Diana's Diary 2003
December 30 th
Had a very good afternoon, I went over to visit a friend and we went out for lunch at the Corner Pug. I had a Chicken Caesar Salad Wrap, which was very good, and we had a nice talk about the Twenty Club and COS among other things. But the best part for me was after I left her I went to a convenience story and bought some milk. Now those that know me know I have never really have gone out shopping by myself, I always went with others and always to GLBT friendly type of place. I never went to a grocery type story before, this may not seem like much, but for me it's a big deal, this was a milestone.
December 29 th
While preparing to update the COS web-site to include our guest speaker, Helen Boyd author of "My Husband Betty", for the banquet I cane across an article on her web-site that moved me to write about it. As Helen Boyd said it is hard to report such sad news, it is about the suicide of a fifteen-year-old transgender youth in Texas. The story was reported in the Texas Triangle.
This is one reason why we need to work for Civil Rights and Hate Crime laws to include Gender Identity. It is something that affects all of us in not only the Transgender community, but also all of the GLBTIQ community. One of the things that are so hard for many of us are still in the closet, for whatever the reason and are not able to speak out. So those who are stepping out of the closet must speak for our brothers and sisters and try to get the legislation passed to protect the rest of us.
I know when I go out in public I still find it very hard not to be intimidated by the idiots who just want to make our lives unbearable. We can never make it safe for ourselves, but just maybe we can make it safer.
December 28 th
One of the things I do on regular bases is read the news on Google and after that I search Google News for "transgender". And today I found it interesting that AP carried an article on the tenth anniversary of the murder of Brandon Teena on New Years Day in Humboldt Nebraska. It was his story that the movie "Boy's Don't Cry" was about. What partially caught my attention was the fact the story was carried by so many papers, over forty papers worldwide published the story. Including papers from the states of Texas, Montana, Mississippi, West Virginia, Utah, North Carolina, Alabama and also papers in England and China. It is too bad that it took his death and all the deaths of others to finally get the world to start to take notice.
December 24 th
Peace On Earth and Good Will To All
I think that this year more than any other year that Peace is on our mind for all our loved ones no matter where they are. So I wish you, Happy Holidays to all of you and your family and friends. May this time of year be a joyous one for all.
December 20 th
I went to the performance of Varla Jean Merman's Holiday last night at the Hartford Stage Company. It was very funny and enjoyable, at first they showed a video clip of her on a giant screen television and I was thinking that this can't be the show. It was done like a holiday TV special with her poised at different locations around New York, but then she came prancing out on stage. The show was about the fact that they couldn't get any stars to come on her TV special. The performance was for mature audiences with a couple of racy numbers. I was glad that I went to see her and I had a good time, I only wish it was a little earlier ( 10:00 to 11:30 ) so that I could have made it a night out on the town.
All my plans this weekend went out the window because I got a cold, so I am just hibernating in bed, drinking plenty of fluids and all of the other stuff that mother taught us. I so want to go up to the Sunshine Clubs Christmas Potluck Dinner tonight and over to a house party on Sunday, but I don't want to spread the cold around. Hopefully, this will be over by Christmas.
December 18 th
Went out to the Pond House for dinner last night with a group from COS, there was two other COS members and a prospective COS member. We all had a good time, dinner was for 6:45 and we left around nine o'clock. It was nice that it was a small group it allowed us to talk easier, you did have to shout to be heard down at the other end of the table and also you didn't have to follow two or three conversations at once. While we were there, there was also a retirement party going on and the wine was flowing rather freely. They had about twelve to sixteen men and one woman in the party. When we were leaving I notice one of the older men eyeing us, I saw his eyes move up and down checking each of us out as we got up to leave and he had a big grin on his face. So typical male, going after anything in skirts.
Tomorrow night is Varla Jean at the Hartford Stage Company, Saturday a party up at the Sunshine Club and Sunday a house party in Manchester.
December 14 th
A very busy day yesterday, in the morning I cooked the corn pudding and stuffing, then rushed off to the Twenty Club meeting, rushed home to change and pick up the food for the COS ( Connecticut Outreach Society ) meeting and then rush off to open the COS meeting. Whew.
