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Hello. Sorry to leave such a depressing entry yesterday. That's just how I felt then. This is what I meant by emotional stuff. More like an emotional roller coaster. I will be fine one day, and the next day, I feel doomed. Maybe it's depression. Tired of fighting with myself every single day. I was feeling better today until I started writing this. See what I mean? I'm very moody. I do have some wellbutrin that I can take for depression, if I'd just remember to take it! I'm so bad about taking pills, I can barely finish a bottle of antibiotics... most of the time, I don't. I know the scale will be up on Monday. I'm half tempted not to even weigh-in. I think I will though. I need to see it. I need all of you to see it, so that I can accept it, get over it and move on. This isn't the end of the world, I know that. So why am I acting like it is? It's not like I gained 20 pounds or something. Maybe 5 at most. I can get that right back off, with a little hard work. Hell maybe a lot of hard work, whatever it takes. I am going to take a mile walk tonight if it kills me. I really kind of miss it. It's been to long. You all should come over to my message board and sign up. Please. I need people! Do it! Plus, I got a lot of good tips and recipes over there. That's all for today. Take care! :)

***********************UPDATE***********************

Earlier on Mandy's message board, someone posted a link to a book. You can read 35 pages of this book online. The book is called "Overcoming overeating". I'm so going to get this book. As a matter of fact, I added it to my wish list (my birthday is coming up in July *hint hint*). I'm just kidding. I'll probably buy it before then anyway. Anyway, there is a story there, if you're interested, that describes me perfectly. It's Sarah's story. You can read it here. Just click to the next page to finish it. I mean, man that is the story of my life. I'd say this book is worth checking out.

This is what is going on in my life right now. I posted this earlier on my message board. I thought it was worth sharing here for those of you that don't go to the message board, which is probably most of you. :P

I've been going through a lot of emotional stuff lately. I have been beating myself up pretty bad lately. I can't manage to stay on points, no matter how hard I try. I've been getting very irrational and desperate thoughts. I'm truly scared of being the way I used to be. Some of my random thoughts have been, fasting, pills, gastric banding, wishing I could puke after eating and just simply, live with being fat. I hate every single one of those things. I don't know why it is getting harder when you'd think it would be easier since I've been doing it long enough. I think part of the problem is, we've been really broke lately, which hasn't helped at all. I can't buy the food I'm used to buying and worrying about money has really stressed me out, and stress makes me eat. Plus, I am getting nervous about school. I guess it's just everything at once, it's all getting to be to much. Our financial problems will work out, they always do, but I still worry about it. In about 2 weeks, we will be getting a large check in the mail. I have 2 weeks to find and plan some menu's, recipes and what not. When we get the check, I am going to go grocery shopping, and be able to buy everything that I haven't been able to buy lately. I am going to try and buy everything I need for a weeks worth of meals. I'm not giving up, I'm just facing some difficult challenges. Maybe I do need to get rid of free day. I thought I had it under control to where I can go back to eating healthy the next day, now I'm not so sure. I've been doing some reading today. I found some interesting articles, which I will post in the tips section. You should really check them out. I went swimming today for about an hour. It was very relaxing. I sat out in the sun for a while afterwards. I love sunbathing. I am laying there. I can see the sun behind my eyelids and just think. It's almost like being in a trance. I felt so much stronger about everything. I know I will get where I want to be someday. Well, thanks for listening.

Hope everyone is doing well. Have any big plans for Memorial day tomorrow? We don't. I doubt we will do much of anything. Was thinking about grilling out, but that's about it. Thank god tomorrow is free day! I'm curious about what weigh-in day will show tomorrow. I did pretty good about 5 out of the 7 days, with my eating. I haven't exercised at all I don't think, and I've barely drank any water. I'm thinking it was more of a maintain week for me. If I see a loss, I will be very surprised. I can hope though. It's weird because, yes, I love to see the scale go down, but I'm finding that it's more important to me to just make it through the day rather then what the numbers on the scale are. I figure, the longer I can stay with this, the better I will be in the long run. That I've been sticking with this for over 7 months now, just amazes me. It also reconfirms to me, that this is it. This time I will stay with this, forever if it takes that long. I have never stuck with it for this long, so this is something I'm very proud of. I just try to get through one day at a time. I try not to think about what tomorrow will be like, I can't. I am a little worried about the fact that I will be starting school in just over a week. This weight loss has consumed me. Now I will have to concentrate on school work too. I just pray that I can handle both. I don't want to get so wrapped up in school that I forget about how important losing weight is. Then again, I don't want my weigh loss to make me study less then I should be. Oh well, like I said, one day at a time. That is the only way to do it. I'll post again tomorrow, after I weigh in. See ya!

Time just seems to slip by. Sorry about not updating sooner. I put up some new progress pictures, so check them out. I had two days of oinking. I am back on track again today. I don't know, I guess some days, the stress of every day life just gets the best of me. I need to get back at drinking my water though, not doing so well in that department. My legs are showing it too. I found this recipe and I made it tonight. Man, let me tell you, it was sooo good. Defiantly worth trying. I don't know the nutritional info, but it's just chicken, shouldn't be that hard to figure out.

