~*Chapter 2*~

Chapter 2

Taylor awoke the next morning and was startled to find himself lying on the floor. He couldn’t remember what he had been doing on the floor. As he tried to stand up, the memories of the previous night rushed back to him. He could stand now, but his stomach muscles burned. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move. He pulled himself up on to his bed and glanced at the clock. It was near eleven. Taylor wasn’t normally a late sleeper, but he’d really worn himself out the night before. He felt good though. Better then he’d felt in days.

After resting for a moment he walked over to his closet and flung open the door. Inside was a full-length mirror. He stripped of his boxer shorts and studied his body. His legs were long and sinewy and tapered high on his waist. He loved his legs. They were his favorite part of his body. They were the only part that looked exactly as he wanted them to. They were lean, and long, making up the majority of his height. They were perfect. He found it a shame that on top of his legs had to sit the rest of his body. Everything from the legs up was a nightmare. Too fat, untoned, and totally out of proportion. Taylor wondered why everyone else was so blind to this fact. There were dozen’s upon dozen’s of articles that proclaimed Taylor was the “Hanson hottie” and numerous paragraph’s describing his vast beauty. One would think this would be an ego booster, but it was far from it. To Taylor all it was, was more proof that he was devastatingly inadequate, and could never live up to anyone’s standards. His own included.

He pulled his boxer shorts back on and laid down on his bed. He wondered if he should phone Dawn today. It was what any decent person would do. She’d been nothing, but a wonderful friend to him, and she deserved the best. She loved him. And he loved her. More then she knew.

It was probably about a year or so ago when Taylor realized how he felt about her. They spent a lot of time together right before Hanson went to record their new album and while he was away, the pain that surged through him, just from being away from her was unbearable. They talked to each other almost every night on the phone and to hear her voice made his heart soar. He never thought of anyone else after that. He kept everything he felt, bottled up inside and never tried to tell her how he felt because he knew she didn’t feel the same way. And she never would. There was only one night, in their entire lives that he believed otherwise.

It was a serene summer night a before they began their tour when they went to a carnival in town, thrown by one of the Christen churches in town. Taylor had long forgotten which one; they were all the same anyway. They all threw these same carnivals hoping to squeeze more money from the pockets of its practitioners. Taylor and Dawn had gone with some friends, whom they quickly lost in the crowd. So they went off alone into the blue night, playing more rounds of whack-a-mole then one would care to think about. Taylor played at archery both, trying to win Dawn this huge teddy bear. 126 arrows later Dawn got to carry the monstrous mammal around with her. She reached for his hand that night while they walked around the park, fed him cotton candy from the tips of her fingers, and laid her head against his shoulder on the Ferris wheel, and she didn’t move it until they reached her house that night. She pulled him into a huge hug and they held each other for what seemed to be forever, and he never thought he’d have to let her go. Once they parted though, that night faded with the moon at sunrise.

Taylor regretted not telling her how he felt that night. Nothing had felt as good as holding her, and he imagined nothing ever could.

* * * * * * * * *

“Dawn honey, telephone,” Anne whispered, gently shaking her.

“Ugh mom,” she moaned, “You’re waking me up for a telephone call?”

“I think you might want to take this one sweetie.”

Dawn leaned over and grabbed the receiver from her nightstand as her mom left the room. “Hello,” she yawned.

“Hi Dawn.”

“Taylor?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I woke you.”

“No, that’s alright,” she said sitting up, “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, um, better this morning. How about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good,” Taylor said softly, “Are you mad at me?”

“Tay, I told you last night it was okay.”

“I know, I know, but, I feel awful about it.”

“Then, why don’t I let you make it up to me,” she said coyly.

Taylor’s heart began to pound, “Anything you want.”

“I want you,” she said and Taylor dropped down on his bed, “Just you. I haven’t seen you since you got back and I miss you buddy!”

“Alright,” Taylor said regaining his composure, “How about you come over here, and we’ll rent all the movies we missed seeing together over the summer, and we’ll watch them?”

“Sounds like fun. I’ll bring popcorn.”