The Twenty Club Christmas party ran late because they could not get in early enough to start cooking the turkey so that wasn't ready until slightly before six. The meeting itself was a good meeting, there was about thirteen or fourteen people there and we had a go discussion about dating. The hazards of telling or not telling your partner about your background. When in a relationship do you tell your partner or even if you do tell your partner. Both sides have there own problems, one of the common problem to both of the sides, is if you tell your partner and the relationship turns sour then your ex-partner might tell others about your past. It is very hard to determine the right thing to do and when to do it.
The COS on the other hand was much lighter tone, it was also our Christmas party. I got there a little late to open up the hall and there were all ready some members waiting outside when I got there. We had eight members, a couple of spouses and four guests, two of who were prospective members. One of whom it was first time ever out in public. We had a lot of the cakes and cookies that were left over from the Twenty Club, sweets were plied high on the table.
It was a long day, I didn't close up the meeting until midnight. I was in heels all day and my feet were killing me by the time I got home, it felt so good to take them off.
This coming week is the COS board meeting Tuesday, Wednesday is the Pond House dinner and Friday the show at the Hartford Stage Company. So another busy week, but after that it starts to taper off for awhile.
December 13 th
I went out to a dinner party last night at a couple's house up in Northeastern Connecticut. It was a small gathering, three couples and myself. I enjoyed the small talk and the comradely, it brings out the Christmas season sprite and I got home around midnight.
This afternoon is the Twenty Club Christmas party and this evening is the COS Christmas party. 'Tis the season.
For the Twenty Club party I am making my Corn Pudding, stuffing and also bring some gray. Last year my corn pudding went so fast that I didn't get a chance to have some, so this year I am doubling the recipe. Hopefully, they will have about the same turn out as last year so I won't be eating corn pudding for the rest of the week at home.
December 12 th
Went up to Unity in Springfield to thier meeting last night. We had a good discussion on how to get more members to come, which seems to be a common problem that a lot of the support groups are facing. I don't know what is causing it, is it the internet, are they getting their support by going on the internet and developing networks there? Has society changed enough that support groups are becoming unnecessary? Or are the younger generations thinking support groups are only for the older generation and they are not something that they can relate to?
As always we headed over to the coffeeshop after the meeting where we continued on with the discussion, I got home around midnight and I am taking the day off today to do some Christmas shopping.
In other news I heard from a friend who just had her operation and everything came off ok ( Pun intended. ) and I hear that she is recuperating quite well from the operation from the reports we are getting.
December 7 th
The sun is finally coming out. It started snowing here Friday afternoon and it was still snowing when I got up this morning. It snowed here for about forty-eight hours with a total of a foot of snow. At least they say it was a foot of snow, but I don't see how they can measure it with all the blowing and drifting. Some places in my yard are bare and others are piled in drifts three - four feet deep.
What did I do all day? Why curl up in front of the woodstove, listen to music (Linda Ronstadt, Carly Simon, Eagles and Journey of course ) and read a Si-Fi book. Just mellow out.
Now as I get ready to shovel out, I wonder why are the bare spots on the lawn and all the drifts seem to be on the driveway? Oh well.
~{ pm }~
Just made the hotel reservations for Tiffany's Club "First Event" in January and yesterday the confirmation came for the event itself. So I am all set, see you all up there.
December 5 th
This week I went to an "Outreach" down at a university in the southern part of the state on Tuesday. I took a half a day at work and rushed home to change and head down there in time for the 12:30pm class. Then after the class we headed over to the student cafeteria for lunch and then talked at a 3 o'clock class getting at just in time to catch the 5 o'clock traffic home. The classes went well, as usual some of the students "got it" and others just didn't "get it". The second class asked some very thought-provoking question compared to that of the earlier class. That maybe because many of the students in the second class of majoring in social services or psychology and the other class the students were more general studies type of majors, marketing and etc.
Last night some friends and I went out to dinner because one of them is heading down to Florida for the winter. She is becoming a snowbird, so we said are good-byes.
