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Well, this week hasn't started out like I had planned. I haven't been sticking with this 100%. I'm not that worried about it though, not for now anyway. I am doing good enough, I think. I guess the scales will tell the truth next weigh-in day. I've learned a few things about my body recently. My body responds perfectly to what I eat. If I eat bad (meaning, not on plan) 4 days out of 7, then eat right the last 3 days before weigh-in, the scales rewards me for just those 3 days. Is this bad? Is it cheating? I don't know, but it works. I know I should learn to eat right every day. I will. I just have to take it one day at a time. On the other hand, if I eat like a pig, even just 1 day, and weigh myself (not officially of course) the next morning, I will see the damage. I've got to learn balance. I don't think trying to lose weight means you have to give up everything that is good. I eat anything I want, I don't feel guilt, usually. I have just learned to not eat as much and not eat as often. I personally feel that if I start taking away all the yummy "Forbidden" foods, I will end up giving up in the end. I guess what I am trying to say is, I'm not going to totally eliminate all fattening foods, at least not all at once. It is a gradual process, much the same as losing weight is. I'm going to give myself time and not beat myself up for craving and ultimately giving in. This is something that I have come to realize in the past week. I just have to learn my limitations. If I want to lose the weight faster, then I will have to cut out more. If I don't mind a slower pace of losing weight, then I'll do it more gradual - (adj 1: proceeding in small stages). Trust me, I've given this a lot of thought. Some might think I am making excuses for the way I have been eating, really I'm not. I am making progress. I am learning as I go. I am not a pro, obviously, but I am doing what I think is right for me, for now. I know there are many things that still need work, and that is why I am here, to stay focused and make more progress. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. Whatever is right for me, might not be right for you. You have to make the distinction on your own.

Hello there. Just a quick update tonight before bed. I can't wait to see what the scale reads in the morning. I am pretty sure I won't see a gain, but I probably won't see a loss either. Since my last update, I've been really sticking with this, eating and my water anyway, exercise still needs some work. It'd be nice to see a loss, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

I didn't get around to making the chicken and mashed potatoes tonight. We had spaghetti instead. Last night, my husband and I went out to eat at this place called Timberline Steakhouse, for our anniversary. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. It was the best damn chicken sandwich I've ever had in my life! I don't know why, but it was extra good. It was a plain one too, only a lettuce leaf and some purple onion on it, no mayo or anything. My hubby ordered a 12oz sirloin. He only ate about 3/4 of it. Don't know why he didn't just order the 10oz one that was about 3 dollars cheaper.

Well, I finally broke down yesterday and bought me a new pair of jeans, a new shirt, and some shoes. I love the jeans I got! I got the size 18. They were skin tight too, but I thought they my made look better. My husband was in awe. It was weird. Like he was just now seeing any difference in my body. He kept saying, "I can't believe how much weight you've lost." I decided I am not going to keep the shirt. I didn't try it on before I bought it because I was running late. I got an XL. It fit me pretty well, only thing I didn't like about it, it is short. I don't like to wear any shirt that exposes my fat tummy. I think I am going to end this for the night. I'll update my weight chart in the morning as soon as I get a chance. Wish me luck. Good night.

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. Aside from being busy all week, I will admit, I've been kind of ashamed to post anything at all related to this weeks eating. I've done terrible! I don't know what's wrong with me but I've been having these terrible cravings. I just can't seem to get enough. It seems no matter what I eat or how much, all this week, I haven't felt full or even satisfied. I would like to clarify one thing though. Although I have been eating like a pig this week, I haven't even come close to how I used to eat. I used to eat food even when I wasn't hungry just because it tasted good. I can remember making myself eat more even though I was already stuffed, just because I loved what I was eating. So, although I have been doing poorly this week, I've kept somewhat control, I guess.

My legs are terribly swollen. I can push on my shin and it leaves an indention of about 1/4", which stays for about 3-4 minutes! I know that I have been very dehydrated lately, and it's no wonder. There were several days this week that I don't think I drank anything except maybe a 12oz can of Pepsi one the whole day. Also I haven't exercised in probably 5 days or so. Pure laziness.