Kids are out of school for the summer, next Thursday. We don't have any plans for the summer. I think we are going to go camping for 3 days at the lake, but that's about it. Kendra, my oldest, is going to camp this summer for 5 days. She is really looking forward to it. I used to go to camp when I was little and I loved it.

I start school on June 3rd. I am getting more nervous as it gets closer, but I'm ready. I had hoped to be a little more thin before I started, but I guess it's not going to happen.

Oh, I just remembered a really weird thing, well two things, that happened last night. I don't remember why but I somehow ended up on find a grave. It's a website that shows the graves of famous people. So I was looking around when I noticed that, Bridgette Andersen, famous as a child in such movies as "Savannah Smiles" and "Parent trap 2" had died in 1997 at the age of 22. So, about 10 minutes later, I decided to watch a little TV before bed. I turn the TV on and it's on the Disney channel. It just so happens that Parent trap 2 is on. Even more odd though is, before all this happened, I was looking for Eric Clapton's son that had died when he was 5 from falling out of a 53rd story window. His death is what inspired the song, "Tears in Heaven". I had my mp3 music files playing. They were on shuffled mode, so I didn't know what song would play, when. So, I'm looking for his son and no sooner had I opened the page, when the song "Tears in Heaven" randomly plays on winamp. Pretty odd huh? I told a friend of mine about it, she starts freaking out saying, "Ginny, whatever you do, don't leave that house tonight! That's a sign!" LOL

Well, that's what's been going on in my life, pretty exciting, Yippee!

Another pound and a half gone forever! Guess this hard work in paying off. Today is free day, so I don't think I'll be updating again today. You all take care!

Good evening. I hope you are all doing well. I am getting excited about weigh-in day tomorrow, weird huh? I really think I will see another loss this week though, and having two losses in a row hasn't happened in a long time, so it's exciting. I haven't been hungry today. I actually have had to force myself to eat. That is a weird feeling. I'm usually hungry even if I'm sick. So, I'm not sure what's going on, but for now, it's a good thing.

I did my 2 and a half mile walk yesterday morning. I got a nifty t-shirt too. It wasn't that bad really, except I was trying to walk to fast at first and my legs were hurting fairly early on, so I had to slow down and then it was fine.

I am now keeping an online food journal. You can see it here. It is pre-planned but if I mess up or change my mind about something, I will edit it, so it is my actual meals for the day. If I have a binge, I will add it too. Knowing that everyone will see my mess-ups has actually kept me from having any. Well, I have to go make dinner now. I will update my weight and recipe tomorrow. Take care.

Woohoo! I have gotten 246 hits to my page today. I think that is a record! Thanks everyone!

My diet plan has changed. I am going to start doing weight watchers on my own now. I've never signed up before so I really don't know what I'm doing, but I need something different. I bought a weight watchers cookbook yesterday and it has the "Winning points weight loss plan" listed inside, so that is where I am starting. The following is something I posted on my message board. I am putting here, for those of you that don't check the board, to give you more details.

Hello there. I've been feeling pretty good lately. I feel like I am finally getting this together. My eating has been under control. I've been walking most every night and I've been drinking water like it's going out of style. I still get hungry a lot, but I am finally in control and it's a good feeling. Now when I'm hungry, I just suffer through it. HEHE! Point is, I know when I'm really hungry or just think I am. If I need to eat, I will eat, but if I just need comfort, I will read a book, take a walk, or cuddle up to my honey. I honestly think my message board has helped me so much. I am being serious now. If you are having a hard time right now and need support. If you are serious about losing weight, please come on over. Sometimes that interaction every single day can really help. Trust me, it's helped me more then I can explain. Thank you everyone that has been an active part of that, I appreciate it tremendously! I appreciate all of you too! I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for this web page. I wouldn't have this web page if it wasn't for all of you that come to read it. I hope in some little way I have helped you too. If for nothing more then to let you know that we all struggle and we'll get through this one way or another. You just have to keep trying. Don't give up, because if you do, you are giving up on yourself and what will make you happy. You will never truly be happy until you can look in the mirror and be proud of the image you see. If you are, then more power to you. Even if you weigh over 400 lbs and you like what you see in the mirror, then you stay right where you are and live life to the fullest. I don't really think that is the case though, or you wouldn't be here right now, reading my thoughts. Well, now that I've turned this into a totally sappy entry, I guess I shall leave you all to your thoughts. I meant every sappy thing I said too! Bye!

Happy Mothers day everyone! I know I would see a loss tomorrow if it wasn't for TOM. My legs are still slightly swollen too. I don't know why. I drank a gallon of water today and the last few days, I've drank close to it. Tomorrow is free day. Yeah, I know, I was only doing a free meal once a week, but it hasn't been working out that way, so why fight it? I am finding that my message board is really keeping me going. I love interacting with everyone over there and it seems to give me the kick in the butt I need. I got a new user tonight. If that isn't enough to bring you over and get you signed up, nothing is. That man is fine! Shhhh, don't tell Michael I said that. :P Well everyone. I think I'm going to go for the night. I will be weighing in first thing in the AM and posting my weight soon after. Goodnight!