November 30 th
Friday, I went to a coffee shop in Manchester, it is a nationally know chain, to meet with a friend to talk about doing a presentation at the True Colors conference. What was notable for me was this was a very "out" location, a very main stream location, right next to a major shopping mall on "Black Friday" mobs of people and bumper to bumper traffic . For those of you who know me, I prefer a more safe space. I do go out but it is usually with a group or to a space where we are known. But this time it was just he and I and he is very passable. Me, I am a very tall six foot woman with a very deep voice. In other words I don't pass very well and once I open my mouth the level of passing goes to zero. So, how did I do? Well I got a couple of glances and that was all, people just went on about their business and just ignored us.
Slowly my level of anxiety is dropping and I am slowly feeling more at easy as I go out in public. As I find out that most people just don't care, yes you do have some idiots out there and you have to always on your guard against them, but they seem to be few and far between.
November 27 th
Went to the COS meeting last night, we had a good turnout considering it was Thanksgiving eve. We watched the movie "Soldier's Girl" and afterwards we then watched the trailer, where the Winchell family, Calpernia Addams and the actors talked about the movie. We had planned on showing this movie back in September but this turned out to be a timely event because the U.S. Senate just voted to promote the General involved over strong opposition.
Coming up next week is an outreach at a local university on Tuesday. Other than that it should be a quite week.
Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.
November 22 nd
At the Twenty Club meeting today there was talk of moving the location of the meeting and there is great resistance to changing it. The Twenty Club is one of the oldest support groups in the nation and it has been meeting in the same location since, I believe the late sixties. They worry that some of the earlier members when the stop by for a visit will not know where to find the new meeting place.
I have mix feelings. I like where they meet now, it is a warm and comfortable place, but the parking is horrible. It took me able twenty minutes to find a parking space today. If they move to the new location the parking is great but the building is an old factory. So the motion was tabled until the Christmas Party at the next meeting when more of the members will be there.
November 21 st
Last night I went to the "Day of Remembrance" vigil in Hartford. They filled the room with people who came out for it at the MCC chapel in the Community Center. They had a number of good speakers there and these two I thought stood out.
The speaker from the Anti-Defamation League spoke about the time he was over in Germany a couple of years ago. He was walking around a city in the old East German sector looking for the Synagogue. He saw an Orthodox Jew and he went over to ask him where the Synagogue was. The Orthodox Jew said that he was on the way there now and was welcome to come along with him. As he was walking along with him he could hear kids laughing and taunting them. At first he was embarrass, but as he walked he started to straighten his back and walk tall, proud of whom he is. He said it made him aware of what it is like to be identified by what you wear, to be singled out by how you dress. And through that experience it helped him imagine what it is like every day for us in the transgender community.
The other speaker spoke about her youth. First when she and her friend were asked to leave a church because of her friend. The second incident was when she was bused to a white school in New Jersey, out of all the children that were bused to the other school, only her friend they did not accept and was sent back to her old school. A little while latter her friend committed suicide. Why? Because, she was a Transsexual.
I went up to read one of the names and I had a hard time doing it, my eyes were all tears. It was a very emotional time. As I sat back down in my seat the woman next to me touch my hand and just nodded slightly, she was from the ACLU. And her gesture brought on more tears.
It is hard to accept that they were murdered only because they were trying to be themselves. That some people hate us enough to kill us for just trying to live our lives.
November 16 th
Went up to the Sunshine Club's Masked Ball last night with to other COS members, we also met four other COS members there. We all had a good time, enjoying the food and the dancing. I met several friends I had not seen in awhile. I enjoyed it so well that I didn't get home until one in the morning.
At least next week isn't as busy as this last week was. The only thing on the agenda this week is the "Day or Remembrance" on Thursday.
November 15 th
Wow, have I been busy the last couple of days. I finally got the time to sit down and update my diary. Wednesday night dinner and a movie, Tuesday night UniTy meeting and last night another movie. And tonight the Masquerade Ball at Sunshine Club and tomorrow there is a party at Project 100 in Hartford.
