to Top . . . . . 343 ==> . . . . . Gus’s Home Page