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My week hasn't start out real well. You might have noticed, I had a 1.5 lb gain on weigh-in day. Honestly though, I'm not that worried about it. As I said before, my legs are swollen like crazy. This week I am trying to focus more on getting this play-dough off my legs rather then on my eating. Not that I won't be trying to eat well, but, well you know what I'm saying. Today my husband asked me to go eat at our favorite Chinese buffet with him. Of course, being the weak person I am, I said, "Sure". So I guess that is my free meal for the week. Now I am going to have to stay on target the rest of this week. One thing I did notice about my buffet eating since losing weight, I will now eat one good size plate full of food and have some fruit for dessert, and water on the side. That's it. No going back for seconds. The old me would have ate about 2 or more plates, had Pepsi to drink and finish off with some cake, cookies or ice-cream, sometimes a combo of all. The weird thing is, I wasn't even trying to watch what I ate when we went out. I had the attitude that if I was going to mess up, might as well mess up big. I guess my stomach has shrank finally.

I can't remember if I've mentioned or not... I bought a George Foreman grill we couple of weeks ago. I absolutely love it! To bad I didn't but one a long time ago. It's great for grilling chicken breast. I bought a huge package of boneless skinless chicken breast and separated them into individual servings. For lunch I will slap one on the grill and make a salad while I'm waiting for the chicken to cook. By the time I'm done making my salad, the chicken is done. I will have a grilled chicken sandwich on wheat bread with a side salad. It doesn't get any better than that. I make the best salads by the way. I don't think I'd ever tire of them.

I'm working on a message board for my page. I doubt it will get used much, but I wanted to give it a try. basically, it's just something for me to mess with. I will add it in a couple of weeks, time permitting, and after I get it looking the way I want. Ok, it's dinner time, then I'm off to take my walk. See ya.

Man, the frustration! I was wanting to use my high speed internet connection today, (okay, I guess it was technically yesterday since it is now 2:30 in the morning) so I decided to download quite a few mp3 song files. Somewhere along the way, I contracted a computer virus. This one was called, "Loveletter.vbs". Not a very nice virus at all. Within minutes, it attached itself to almost every file on my computer, the important ones anyway. It spread to all my windows files, all my pictures, all my mp3's. I tried and tried to get it cleaned out, without having to format my hard drive. No such luck. I don't even want to think about all that was lost. The most important thing I lost was all my kids pictures that I have taken with my digital cam. I can never get those back. It was my fault I guess, I should have burned them on a cd a long time ago. One good thing did happen from all of this though, since formatting my hard drive, my computer is running hella fast now. I have been having a lot of errors lately and I was thinking about formatting anyway. Today alone, I had to reboot my computer over 20 times. So anyway, it's all cleared out and I am trying to recover some of my lost software now. Well, actually not tonight. I have been at this computer dealing with all of this for over 5 hours now, I'm beat and ready for bed.

As far as my eating has been going, I am very proud of myself and feel that I am back on track. All is well in that area. I haven't been drinking enough water though and it really shows. My legs are swollen worse then ever. I am talking about pushing down on my shin and having it stay dented down for over a minute. It's crazy. I am going to start working on the again.

As always, thanks for listening to me babble. I am going to get some sleep now. Take care everyone. Oh yeah, before I forget. If anyone sent me email after April 15th, I would not have been able to get it. It was an email address that I got through my last internet server and since I cancelled it, I am not able to receive anymore email at that email address. If you did email me, I really appreciate it and ask that you resend to my new email address. Thanks.

I'm back! God, I missed you all. I would have been back sooner but, our phone line had to be replaced before we could get our DSL up and running. So, we had to wait for the phone company to get out here and do it. They finally did this morning and here I am. So, let me tell you what has been going on with me. First of all, I didn't weigh in Monday morning. Err.. well I tried too, but the damn scale is still being a bitch. Sometimes it will weigh me right, I think anyway, and other times, it's obviously full of shit. Monday I jumped on it 3 different times, each time it gave me a different weight. Once was 241, another was 237 and yet another was 268. So, I guess you can take your pick this week. I wouldn't doubt if 241 is the right one. I haven't been doing very well. Well, that is until this week. So far I've been eating pretty damn healthy and not a lot. I have been walking too. I walk around my block and one block over, 3 times in a row. I will have to take the car around to find out exactly how far it is. I also went to Wal-Mart the other day. We went to the sporting goods department, and I bought myself a jump rope for $6.95. I was reading somewhere that jumping rope for 10 minutes straight, will burn 600 calories. So I was thinking, "Hell, I can do that!". It's not as easy as I remember. I only managed to do it for about 3 minutes before I thought I was going to die. No fear, I just have to keep doing it until I can go longer. My next purchase will be, a hula hoop. I can't wait to see what that will be like.

On Tuesday, the 16th, my oldest daughter, Kendra, got 27 stitches in her leg. We had went out to my parents house - they live out in the country. My mom had recently bought some baby chickens and Kendra wanted to show them to me. So she runs over there and there is an old fish tank laying on its side, that my mom placed in the chicken coop, for the chickens to crawl into, if they so desire. Anyway, she tripped on something and fell right on top of the fish tank. It broke and cut her leg in 7 different places and once in her arm. She had to get stitches in 5 of the 8 cuts, including the one in her arm. One, right across her shin, was about 1/2" deep. At the emergency room, they had told her she was doing better then most grown men do. I don't think she cried even once, not even when she cut herself. I think I would have been screaming.

I have yet to go back and read every ones journal, I've been having withdrawals. I think I am going to go do that now. Please sign my guestbook or send me an email. It would really mean a lot to me.

I thought I would do one more update, while my internet is still on. This will the last one until April 22nd, then I will be back online.