Wednesday night four of us went out to dinner at the Goldroc Café and then afterwards we all went over to Trinity for the GLBT Film Festival. Where we were joined by four other friends from COS. The movie was "Girls Will Be Girls" which had an all male cast portraying the women. It was quite campy. After the movie one of the stars, Jeffery Roberson, came to talk about the movie and his play at the Hartford Stage Company, "Holiday Ham!" and "The Mystery of Irma Vep". I thought that his performance as Varla Jean Merman was the best part of the evening. Varla he had the audience rolling in their seats.
On Thursday night I went up to Springfield to the UniTy meeting where they were organizing the "Day of Remembrance" vigil and after the meeting we went over to the coffee shop. I got home around 11:30 and the wind was really blowing hard. It kept me up most of the night. We had gust up to sixty miles and hour at times.
Last night a friend came over, we had chili for dinner, and then we went over to Trinity again for another movie. We were meet by to other friends from COS and we watched the movie "Camp". Which I thought was excellent. It is about a group of misfit acting geeks who go off to summer camp to learn acting. The music was fantastic, they had music from a number of Broadway shows as well as number of original songs. After the movie we went over to the Trinity coffeehouse, sat around, and talked.
November 11 th
Today went very well at the Outreach and I think we made a good impression on the class. They were a little slow with their questions at first, but once they relaxed they started asking questions. One of our group has such an easy going nature that she is able to get the class to relax and open up with their questions, so that we got a good dialog going with the students. A number of them as they were leaving thanked us and said that they enjoyed the class and appreciated us coming to talk.
Hopefully, we made the world a little safer for us today and a little more accepting.
November 9th
After a dry spell, thing have started to pick up again. Yesterday was both the Twenty Club and COS meetings. The Twenty Club had a good turn out with about twelve people showing up. However, the meeting had just a single topic that we got hung up on, so for me, it made kind of a stressful meeting.
Afterwards, four of us went out to dinner at a pizza place in West Hartford. One of our friends had been there before, so they restaurant was already "Trannytized". The pizza was very good and no one seemed to mind us except for one couple. The guy kept starring at us and ever once and a while his girl would turn and look at us whenever we laughed. But we paid no attention to them and had a good time in spite of the looks he gave us.
After dinner we all went to the COS meeting. The meeting was a Coffee Klatch and it was an open topic. We had a good turn out for the meeting with about eleven members attending. We cover a number of topic including how to make COS better and attract new members, why did the new members seek us out and how did they find out about us, what type of meetings would they like to see in the future. We also talked about having some functions held jointly with other area support groups. All in all I thought the meeting went rather will and that everyone liked the meeting, since most of us left around eleven.
This coming week is going to be a busy one, Monday - electrolysis, Tuesday - an outreach at a university over in the eastern part of the state, Wednesday - going out to the movies at Trinity College for the EROS Film Festival to see "Girls Will Be Girls", Thursday - to the uniTy meeting in Springfield, Friday - maybe see another movie at the film festival called "Camp" right now no-one else wants to go see it so maybe I might just go by myself, Saturday - is the Sunshine Club Masked Ball. So it is going to be a very busy week, if all goes as planned.
October 26 th
Well, another Fair has ended bring new memories and friends. I am counting the days until the next fair begins again. Fantasia Fair is an experience that cannot be put into words, it has to be lived.
Saturday October 18 th
I arrived at the B & B where I am staying in Provincetown, the Carpe Diem at 4:30, the ride up here took close to four hours. The route that I took is down Rt. 9 and then I-95 to I-195, I made average time in getting here. Once I got unpacked I headed out for dinner. All most all of the restaurants were packed, since this weekend is Women's Week and everywhere was hopping. Commerce Street was mobbed with pedestrian traffic, all the stores were open and the nightclubs had lines out their doors. So after I ate I walked around awhile, did some window shopping and took in the ambiance of the town.
Sunday October 19 th
The day was a cold and showery day. I sat around the B & B all morning and read. Around two o'clock, two friends from Connecticut Outreach Society ( COS ) arrived and I helped them unload their cars. I then went down with them to register for the Fair, afterwards I went shopping with one of them.
In the evening there was a wine and cheese party, however before we left, the B & B they put out some wine and cheese also. We ended up talking to some of the guest who were up here for Women's Week, we got involved talking with them that we were late for Fantasia Fair party.
