Part 19
Avoidance was the easiest way to deal with what happened the night before, Alex realized as she peered around the lobby wall. She knew the likeliness of seeing any of the guys at seven in the morning was small but she checked just in case.
The lobby was all clear so she crossed it and walked into the hotel restaurant. As she was seated at a nearby table, memories of the night before flooded into her brain. She couldn’t stop thinking about JC and the kiss.
Alex frowned. She went twenty years without being kissed and one night changed all that. Kissed by two people, almost three. She shook her head. She definitely had some stories to tell Becca when she got settled in with Kat.
Settled. It felt weird thinking about going back to real life after being with the guys and living their lives. Nevertheless, in a little over a month that’s exactly what she’d be doing. She shook the thought of her head and reached in her pocket for Becca’s cell phone. She hadn’t spoken to her in weeks and she suddenly felt the need to hear her best friend’s voice. She was dialling the number when the waiter came over.
“Just coffee for now, please. Thanks,” she said before turning back to finish dialling the number.
Alex hadn’t meant to say anything about JC to Becca but as soon as she heard her friend's soft voice, the words spilled out of her mouth.
“He kissed me.”
“Hello? Alex? Do you realize what time it is, woman?” Becca sounded disconcerted. “Did you get my message last night? I couldn’t get a hold of you to wish you happy Birthday so I left a message.”
“No I didn’t check. I’ll listen to it later.” Alex waited for Becca to absorb what she had said to her. She didn’t have to wait long.
“Wait—Who kissed you? What?”
“JC,” she whispered and looked around to make sure no one was listening to her.
“JC? As in JC Chasez!!?” Becca shrieked.
Alex giggled. She hadn’t given herself the luxury of being giddy over the fact that she’d been kissed by her crush but now that she could be open with someone, the emotions came out. “Yeah. That one.”
“Chica, you have done what very few fans have had the pleasure of doing. You have kissed an *NSYNC member. A very hot *NSYNC member. Where do I sign up?” Becca laughed.
Alex couldn’t stop smiling. She paused in her conversation to give her order to the waiter and turned back to the conversation. Becca had grown quiet on the other end.
“Hey, sorry had to give the waiter my order. I’m back,” Alex said.
“Alex…?” There was a question in Becca’s voice. “Now that I’m starting to get over the shock. I’m confused. Aren’t you pretending to be a dude still?”
Alex sighed. “Yeah…”
“Then why is it that JC kissed you?”
“See, that’s where I’m coming up with a blank. I’m a little confused about those particular details. The way he was acting last night made me think that maybe he’s never done the whole kissing another guy thing before. And from what I know of him – and from what I’ve seen he’s into girls.” Alex fiddled with her fork and looked out the window. “Which makes me wonder why he kissed me.”
“Maybe he’s bi or something.”
“Maybe. God, I wish I knew why it happened last night. But the thought of even breaching the topic with him makes me want to pee my pants.”
Becca laughed at the comment. “Well don’t stress right now. Just enjoy the fact that your first kiss was with JC Chasez.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Alex said as she shut the image of Leo leaning in to kiss her out of her head.
”So details. Details. Was there tongue?”
Alex blushed at the question but said quietly, “There was tongue.”
Becca shrieked. “I so need to come down there or something. I’ve been sadly lacking in the guy department for quite some time now.”
Alex laughed. “Yeah you should. I’ve really missed you.”
”So, have I. I miss seeing you. We’re going to spend the whole summer apart
which sucks.”
Alex took a sip of her coffee as an idea formed in her mind. “Well then you
should.”
“Should what?”
“Come see me.” Alex’s voice rose in excitement over the idea. “Seriously, it would be fun. You don’t have school and you can take time off of work.”
“That would be cool, Al but where do you think I’m going to find the money to fly to whatever venue you guys are going to be at? Besides, aren’t you guys never in the same place for more than like, a day? I can’t afford to take a bus to every destination you guys go to.”
“When did you become such a party pooper? I’ll pay for you to come down of course. And if you come next week, you’ll be able to hang with me for three whole days. We’re going to be in Vegas for a concert and this big charity thing called Challenge for the Children that the guys do every year. They play a basketball game with a bunch of celebs and raise money for kids.”
“It sounds fun but I don’t want you to pay for me.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m making quite a bit with this gig. Call it a thank you present for how you’ve helped me -- In fact I would be insulted if you rejected my gift.” Alex paused. “And – well the 29th is a really important day for me… “
“Oh my God. I forgot, Al. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok. It would just be nice to have you here so we can light a candle like we always do for my mom.”
“Of course, I’ll come,” Becca finally said. “If for nothing else but to help you remember your mom. I’ll come.”
Alex smiled. “Good, I don’t think I could do it without someone there. Besides that, you’re going to have so much fun. I promise.”
“We’re going to have so much fun,” Becca corrected.
“Ok, so I’ll set everything up and let you know what’s going on. All right?”
“Sounds good. Call me soon, ok?”
“I will.” Alex hung up with a smile.
She thought about her mom and for the first time in years, she didn’t feel a suffocating sense of pain. She felt good about life. Even with all the confusion, she was finally enjoying herself. Finally living life and she knew her mom would be proud of her. When the waiter came to her table, she smiled at him and dug into the food he put down.
…
Alex had a couple of hours to kill before she had to pack her stuff in the tour bus, so she strolled into the hotel’s gift shop and browsed at the little odds and ends they had. Her eyes drew to a counter that held a small array of perfumes and colognes. She brightened. She hadn’t had perfume in her house since her mom had died. The only time she wore the stuff was when she was at Becca’s place.
