Lets be honest here....

How many of us haven't always wanted to shut Fugly up? How many don't occasionally get the teeniest bit sick of Lynne martyring herself for the greater good?

Who here hasn't wanted to slap Boyd upside the head for being a pretentious brat at times?

Well, this page is for two things. To punish those being annoying, and to publicise a little known charity, PervAid, which feeds and supports unwanted Dinosaurs.

Few people know that when he's not forced to pretend he isn't 'real', DinoPerv does a lot of covert work for this group, and is also a fully qualified A`La Carte Chef, so we put two and two together, and now he can do a job he enjoys and feed his friends, whilst ridding Erinsborough of such Heathens and Annoyances like the aforementioned Fugly.

The First victim is...Fugly Darcy.

Why do we call him 'Fugly'? Because he is. Very Fugly. And slimy. Have you seen that grin?

Yuk.

Reasons for our choice...This was actually a close run thing with Fugly and 'Eejit' Boyd, but i know Gussy would really love to write Boyd's obituary, and, to be honest, at least Boyd will grow up and have an opportunity to change what he is. Fugly won't.

I fear he'll always be a hypocritical, snivelling, money wasting pervert (and NOT a good, dino-shaped one!) who doesn't understand the meaning of either Dee's "Give me time to think about getting back into a relationship with you" (our advice? Run Dee, RUN!) or debt collectors "I want my money back NOW."
This dramatic misunderstanding of the English language leads me to wonder a) How in hell Darcy got a medical degree, and b) whether his ears are just too clogged up with supplies of emergency slime to hear much.
I could go on, dwelling on the fact that Dee SURELY belongs to Toadie (Oh Toadie!) and Darcy should just Give. Up. Now. Perhaps I could remind you of the fact that he tells so many lies and badly woven stories that the House of Commons want him, their political advisor, back? Or I could mention that when he smiles, children in Holland wake up in their beds screaming from what must be a nightmare. Or is it?

Nightmare/Fugly's smile. Different? Or the *same*???

Were criminals *anything* like they used to be, Fugly, who owes thousands of dollars, would be spread over their crackers right now, or sleeping with some dead, dead fishes, but apparently when they learnt 'threatening' at The Soap School For Evil Masterminds, all pupils were taught to never back up a sordid promise with action, and give stupid doctors unlimited time to pay their racked up debts.

Which is a shame really.

Incompetance is ruining us all kids!

Never fear, we both got an 'A' in Evil Mastermind School, and we're here to show NonThreatening Loan Sharks how it's done.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Recipe...Dino informs us that sleaze is a dish best served luke warm, and suggests plenty of garlic to combat Fugliness.

Beef stew a`la Fug ~ a tasty sort of dish, to be eaten any time, served in a pot with unlimited vegetables and a fresh cream sauce. Good for dinner parties and TV dinners.

Ingredients: 7 cloves of garlic, one Arm of Darcy, 1 beef stock cube, 3 sleazy 'grins', 4 potatoes (roughly chopped), 3 diced carrots, salt and pepper to taste and a handful of dollars for him to stew with. HA! 'Stew'. Geddit?

Ok, ok, tough crowd....

For the sauce: 1 pint single cream, one finely diced onion, essence of our manic laughter, 2 tsp oregano, juice of one sour lemon (or Valda... whichever's easiest to obtain) and 2 tbsp tomato puree.

Instructions: Rub Arm joint with the crushed garlic, and marinade in stock cubes for 30 minutes. Beaming smiles and singing round kitchen optional. Boil potatoes and carrots separately, then add when cooked. Stir in grins.
Pour marinade and Arm into a large pot with the dollars, and coat well, adding appropriate amounts of salt and pepper. Bake for 2 hours, or until lightly crisped.

For the sauce, saute tomato puree with onions in a pan, and slowly add the cream and oregano. Fry in manic laughter and avoid inhaling fumes. Squirt in lemon, being careful not to curdle the cream mixture. Pour over the stewed Arm when cooked, and serve immediately.

! Dino's top tip ! Handle sleazy grins with care, after leaving their owner they attempt to attach themselves to anything within reach, and attachment could lead to lifelong smugness.

Dino says: This is a favourite of mine, because it's simple to make, but doesn't scrimp on the taste. The cream adds a richer taste to the pot, for those who like to enjoy their bitter revenge with style.

Happy cooking!

And remember - when using the oven, always have an adult handy to help you!

Other cook pots:

* Boyd

* Lyn (coming soon)

* Taj (coming soon)

* ??

BOYD!

Yes, *YOU*!

You can run dear boy, but hide you cannot.

We're going to get you, and you're going to be special.

Oh yes....