Afterwards, we went out bar hopping and I got in a little before midnight.
Monday October 20 th
I got a late start to the morning, because of the late night. After breakfast, we said good-byes to our new friends that were up here for Women’s Weeks, then we headed off to the orientation meeting that they have for the new people who are up here for the fair and they also update the veterans to any changes. I only went to one seminar in the afternoon and that was on transgender legal matters.
There was a dinner of roll-up sandwiches followed by two movies. The first was a movie called "Jewel’s Darl" which stared Georgie Beyer who is the first transsexual Minister of Parliament in New Zealand and the second movie was about her life call "Georgie Girl" which I saw the first at the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Film Festival earlier in the year.
After the movies some of us went to the Vixen nightclub for some drinks
Tuesday October 21 st
In the morning I went to a seminar entitled "The Reality of the Real Life Experience" which was about what to expect if you transition, it was a good seminar and I will be going to part two on Wednesday. After the morning seminar I went to lunch with some friends at the Crown and Anchor and that was followed by a talk giving by the well-known lawyer from Texas Phyllis Frye. The talk was excellent, she was both witty and informative. She talked about transgender law and how it is evolving, about her trial law cases and politics.
At night they had the "The Pioneers Awards Banquet" in which they gave life time achievement awards to Phyllis Frye and Ariadne Kane. Afterwards most of us headed over to one of the B & B to sit around and talk, I left around midnight.
Wednesday October 22 nd
Another rainy day, with light showers all day long. I didn’t do anything in the morning except hang around the B & B and do some R & R. After lunch I went to listen to Vanessa Foster, who is the chair of the board of the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition talk about what the fair was like twenty years ago. It was very interesting she had many of the Fantasia Fair newsletters that they had put out each day of the fair. She also talked about what it was like trying to keep in touch with the friends back before e-mail and the internet.
I then went to hear part two of "The Reality of the Real Life Experience", that got finished at four-thirty and I went back to the B & B and a couple that I know had just arrived from Connecticut. We later went out to dinner and then to Fantasia Fair Fashion show. The fashion show lived up to it usual high quality entertainment, my only comment was that I think that this year’s show was a little long. They have four categories, beach ware, casual ware, mall wear and eveningwear, and I think with the twenty-three participants it made the show too long. After the show I met another friend who had just come up from Connecticut also. Some of us headed over to the B & B that we were at last night. I left at a little before one and the party was still going strong.
Thursday October 23 rd
Today was a slow day for me, most of the seminars I wasn’t interested in, they were some that I had attended in past years or they were for couples. So I stayed around the B & B all morning and later went to lunch. After lunch I went to the luncheon talk, which was giving, by Dallas Denny, it was a great talk about the history of transgenderism. She covered some of the earliest known crossdressers way back in Egyptian time on to the present. Afterwards I went back to the B & B and sat around and read, these late hours get to me. I am not used to staying up late.
In the evening they had a cocktail party at another B & B. Afterwards I went to get some pizza with a friend and then to another B & B where I stayed until 11:30 when I walked back to the Carpe Diem. The streets were wet from the light rain we had all day and the cold wind was whipping up the alleyways and side streets. Heels echoing on the deserted pavement. Laughter heard come from the bars and me, Diana, just walking down the street, it was so peaceful.
Friday October 24 th
The day was windy and cold with the sun peeking out behind clouds once in awhile. I went to a morning seminar on hormones and at lunch we met another friend from Connecticut that came up for the day to help out at the Follies. After lunch I listen to the Keynote speaker Dr. Marci Bowers, who is the first transgendered surgeon who performs GRS. She was very interesting and informative and they had a very good turn out to listen to her talk. Then after the keynote address I went to Mariette Pathy Allen seminar on photograph and how to take portrait photographs, you know me and photography, need less to say that I enjoyed the seminar.
For dinner we went to the Crown and Anchor where the Follies were being held, so we could get a good seat at the follies. I guest a number of other had the same idea. Because the restaurant was packed and we had to wait for table there, as a result we didn’t get our usual seats at the follies. The follies were great. As usual it was packed, the town’s people just love the show. From the comments that I over heard from the town’s people that were sitting behind me, they think that this is one of the best shows all year.