She walked over to the counter and picked up a glass bottle filled with a golden liquid. She lifted the stopper and the heavy, rich scent of the perfume assaulted her nose. It wasn’t her thing so she put it back down and lifted a clear blue bottle. She spritzed a little on her wrist and sniffed. It was light, airy and she liked it a lot. She was in the process of spraying some on her other wrist when Justin and Chris walked into the store.
“Got a thing for perfume, Alex?” Justin asked a smirk on his face. Justin took a sniff. “Dude, you smell like a chick.”
Alex put the bottle down and took a casual step away from the counter. “Nah, I was just … I was looking for a gift for my friend who is coming down next week.” Alex grinned at them. The lies were practically falling off her tongue these days.
“Your friend?” Justin lifted a brow.
“Yeah, my friend.” Alex picked the bottle back up and walked towards the register. Chris had just purchased a couple magazines and when he saw the bottle in her hand his mouth quirked up in a grin. Alex ignored the grin and bought the perfume.
He brushed past her and spoke softly enough that only Alex could hear. “Quick
thinking,” he said before turning back to Justin. “We’re going to have
breakfast before we leave. Do you want to come?” he asked in a clear voice.
Alex blinked at him before shaking her head. “I’ve already eaten and I better finish packing.”
“See ya later then.” She watched them both walk out of the room.
Quick thinking. Those two words bounced around in her head. He knew.
Chris knew.
So, what was he going to do about it?
…
Alex found herself rushing through corridors with her head down and cautiously peering around corners so she wouldn’t run into Chris or JC. She realized all her surreptitious actions were for nothing when she walked into the elevator to head down to the bus and faced a solitary Chris.
“Hey…” she said as she stepped into the elevator.
“Hey,” he greeted, giving her a sidelong look.
She was tired of wondering if he knew and wanted very much to confront him but she was scared as well. Maybe he didn’t know for sure. Would opening her mouth now be a horrible mistake?
They were gliding closer to the ground floor when she finally turned to him. Not knowing would kill her more than the fear. Besides, Chris was fair. He’d hear her out…she hoped.
“What do you know, Chris?” she asked, directing the question to his shoes rather than his face.
Chris gave her a quick glance before the elevator stopped on the main level. “Let’s go,” he said as he walked out of the elevator. She wasn’t sure she wanted to follow him but she did anyway.
He walked and turned into the washrooms. She followed cautiously, hoping that there wasn’t anyone else inside.
Chris walked down the length of the room, opening each stall to see if it was empty before he turned back to her. “What do I know? I think the question should be -- is there something you want to tell me, Al?
She frowned. “Cut the act Chris, please.”
Chris shrugged. “Fine. When were you going to tell everyone that you’re a girl?”
Alex let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. She had expected this but the words still shocked her. Now she knew for sure that he knew. And she couldn’t lie her way out of it.
“I guess, pretending that I don’t know what you’re talking about would be pointless, huh?” she asked quietly.
“Yep. Look Alex, I’ve been around women more than I've been around men for most of my life. My mom was both my parents. My sisters were my friends. I know what to look for.”
Alex sighed. “So, when did you figure it out?”
“I didn’t figure it out until last night actually, but I started having suspicions that night in New York City and the feeling’s been growing ever since. Last night, I said that thing about the drinks to see how you would react and you reacted the way I thought you would. Your eyes gave you away.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?” she asked, dread clear in her voice.
Chris rubbed his chin casually and looked at her seriously. “Nothing…for now. But you better start talking, kid.”
Alex sighed again. “Ok, but can we have this conversation somewhere else?” She looked pointedly at the urinals.
Chris nodded and opened the door for her to go out in front of him. She raised her brows at the mannerly move and Chris smiled. “Ladies first, dude. Ladies first.”
Alex blushed but smiled back. Maybe this would turn out ok after all.
…
Alex walked to the back of the bus a little while later. After her long talk with Chris and dodging JC all day, she was physically and emotionally exhausted.
Leo was dozing on one of the seats and she quickly passed him to get to her
bunk. Talking to Chris had made her feel better. As traumatized as she was at
first about him knowing she was a girl, she now felt relieved that she had
someone she could talk to about it.
She drew back the drapes of her bunk and fell back on the covers. Chris had promised her that he would keep her secret between the two of them and she believed him. She shuddered at the idea of JC finding out. He’d be angry with her for deceiving him. He wouldn’t be laid back about it as Chris had been, she knew this instinctively.
She knew she’d probably have to tell him one day but right now, she just wasn’t ready for it. She kicked off her shoes and rolled over to make herself more comfortable. She suddenly felt something poking her back. Perplexed, she threw back the covers and saw that a small box was resting on her bed.
What is this? Had she missed a present last night? The guys and crew had gotten her an assortment of things. CDs, DVDs, a few gift certificates, cologne and a wallet. More than she’d ever gotten on a birthday before and much more than she had expected.
She opened the envelope attached to the box and opened it.
Let’s forget last night and stop avoiding each other.
You’re a good friend and I don’t want to lose you because of some drunken,
meaningless kiss.
With all the stuff that happened last night, I never
got a chance to give you this. I hope you like it. Happy Birthday Alex!
-JC
She put the card down and took the lid off the box with surprisingly unsteady hands. Nestled in tissue was a watch. She laughed. It was almost the exact replica of his favourite watch, except it was blue. She’d admired it weeks ago and she was surprised that he’d remembered. She buckled it unto her wrist and drew herself back down on the mattress.
She thought about the card and what it had said. Forget last night? How was she going to forget that kiss? It might have been meaningless to him but it was more than that to her. And how was she going to pretend as if everything was the same? She couldn’t, she realized. It was too late. She had already falling for him.