These are the best years of our lives, right?
What about the times when I was sad
And the days when I was mad
Depression consumes half my life
Forgetting about boys and wanting a wife
Telling my friends the truth about me
Hoping they will just let it be
The friendships I gained and lost along the way
Thinking, �I�m not that bad, please will you stay?�
When people only saw me happy, those were the days
Those were the people who made me sad, changing my ways
Writing my poetry, knowing it�s not good
I wish I could write better, oh I wish I could
I dish out my thoughts hoping you would care
Then when I�m not sad, it�s like I�m not even there
You talk about me and put me down
Then say that you�ll see me around
I wish I could go out and see the light
Then I know things will be all right
Until then I�ll just be sad
Put myself down, saying I�m bad
These are the days that are rather odd
Hiding behind my clever fa�ade
I do bad things, I know I do
Then I insist on blaming it on you
When you are not the one to blame
I�m the one with this life to claim
No one said that life was fair
But no one said you shouldn�t care
All I want is to be free
All I want is to be me
I want my life to be intact
And not blow up and overreact
I used to not care what people thought
But now in high school, it�s like I�m being shot
Suicide thoughts always run through my head
Wanting it all to stop, wanting to be dead
Would my friends really care
If I was gone, or if I was there?
Maybe we will just have to see
Then I think, suicide isn�t for me
I just want to know who I am once and for all
I just want some friends who occasionally call
Why does high school change you like this?
I can�t keep up, what�d I miss?
I want my life back how it was
I guess I cant, just because
This one year of high school seemed so long
All the emotion I went though, everything I did was wrong
I guess that�s why no one likes me anymore
I seem so depressed; I�ve become a bore
I can be happy again, yes I might
Because these are the best years of our lives, right?
6/9/03
Reflect on my life
These short 14 1/2 years seem so long
I feel like I�ve "been there"
I know I�m wrong
Being in and out of love
What IS love?
Friendships I have
The friendships I HAD
What is a friend really?
Are they the ones you talk to...
Or do they talk to you?
The secrets you tell them
Or the secrets they tell you
Friendships are two sided
Love is two sided
Am I two sided?
I feel like I�ve �lived�
Feel like I�ve traveled amid
Open to new ideas
But closed to new things
They scare me so
Things I don�t know
Wanting to change
Fear of becoming something I�m not
Individualist, Feminist?
What is an �ist really?
Others's ideas inspire me
Show me I want to become thee..
Am I still an individual?
Feeling as if I had already won
Feeling as if my time here is done
I�d like to think that I don�t care
And that peer pressure has no affect on me
Becoming like other people day after day
Maybe I�ll be myself today
Slipping in and out of depression
Massive emotion
No confession
Clean my soul, bring better things
Happy things like bloody fangs
The oddest things turn me on
Weird obsessions�
Weird interests�
This is what makes me, me
These are the things that set me free
Now I am an individualist
That�s all I want to be
Still a confused 15 year old
With my 14 � years that seem so long
Falling in and out of love
Making me strong
Friendships I�ve had and lost along the way
Reminds me that these reflections are here to stay
6/11/03
Nothing you say will make me go away
Im here for you when you are feeling down
Hey! Im like your own personal clown
I might have said somethin that hurt your heart
I want you to know that i will never part
You were always more than a friend to me
I need some way to make you see
I love you more than words can say
Please forgive me before you move away
You are the one i will always miss
Please forgive me, I love you Chris!
Dedicated to Chris D. :-D luv ya chica!!!! ::kisses::
6/5/03
Today it was over
Today you were gone
And all I remember
Is that graduation song
You looked so beautiful
When they called your name
I want to turn back time
I want old feelings to remain
I�m so proud of you
I want you to see
I�m so proud of you
I wish it were me
But with the first note we played
And the first step you took
Made me cry
I couldn�t look
People think I�m obsessed
For caring so much
I just want them to know
I really like you and such
I can�t say �I Love You�
I don�t know what that means
I can say I like you a lot
Because that�s how it seems
I�m so confused
About all of this
All I know is
It�s you I will miss
Because today it was over
Today you were gone
And all I remember
Is that graduation song
6/12/03
6/15/03