After the show I went over to the B & B that I went to the other nights, I left a little before one.
Saturday October 25 th
The day turned out to be rather nice, sunny, not too cold but, a little on the windy side. Didn't do much all day, there was no seminar that I wanted to go to in the morning, so I went to lunch and then headed back to the B & B and read for awhile. I then went to the afternoon lecture called "Lost in the Pink Fog" which was about decompressing after being at the fair all week. Some people have a hard time going back home after being en-femme all week. It is kind of rough going back to work in boy mode and being asked "How was your vacation?" and not being able to answer.
Then I got ready to go to the Award's Banquet. The banquet was nice, but I thought that it was a little to long, it got over at 10:00. The social hour started at 6:30 and we didn't start eating until 8:30. However, I did enjoy myself and I got a lot of pictures of friends in their evening gowns. After the banquet I was beat and the couple I was with was also beat so we made an early night of it. I tell you, you have to pace yourself during the week or you will be dead tired by the end of the week.
Sunday October 26 th
I got up early and read until 8:00am and then I went to the breakfast at the B & B. I decided not to go to the Farewell breakfast that they had for the fair participants. Because some people I know were at the Cape this weekend and I didn't want to risk the chance that I may bump into them, see we are all in some type of closet no matter how open we are.
On the drive home I decided to go a different way, so in Rhode Island I took Rt. 165 to Rt. 138 and then Rt. 2. The ride was about twenty miles shorter however it took about the same amount of time. Next year I think I will go the Mass. Pike route
October 18 th
Well another year has passed and once again it's time to head off to Fantasia Fair, this year I am going up a day early. I was suppose to meet some friends there who were going up to Women's Week, however do to some medical problems they could not make it and it was to late for me to cancel my reservations. Oh, well..
The greatest thing about the week is that I will be away from work for nine whole days! Yeah! Also the fact that I can be myself for those days is also great, but it does not compare to being away from work. I didn't get out of work last night until almost eight, so I was there for over twelve hours ( I start at seven. ).
Today's forecast is for rain in the morning with a high of around fifty. And the forecast for the rest of the time is highs around sixty and lows in the upper thirties for the whole week, so if you are coming to the fair dress warmly. I will keep posting my diary from up there during the week.
October 10 th
I went to the Unity meeting up in Springfield last night, for this meeting the turn-out was good, eighteen people attended it. I meet a few faces I haven't seen in a while. Afterwards as usual a number of us went over to the coffee shop. I got home a little after eleven.
I have been asked, "Why do I go to all of the different meetings?" the answer is simple I have friends at the different groups that I like to visit. Yesterday, there were two friends at the meeting that I hadn't seen in a while, one is a former COS member and the other is a former Twenty Club member. It was nice to sit down with them and catch up with they been doing lately. There was also somebody there from the Sunshine Club that I talked to and got filled in what they are planning, by the way they are having a Masked Ball on November 15th.
A week from tomorrow and I will be heading up to Provincetown for Fantasia Fair and I have a million things that I have to do between now and then to get ready.
October 5 th
One of the things that I like to do is read the news on the web, most of the major newspapers around the world are on the web. But, also Google list the news articles on their "News" page, in addition you can sort by topic and of course the topic is sort by is "transgender". Today I came across this article by Gwen Smith, a nationally known trans activist, she has numerous articles that she has written for transgender magazines, in the Houston Voice. What caught my eye was the fact that it was by her and that it was on the Homeland Security warning that you had to watch out for terrorist who might be masquerading as women.
We she talked about was that the warning only mentions crossdressing and makes no mention of other disguise that they might wear, like as a clergy person or a police officer. That they only single out the transgender persons. Guilt by omission.
October 4 th
Only fourteen more days and I will be in Provincetown and Fantasia Fair will start the next day. I will be in P'town for nine day! And for nine days I won't have to worry about work.
I am really looking forward to this vacation, it is the only week long vacation I take from work. Peace and quite, no running around trying to get jobs out at the last minute, no e-mails, no alarm clocks. Just do what I want to do, when I want to do it.