“NO! Don’t!” Taylor shouted, but quickly remembered himself, “I just mean that, uh, if you are going to eat it, you can bring it, but don’t bring it for me because, I, just in case, I don’t want to mess up my stomach again.”

“Oh, alright, Tay. That’s smart. No use in chancing getting sick again.”

“Yeah…So I’ll see you at one?”

“You bet,” she smiled.

“Alright, buh-bye.”

“Later, Tayter,” she laughed.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Taylor, Dawn! Dinner!” Diana Hanson hollered upstairs.

It had been a lovely afternoon. Taylor and Dawn watched movies and talked and listened to music and it was like old times, but now that his mother called them for dinner, Dawn noticed he looked a little nervous.

“Maybe he’s just worried about family spoiling a good afternoon,” Dawn reasoned to herself, even though she knew Taylor wasn’t one to be turned off by his family.

They slowly made their way down stairs to the dinner table. The family was considerably smaller tonight. Jessica and Avery were at a friend’s ballet recital and Walker and Isaac had taken off for destination unknown. Taylor sat down opposite Zac and took only a spoon and a half full of spinach on his plate.

“That all your eating Popeye?” Zac asked in a draw out teasing tone.

“Yes,” Taylor scowled, “What’s it to you?”

“It’s nothing to me. If you can choke down a serving and a half of that then by all means do.”

Taylor said nothing and slowly began to eat his spinach until his mother placed a piece of chicken on his plate, “No! Mom, I don’t want to eat that.”

“Taylor,” she said has she picked up Mackenzie’s spoon from the floor, “You have to eat something besides spinach.”

“No, really, my stomach is just starting to feel a little better. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Honey, it’s chicken, not nails, it won’t kill you.”

Dawn looked over at Taylor and gave him the “what’s wrong?” look, but he only shrugged and ate his chicken.

“So Dawn how was your summer?” Diana asked.

“Oh it was nice. A tad dull, but nice.”

“Do anything special?”

“We flew out to California for a week in August.”

Suddenly Taylor cut in; “May I be excused please? I’ll be right back.”

“Sure Taylor,” Diana said waving him away.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Taylor dropped the lid over the toilet bowl and laid his head against it. He was in no mood to throw up again today. He had thrown up breakfast and a half a sandwich Dawn forced on him this afternoon, but his mother made him eat the damn chicken at dinner. Maybe if he only had to hold down the spinach he could’ve done it, but not chicken too.

Tears began to form in his eyes. He wished he could just be normal, like everyone else. Taylor hated having to spend his after dinnertime vomiting up his chicken. Being with Dawn made him realize how far off from desirable he was. She could barely hear him talking while they watched Freddie Prinze Jr. in “Boys and Girls”. After awhile, he just stopped talking and she didn’t notice that either.

If only he could stay locked in this bathroom for the rest of his life. It was impossible though because he could hear Dawn calling his name through the door.

“What is it Dawn?”

“Are you alright Tay?”

“Yes I’m fine. Why?”

"Because you’ve been in there a long time.”

Taylor glanced at his wristwatch. He’d come up here at six and it was now almost six-thirty. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and opened the door.

“Sorry,” was all he said.

"That’s all right,” she smiled, “I just was a little worried.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m invincible.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Did you ever feel like you were never going to meet the right person?” Dawn asked softly. She and Taylor were lying on the grass in the Hanson’s backyard, staring up at the sky and having your typical Saturday night philosophical discussion.

“Sometimes.”

“Every night before I go to sleep, I lie there and I wonder if I’m ever going to come across them. Or if I already have, and maybe I let them go.”

“You aren’t thinking about David again are you?” Taylor asked propping himself up on his elbows.

“A little.”

“David is a dirt-bag Dawn. He pressured you for sex, and slept with someone else behind your back when you wouldn’t.”

“I know Taylor,” she sighed “And believe me, I know it was a terrible thing for him to do. I just wonder sometimes if I made the right choice. Only times when it’s too late at night to be thinking, or times when I’m feeling sort of empty, or times when I’m lonelier then you could ever imagine.”

“Nothing is lonelier then I can imagine, Dawn. Nothing.”

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