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I changed my guest book. I didn't like the geocities one. I added all your guest book entries, so none where lost. If you haven't signed it yet... What are you waiting for?

Weight loss is going so-so. I have my up and down moments, which I'm sure everyone does. I bought a few new books about stopping the diet/binge cycle. I will let you know what I think once I find the time to actually sit down and read them. From what I've read so far, they seem pretty good. It talks about how always dieting leaves you obsessed with food. Which I for one can vouch for. If there is a better way to do this, I'm all for it. One is called "Overcoming Overeating" and the other is called, "Intuitive Eating". I really have no idea what weigh-in day will bring. I haven't been on the scale at all. I've been kind of trying to avoid it. I am not even going to make a prediction, cause last time I was dead wrong. A very sweet reader sent me a weight watchers starter kit! Thank you so much Christina! Now I have no excuses. I have thought and thought about it. I am going to get at this again, full time. I've had so many emails over the last 2 days telling me what a inspiration I am to them and actually asking for my advice. Deep down I feel like I am letting them down. I am letting myself down too. I am going to start with a new fresh mind. I mean really start over. Forget about all the weight I've lost so far and start at this like I am just starting for the first time. I don't know why, but that seems to make me want to do it even harder. This time, I will be exercising. Seriously folks, no more excuses. From now on, you will be seeing a changed person. I have been doing nothing but disappointing myself. It's time to do this for real. I have goals to make dammit! Okay, I better get to bed. You all take care.

Hi everyone. Things are looking better for me and I'm feeling much better. I just wish I wasn't so damn busy all the time. I never have time for anything anymore. When I do have some free time to just lounge around the house, the kids are bugging me to go do something. I'm going to take them to the humane society in just a little bit. I sure hope they take kids. Ok, I'm just kidding, kind of. We are going, but I doubt they will take my kids. We are not going to be getting anything either, just looking.

I have finals all next week for the first half of my class. I really have to study hard, cause they are going to be some hard questions. My husband is also off all next week, so I doubt I will have time to update much. I will try though.

I am so hoping to lose at least a pound by next weigh in day. I think I can do it. I mean, surely I can. I've been trying to drink more water too. But, I got TOM this morning so, I'm not sure how that will affect my weigh-in day. Well, I guess we had better go check out the pets before the day passes us by. I'll be back soon! Take care.

Well, I got a very upsetting surprise today. I guess I was fooling myself about my dieting lately. I did have a gain. Looks like I'm going to be stuck in the 230's forever. I think I need a little something, but what, I don't know. I was thinking about looking into joining TOPS. Anyone know anything about it? Or has anyone had good luck with it? Please email me and let me know. I'm getting desperate! I need a kick in the ass.

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. Seems like time just passes me by. I must admit, it's getting harder to keep up with everything that has been going on in my life. The kids being home from school, means less time to myself. Not to mention, my going to school. 4 days a week isn't bad, but our teacher expects us to take a test daily, which I have to study for. Trying to keep the house clean and all those domestic duties, seems like I haven't time for anything. Weight loss seems to have taken a back burner, which is exactly what I was afraid would happen. I mean, I'm not just totally blowing it off or anything, it's just not as carefully planned as before. I haven't been logging my food, which really seemed to help me. I haven't done shit for exercise, none. Water has been lacking too. But, on top of all of that, I don't expect a gain tomorrow. I doubt I will see a loss though either. Kind of in maintain mode I guess, until I can get back at this full force. Only about 5 weeks of school left. I am not going to wait that long to get my shit together though. I'm working on it. So, that is what has been going on with me lately. I will try to update more often, but I can't promise it. I will however, update in the morning, after I weigh-in. Wish me luck. I want to get out of the 230's so bad! Oh and, I hope you all had a great fathers day! Take care.

Hi everyone. I'm feeling much better now, but I've been busy on the home front. School, kids and husband. A person could go crazy. I think what was wrong with me was food poisoning. I had the runs for an entire week. I was so dehydrated, my legs were all bony and stuff. During the time I was sick, I didn't pay much attention to dieting. I'm trying to get back on track now. I haven't gained any weight, if anything, I've lost weight since my last weigh-in. I haven't had much appetite, but believe me, it's coming back full force. I've gotten to where I have only been eating twice a day, usually breakfast and supper. I might eat a little snack somewhere along the day, but not much. We went to Applebee's the other night and I was full after eating only a handful of onion peels. That has never happened to me before. I wish I could be like that all the time, but I'm sure it was just one of those things.

Needless to say, I haven't been doing any exercising. I need to get back on track there too.

School is going good. It's a little bit harder than I thought it would be, but I'm doing pretty good I think. The hardest part to me is remembering all the acronym's that are associated with computers. Just takes time I guess.

Well, I know I've been gone for a long time and I owe you guys a big long update, but I can't do it tonight. I have to get the kids in the tub and ready for bed. I'll update again tomorrow. Take care.