Best of I get to be me for the whole week.
September 27 th
Had a busy week, between running around doing earns and going to meetings. We had our first COS meeting of the season on Wednesday and on Thursday was the Unity meeting in Springfield. The COS meeting was really great, we had a guest speaker in to talk about hair styles to match the face type and what color hair goes with what color of skin complexion. She did a really excellent job, she did a critique on each member individually and she answered all the questions we had with wit and humor. I made an appointment with her to get my wig styled and my nails done just before I leave for Fantasia Fair.
The Unity meeting had a low turnout, only six people, but the discussion was good. It was about how to select a physician and what test they should be running for someone on hormones. Then afterwards we all went over to the coffee shop in Forest Park.
The Twenty Club meeting this afternoon was a very emotional charged meeting and it had a very good turn-out, a lot better than in the past couple of meetings. We talked about spouses, children and families and their acceptance or lack of acceptance as the case maybe.
September 20 th
He is something for "food for thought" as the saying goes. I found this question on a blog that read, it is something that I have thought about before and the topic has come up at the different support groups that I attend. The question is, "If you pass, would you go out to a mall with a friend who does not pass, knowing that you would be outted?" So far when the question comes up with me, I have always gone out with my friends and conversely my friends have gone out with me.
But the question is not just a "Thought" question, for those of us who go out in public it will come up when one of our friends asks us if we want to go to the mall or to a restaurant. We will have to make that decision, I hope you and I will make that decision in favor of friendship.
It is not an easy choice to make especially if you or they are "Stealth". It is a very personal decision to make and I don't think that we can criticize a person for the choice that they make, it is their life and they have to do what they feel comfortable doing. It's like the same thing when we decide to tell our friends about ourselves, then we learn who our real friends are.
September 14 th
Well the summer doldrums are over.
Thursday was the meeting at Unity in Springfield, it was an interesting meeting to say the least. That's all that I will say about it, however afterwards some of us went to the coffee shop to sit around and talk. I got home around 11:30, which makes 5:30 come quickly the next morning.
Friday I went out to supper with some friends to celebrate a friend's birthday and her change of name, which she did on her birthday. But, she called me at 4:30, told me that she couldn't make the dinner and I had to tell her that the dinner was for her birthday. So she left work as early as she could and eventually was able to join us. I got home that night also around 11:30.
And on Saturday I had to pack the car to go to the Hartford Pride to set up the COS booth. My friend came over and helped me pack the car and set up the booth. In order to get to the booth at the festival you had to drive down a one-lane service road right next to the Connecticut River. The Pride Festival was held this year at Hartford's Riverfront Park and our booth was down next to the water. The day was overcast but the rain held off and there was only an occasional drizzle which did not dampen anyone festive sprite.
For the first time Connecticut's Governor Roland issued a proclamation which included intersexed, transgender and bisexuals thanks to the work of the Pride committee, Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition, Con-Bi-Nation, PFLAG and many other organizations and individuals.
We had a number of members from COS stop by our booth and rest their weary feet. And special thanks goes out to the member who stopped by and left us with a "Box of Joe", the coffee was greatly appreciated since for some reason you couldn't by coffee anywhere at Pride.
Afterwards we all helped pack my car, when I got home my friend and I started to unload the car and found out that someone had packed a friend's backpack along with all the other stuff. So it was off to East Hartford to leave off the backpack. When we got there he asked the question, "Did we eat supper yet?" So we all went over to another friend's house and had pizza there. Eventually I got home early last night at ten and I was fast asleep by 10:15.
August 31 st
I got an e-mail last night on the COS e-group mailing list, one of our members went out in public during the daytime for the first time, guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. She walked around town and nobody gave her a second look or made any comments. Her e-mail brought back memories of how I felt the first couple of times that I ventured out in public, how nervous and scared I was to be out ( See my early diary entries ). But nothing bad ever happened to me, yes there are the occasional laughter and comments and yes they hurt; however the vast, vast majority of people just don't care. I am still nervous going somewhere by myself, especial for the first time, but I think I am the same way in boy mode also. I always hated to go someplace by myself, like a bar.
