The second victim is...BOYD!

His mangy hair, his incessant whinging-ness, the fact that he just is...

It's time, Boyd.

It's time.

Reasons for our choice...Well. Quite frankly, Pervyn was utterly sick of Boyd's childish antics. When he was a wee nipper he'd never even dreamt of being so rude and snitty to his father. No. Dino respected his elders. If you didn't? Well. The last thing you'd feel before blissful nothingness would be the painful juices of your father's stomach lining digesting you alive.

And so that's exactly what Dino intended to do with Boyd.

Not...shove him down Max's gullet and watch him disintegrate, of course. No. That would be way too archaic for Dino's new era. No, what Dino wanted to do, was just take that idea, and add his own modern twist. Basically cook Boyd alive and teach the little brat a lesson. Accelerated Learning Program or not, the child has the mentality of a four year old and the personality of a leek. And so that's exactly what he intended to use.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Recipe...

"Leek and Boyd Soup"~ best served piping hot, and in the company of anyone who has ever been ignored, sniped at, whined at, whinged at, had their romantic wine tasting aka: SexInTheMotel night out dampened by the teenager's moods, and/or generally REACHED THE END OF THEIR BLOODY TETHER at the infantile antics of the Blonde One.

Ingredients: 1 x Head of Boyd, 1 x Leg of Boyd, 1 welsh leek, 1 stock cube (pref. Beef), 1 onion, 1 peeled plum tomato. Water and seasonings.

! IMPORTANT ! The hair is NOT part of the dish. It is a GARNISH. Many an innocent housewife, distracted by the thought of having to sort through the tangles and shrubbery that grows over the top of the head, has choked her entire family by being unable to face it and presuming that adding the unruly and tangled knots to the meal would easily go unnoticed. For all those affected by this traumatising situation, Dino has set up a free help line on: 0800 "PERVYN" (737 896).

Instructions:
1) Prepare the head of Boyd by first shaving the head completely of the hair. When complete, place in a side dish ready to either sprinkle on top, or add as a plate decoration, or in any other way you wish. Then, remove the flesh of the leg and chop into small pieces.

2) Finely dice the onion and chop the leek and the tomato into small pieces, and melt the stock cube in hot water.

3) Put the meat and vegetables into a pan, with the stock cube and seasonings, and add just enough hot water to cover the mixture. Stir thoroughly, and then turn the heat up full. Regularly stirring, let the contents break down, and begin to meld together into the delicious soup Dino prides himself on.
(Valda liked it so much she decided to serve it at Lou's Place. The restaurant received record numbers of visitors and broke all previous intake accounts. Boyd of course, insisted on a cut, and due to Valda secretly being his mother, she couldn't refuse him and now the smug git is living it up in style with all his Bling-Bling, and generally driving EVERYONE on the street UTTERLY batty.)

4) After leaving to stew for a bit, turn the heat off and add some more seasonings. Pour into a large dish and bring to the centre of the table, where your guests will eagerly await their chance to get one up on the shaggy haired Sk8er Boyd who made their lives so unbearable.

Dino says: The most useful thing Boyd's ever done for humanity.
Remember - electric shavers can trap and cut off fingers! Always have Dad on hand to show you how to use them when shaving Boyd.

Other cook pots:

* Fugly Darcy

* Lyn

* Taj

*

LYN SCULLY.

Yes, you may be mother of Steph. Yes, we like Steph.

You? Not so much. Your day is coming, and one day your children and grandchildrren will bustle about the kitchen putting their noses in other peoples business whilst cooking you.

Think happy thoughts until then, wontcha?