I went out and bought a notebook. I am going to write down every single thing I eat or drink for the day. I will also be keeping track of exercise. It is so nice here. I am going to start taking a walk, at least around the block, every evening. I know it's not much, but I am taking baby steps right now. I think that is part of my problem. I was trying to do to much at one time, and it all just became to overwhelming, I didn't think I could handle it anymore. I am starting to feel better about everything and I am back on track. One big change I've decided to make, I will not be eating anything after 7:00 pm. I've stuck with this so far for 3 days now. That was one of my biggest problems, night time munchies. I would sit in front of the computer all night and eat. I would usually eat something semi healthy, but I would eat to much of it. It's been pretty easy to stop eating late, so far. One thing I know for sure, if I do end up eating something after 7:00 pm, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I will just move on to the next day and start over. I have to stop being so critical of myself. I'm so hard on myself. Every little time I mess up, I feel depressed and disapointed. I am overrun with guilt. I have so many negative thoughts. It's not going to be easy, but I am seriously going to work on that. Hopefully the next time I update, I will have some good things to report. Well, that is all for now. I will update my weight chart next Monday, just as soon as my internet is up and running again. Man, I'm going to miss having the internet, even if it is only for a week. Most of all, I will miss all of you. Please stay strong, you can it if you truly believe you can. That is what I'm working on right now, believing in myself. Take care everyone. See you soon.

Well, it turns out my current internet service is paid up until the 15th of this month, so I will be online until then. I did have to make a correction in my last entry. I will be back online April 22nd, NOT May 22nd. Sorry about that mistake (I had a few beers that night). I started thinking... Some of you might not even come back to check until May, I hope this reaches you in time. I'd hate to lose any readers.

On to the weight loss issue. I have still been struggling quite a bit. I am not sure what has happened to me, but it's getting harder and harder every day. It is on my mind 24/7 It's driving me crazy. I hate that my life is so focused around losing weight. I want it so bad, but sometimes, as I'm eating something I know I shouldn't, I just don't give a shit. I hate having this ongoing battle in my head. I am starting to wonder if it will be this way until the day I die. When do I get to live a normal life? Knowing my luck, I won't get thin until I'm so old that it really won't matter. I want you all to know. When I do get back online, I plan on having this under control. I am going to do whatever it takes. Good Lord, it's just food! Why does it have to be so controlling? I really do wish you all the best. I will think about you all and have withdrawals from not being able to read my favorite online journals. Take care everyone. If my service is still on Monday morning, I will update my weight chart before I get disconnected. Love you all.

Hello there. I haven't even been online in 3 days now. Real life is taking over. I really am sorry. I do plan on getting back to updating about every day. Ok, here is the news of the day. I am getting DSL internet. It will take about 12 days to set up. Which means... I will be offline until about April 22. I had to cancel my current internet server or I will get billed for another month and I won't even use it. So, please hang tight, I will be back soon! I have been thinking about you all! I wish everyone luck. I hope the next time I talk to you, you will all be thinner! I am praying for you and me too.

Yes, I'm still alive. This last week was a bad one. I've been dealing with a sick baby all week. She is almost 2 years old, but it felt like I was dealing with a newborn again. She kept waking my up every 2 hours for four nights in a row. Needless to say, I've been pretty tired. So, here I am again. I will try and stay on these updates this week. I gained half a pound this week, trust me, that could have been a lot worse and I'm actually surprised it wasn't. I am doing better so far this week. I feel terrible coming in here again talking about how I failed again this week. I'm truly sorry. I know you probably come here for inspiration and motivation and lately I seem to be lacking. I am really going to try this again. It's like I've lost my focus for awhile. I haven't been counting calories for quite some time now, I think it's time I did. That seemed to be the only way that I would stick with it. So, that is what I am going to do. We are going grocery shopping today, I am going to make a list before I go. I am not going to buy anything that is going to tempt me to stray. I will make a menu each and every day, including calories, then I will stick with it. It is so much easier for me to do so when I write it down. My biggest problem lately is, I have no idea what I am going to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner, I get hungry, go into the kitchen and just grab whatever I can find. Not good. When you're hungry, you're not always going to make the best food decisions, spur of the moment. I must go now, I have to get the kids off to school, yes it's early. I will update the recipe section later on. See you later.

God I've ate like a hog today. I had a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast. I had Chinese buffet for lunch. I snacked on candy almost all day. Then I finished out the day with two pieces of pizza. Well, other then today, this week hasn't been all that bad. I just hope I can get some exercise in so that I don't see a gain on Monday.

Something good did happen today though. I am finally enrolled in school! I will be going to school Monday - Thursday from 4:30 PM to 7:25 PM. I start June 3rd and finish July 28th. Then I have to take my final test before I get my certificate. I am going to get my A+ certificate by the way, computer repair for anyone that doesn't know. I am a little bit nervous about starting school after all this time. I haven't been to school in about 11-12 years. I am very excited though. This is just a stepping stone for me. I am going to get this certificate and keep going up and eventually get my MCSE cert. So wish me luck everyone, I'm going to need it. I really hope to lose 15 lbs or so before I start school. I better get my ass in gear.

I went to a parent/teacher conference at Kendra's school today. I was very pleased to see that she brought most of her grades up by 2 whole grades! Last semester she was basically getting a D in many of her classes. This report card, she got straight B's. So I took her out of school early, only about 30 mins early, they were getting out at 1:15 anyway because of conferences, and I took her to lunch, so that explains the Chinese buffet. :P

Please excuse any typo's, if any. I am very tired tonight and was falling asleep a second ago, I wanted to get this updated though before bed. So, that is where I am heading now. G'night.