Scroll down to see older entries.

Well, this week has started out better then last week, eating wise that is. I still need to get it together and start exercising again. I knew if I skipped it two days in a row, I'd do this. It's just to damn easy to get lazy and lose all motivation. I will get back at it. I am not paying $39.99 a month for a YMCA membership for nothing! Honestly, it is getting harder to find the time to go. Since my little one doesn't do very well in the daycare, it makes it really hard. I would have to go in the evening when my husband wakes up and by then I am wore out and don't feel like going. I guess I just need to talk to him about maybe going first thing when he gets home in the morning. It won't kill him to stay up and extra 45 minutes or so, he usually does anyway. So, that is where I am now, trying to get back into exercising. I can honestly say, when I was doing it daily, I felt so good! That is why I don't understand why it is so hard to get going again. I guess when you look at exercise as punishment for so many years, it's hard to get over that. So, back to eating. As I said, I've done better this week so far. Not as good as I'd like to be doing, but it's a start. I want to at least lose those 2 lbs again, then I will be happy. I'd really be happy to lose another 2 lbs on top of that, but I'm not going to be greedy. I am going to exercise in the morning. I will have the perfect chance, since it is hubby's night off tonight. I have to start somewhere and tomorrow will be the day. I am to tired to update the recipe tonight, it will have to wait until tomorrow. I'd really love to hear from you. Sometimes it's just nice to know that others are actually reading what I am writing. It makes it all worth it. So drop me a line... Email me or sign the guestbook. Thank you to everyone that is reading this right now, it means more to me then you will ever know. Night everyone.

Oink! Oink! Oink! That is the word of the week. Actually, it's more like the theme of the week. I don't know why, but no matter how much I ate, I couldn't seem to get enough. I have been chowing all week long! I am really dreading my weigh-in in the morning. I believe my monthly friend should be showing up soon, so that could explain the cravings. I am going to get it together this week. No slacking! I was in tears last night. I felt so out of control and it really scared the shit out of me. Heh, come to think of it, crying is also a sign of my period, so we'll see. (I'm trying to give myself an excuse, dammit!). So anyway, like I was saying, I was crying last night. I really was feeling depressed and out of control. I could see myself falling right back to where I used to be and it scared the shit out of me. The more I thought though, the better I felt. I decided I can't beat myself up all the time. I felt something last night, the more I thought about it and I knew... I knew that I would never be the person I used to be. I don't think I could be even if I tried. That person is gone. This isn't about dieting. This is about changing my whole life. If this was simply about dieting, I wouldn't feel so different inside. I feel better, more confident, more healthy, more thin. So what if I fucked up this week? I have the rest of my life to keep going and that is just what I plan to do. That is what makes me strong, knowing that this was one week out of, hopefully, another fifty or so years. The same goes for everyone. If you screw up one day, one week or even a whole damn year, it's never to late, you have until the day you die to keep moving forward. Even just knowing that is why I know I am a different person now. The old me would screw up one damn day and think, "Well I fucked up today so what does it matter, I can start again next Monday." Only I never would start again. Monday would roll around and I'd put it off until the next Monday and so on and so forth, never getting anywhere, except fatter. I truly believe that successful weight loss comes from not only watching what you eat, but having the knowledge and the acceptance of your mistakes along the way. Practice makes perfect, so you just gotta keep practicing. Even if you don't know what you're doing, pretend that you do, you'll be amazed at how far you can go.

I am not expecting a loss this week. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised to see a gain. It's been a bad week of eating. Anyway, enough about that. The kids have been home for Spring break all week, so it's been pretty hectic around here, which is why I haven't updated in awhile. I am going to get my ass in gear in the morning. I am waking up and going grocery shopping. I am coming home and exercising. I am drinking my gallon of crystal light and/or some water. I am watching what I eat. I hate having a good loss one week and totally messing up the next. But, I guess it's good that I am not messing up every week, so that is something anyway. It's been a long week and I haven't been sleeping very well. I am heading off to bed. I will try and update again tomorrow. Night.

Yippee! I couldn't believe the scales this morning. Needless to say, it was a nice surprise. I guess it really paid to get rid of all that water weight, which I am sure is the reason there was such a big loss this week. Not really a whole lot to say tonight. Been a boring day. I am going at this head on now. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get there. I am hoping to lose 15 lbs by the end of April. This is my challenge to myself. If I can do that, I will be back at my pre-pregnancy weight almost 3 years ago. I was still fat then, but I looked good! Most of all I felt good about myself. I can't even imagine how I'll feel when I get under 200 lbs. It's very exciting just thinking about it! The end of this month will mark six months that I've been at this. Almost 45lbs lost so far. I don't think that is to bad. I know it could have been more if I would have been exercising the whole time. Speaking of exercise... what the fuck is wrong with me? God, I was doing so well for awhile and boom, I fall off and I'm having one hell of a hard time getting back on. I will though. Believe dat! Well, I think my brain is shutting down for the night. I am at a loss for words. Good-night.