Just wanted to let you all know, I haven't forgot about you, I've been sick. Running a fever, stomach cramping and severe diarrhea. I am so dehydrated right now, I can actually feel my shinbone and usually, my legs are to swollen. I hopped on the scale today and I'm down 2 pounds. I'm sure I'll gain it back once I'm better. I am hoping I will be better soon, I can't stand this much longer. Why do men act like such babies when they are sick, but if you're sick, then they expect you to act normal? Oh well, I'm going to lay down. I'll update again when I feel better.

Hi everyone. School is going good. He had us take apart and put back together a computer on our second day! Talk about some hands on training. It was pretty easy though. Everyone in the class has a lot of computer background though, so I feel a little out of it. But, I think I have surprised the teacher with what I do know. Only thing else I can tell you... I will post the message that I typed in my message board this morning. It's to long to type out again.

**Warning: This is long** Morning everyone. Things have been very difficult lately. This is kind of embarrassing, but... Monday night I had a big scare. Let me go back a second. I don't know if you know or not, but my husband works nights, so I am home alone at night with the kids. Well, Monday night I was sitting here on the computer, the kids were at grandma's for the night, so I was all alone. It was about 11:00 pm. I am always hearing strange noises in this house, but I just try and blame it on the house being old, or the wind, stuff like that. So I'm sitting here and behind me, I have the baby gate propped up against the wall, and for no apparent reason, it just falls. My heart just like freezes. I try and be rational and blame it on the fact that maybe it wasn't setting up against the wall very good. So, I'm very shaken but I get up and pick the gate up and prop it back up against the wall, making sure it is secure, so it won't fall again. About 10 minutes later, the gate scoots and kind of slides down the wall again, but doesn't fall all the way down. By this time, I am shaking. I was so scared I couldn't even move. I was chatting online on mIRC, so I mention to a good friend of mine what has happened. She's like, "Call Michael at work." I told her I wanted to, but I was almost paralyzed with fear and couldn't even move. I was to damn scared to stand up and walk over and get the phone. I finally make myself go get it and call Michael and the phone is busy. I keep trying and trying and finally get through. Of course, I was hoping he would be able to get off early and come home, but he couldn't. So I beg Jami, my friend from mIRC, to please come over and sit with me for a little while. She doesn't really want to because it's so late and all, but does anyway. She gets over here about 2 am. She's a night owl anyway, so this is like no big deal for her. We're sitting here talking and, she starts hearing noises as well! Upstairs, it sounds like someone is walking around, or something. I've told her before, that I hear strange noises upstairs a lot. Then she says to me, "I thought you must have gotten a cat or something." I said, "Why?" She said, "Because I seen something moving over by the stairway." So, I'm thinking, ok, you're making me feel worse! We go outside and sit on the porch for awhile and we hear someone screaming and then we hear two windows break. It was the neighbors about 3 houses away. It was just a perfect way to top off the night. So, I call the police, because it sounded like someone was being killed or something. I don't live in a bad neighborhood either, so having this going on is kind of rare. The police go over there and before they even get on the porch to knock, someone comes running out of the house to talk to the police, which kind of leads me to believe that maybe they called the police too. The cops are there for about an hour and then an ambulance pulls up, no sirens or anything, so I'm thinking, that is weird. Some 13 or so year old boy comes walking out with the EMT's and they put him in the ambulance. He didn't look hurt or anything, so I'm not sure why. They drive off and the cops just keep sitting there talking to who ever. They stay for another 30 minutes or so and then they leave, not arresting anyone. All I can think is, maybe the 13 year old boy was the one breaking the windows. Well, anyway, my friend ends up sitting here with me until like 5:30 am. I'm feeling a little better by then. The minute she leaves, I kind of start getting a little scared again. About 6:00 am though, the sky is turning blue, so I feel better. I open all the mini blinds to let the light come in and finally fall asleep on the couch at about 6:30 am. My mom shows up with the kids at about 10:00 am, so I have to get right back up. I somehow make it through the day, even going to school later that night, which was Tuesday, yesterday. My husband is off work until Friday night, so I am able to sleep much better. I finally fall asleep last night at about 11:30 pm and slept until 10:00 am this morning. So, before last nights sleep, I had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep out of 39 hours. I was so tired that I was wired. I feel much better today. I've only ate one bad thing in that whole time too, so I feel glad that I didn't feel like I had to turn to food even when I was stressing very badly. So, that is how my life has been going lately. What about you guys?

Hello, this is going to be a quick update. I have so much to do before I start school today. I lost another 1.5 lbs this week! I don't know how I did it. I guess I was picking on myself for no reason. When I look back over my food journal, I really didn't do that bad. I am hopeful to be at the 50 pounds gone mark next week. Today is free day, but I'm not going to go overboard. I really need to get my shower and go pick up my pass to get on the air force base, for school. I might be back later to let you know how school was. Take care and wish me luck. I'm so nervous! LOL bye!