Last night I was doing some thinking... I was really beating myself up and felt on the verge of tears all days. I just can't let myself go! All that I have worked for and as far as I have came, I am not about to throw it all away! I made a list last night. I have it detailed, from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to bed. Sometimes seeing it on paper works, at least for me it does. Right now it is 1:30 pm. I've done every single thing so far on my list, including the menu I have planned for the day, drinking my water, I've probably drank about 42oz so far, and exercise. Don't get me wrong, I am so hungry right now I could scream, but I am going to be stronger then the hunger pains. I am not starving myself, I have ate, so I just have to deal with it. Bottom line is, I know I will get there someday. I also know I will have bad days, hell even bad weeks, but I am not giving up no matter what. I don't care how long it takes, this is not a race, I'll get there when I get there.

I've decided to post two new recipes today since it's been so long since I've posted a new one. I am actually thinking about cooking both, Sunday night. Seem to go well together and not to bad, calories wise. I'll let you know. I will try not to stay away for so long again. I doubt that I will get a chance to update tomorrow. It is my 2 year anniversary tomorrow! My mom is taking the kids and my husband and I are going to dinner, then we'll see. :) Okay, that is all for now, take care.

Hello there. I got my period yesterday morning which could be the reason for the 1 pound gain this week. I feel so bloated it's sickening. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been real regular lately, if you know what I mean. Also I didn't get to work out yesterday or today because I am cramping like a SOB. Every since I got my tubes tied back in April 2001, my periods are terrible! For one the cramping, for two, I go through a box of pads a day almost, it's that heavy, and three, they are so irregular, I never know when I'll get one. OK, I think I've went into detail enough about that subject. Next...

I don't know if anyone remembers or not but, awhile back I had mentioned something about getting breast reduction surgery. I even went as far as making an appointment for a consultation. Well, at the last minute, I chickened out, I missed my appointment. I'm not sure why I chickened out, just didn't like what my sister, that's already had the surgery, had to say about it. She made it seem like I was going to be totally embarrassed. Well, I've thought it over again and I have decided to give it another try. I know that I will be embarrassed anyway, so it's ok. I figure, that's why I am there, not only because my back is killing me, but I hate the way they look. Especially now, after losing weight. They are really starting to sag now, and I am not to happy about it. So anyway, I am going to make an appointment this week. Hopefully they won't remember me as the girl that never showed up :> That's all for tonight. Take care.

Just a quick update tonight. I'm not even going to put up a new recipe this time because I am to tired.

This morning I stepped on the scale, I couldn't help it. I just needed to see if it was as bad as I've was thinking. Well, I've gained half a pound. Not to bad I guess, considering. I haven't been getting in any exercise over the last few days. I would offer up some excuses as to why, but I have none. I need to start back up. I am going to the y tomorrow.

I did drink a lot of water today, which I haven't been doing for quite some time now. With this Well butrin I am taking, it's easy to remember to drink your water, and trust me, you even want it. It really dries me up. I have been feeling a little more upbeat today. I guess we all have our days. Well, I think that is all I am going to write tonight. I hope everyone is doing well, take care.

Hello. I hope you all haven't missed me to much. :) I was planning on updating last night but didn't get around to it. I haven't been doing very well these last few days, eating wise. I am almost 100% sure that I've probably gained a pound or 2. I don't understand why I do so good one week and the next week is crap. It gets so frustrating. I feel so ashamed of myself. I am on an emotional roller coaster. One week and I am proud and the next week, I am wishing I could kick my own ass. The only thing that keeps me going is, I know that I'll get there, eventually. It's been a pretty depressing week. I didn't get to go out with Tammy like I had planned. She couldn't get out because her husband had somewhere he had to go and she didn't want to take the kids. So she said she would come over here and chill for awhile. I waited and waited she never showed up and I still haven't heard from her. She has always been flaky like that. I don't even know why we bother to make plans, they rarely ever happen.

The house is a mess. I have to get busy here very quickly and start cleaning it. Our house is to big, with to many people that don't pick up after their self. It seems like I can only do a section at a time and by the time I get around to doing another part, the part I just did is dirty again. Not to mention the never ending pile of laundry.

I think I am going to stop here. I don't want this to turn into nothing but a bitch session, but I can't think of anything else to say right now. Sorry.