On the list of things I want to do this is to go to Northhampton MA by myself, go shopping, and have dinner there. Some time when I am coming back from New Hampshire maybe then I will do it. You just take one small step at a time, what ever you feel comfortable with and then one day you will stop, turn around and say "Did I do all that?" and you will be amazed at how far you have come.
August 29 th
I blew it! I thought that the forum started at 7:30 when it really ended at that time, so I got there fifteen minutes before it ended. But, I still had a good time. I talked to everyone afterwards and I left at around eight-thirty. Oh well.
August 26 th
The summer doldrums are upon us. Not much has happen since the last entry. The past weekend I went up to the family cottage in Hew Hampshire with two friends and had a good time. It was windy and the wind made it feel cool, so I sat in the sun with the wind blocked by some bushes and it was rather nice. There I read "She's Not There" by Jennifer Finney Boylan, I finished most of it by the time we left for home on Monday and I highly recommend the book, it is a very interesting. At night we sat around the wood stove and played cards, we played Hearts. I had never played it before but it is an easy card game to learn, but the strategy takes a little while to figure out.
On the way home, Monday we stopped and had dinner in Northampton, MA. We sat outside in a second floor dining area. It was a beautiful day to sit outside and eat, to bad the weekend wasn't like that. I had a homemade beer and a Turkey Ruben sandwich.
Tomorrow is electrolysis and Thursday is a forum at the Project 100 Community Center in Hartford that I am going to. The same group that sponsored the forums at Wesleyan University and at the Hartford Stage performance of Hedwig is sponsoring this forum.
August 16 th
It has been a quiet couple of weeks. Last weekend I went to the Twenty Club meeting which was just the typical Twenty Club meeting.
Thursday was the sequel to the "Great Northeast Blackout of '65" here at my house nothing much happened, the lights flickered and dimmed but that's all. But, at work they lost power for about an hour, long enough for the batteries on the UPS to run down. Of course the company is too cheap to by the kind of UPS that shut down the servers first. Since I am the backup for the IT guy at work when he is on vacation, guest who had to deal with the racks of beeping and flashing servers on Friday morning. It took all day to get them back on line. What a wasted and stressful day.
Earlier in the week I got an e-mail saying that there was going to be a Transgender forum held after the Hedwig play Friday, so I went to it that night. It was pretty good, I showed up a little before the play ended and waited outside until the play got over and then went inside. It turned out I knew the entire panel members. A good portion of the audience stayed to hear the forum, I would say about a hundred people stayed. At least that may the day end on a positive note.
August 12 th
It seems that all the talk that the Human Rights Campaign ( HRC ) about including Transgendered was just that talk. They made a big to do about changing their mission statement to include Gender but if you look at their actions they have failed to include us in any of the bills that they supported, the score card is 5 to 0. New York, Arizona, Delaware, Maryland safe school initiative and the LocalLaw Enforcement Enhancement Act (LLEEA) all fail to include Gender. See the report that the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition, NTAC issued about HRC.
I am glad that these law and initiatives have been passed or being discussed every step forward is welcomed, but what I don't like is all of the publicity that the HRC had about including us and then they did nothing. That is very disappointing.
August 7 th
I went to the Hartford Stage Company presentation of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" last night. There were ten of us from COS and Unity who went to the show and I sat in the second row stage right, so I had a very good seat. The show was very dynamic, driving and full of energy. I was interested in how the play would differ from the movie, the play was a narrative about the life of Hedwig interspersed with the music. It was like a narrative rock concert. Anthony Rapp of "Rent" fame played Hedwig, he gave an excellent performance and he sang beautifully.
Before the movie three of us went to dinner at a restaurant just around the corner and after the play we went to a night club for a couple of drinks. It was a good night out on the town.
July 3 rd
I signed up for Fantasia Fair and sent off the check. I made reservation for the rooms last month so everything is all set for this October, all I have to do is mark down the calendar at work for the vacation. Of course I will not be marking down where I am going.
August 1st
Wednesday night I went to an outreach at a local university where we spoke to a graduate class in Human Sexuality. There were seven of us who went, we gave an introductory talk, and then the class was divided into three groups. We each talked to a group for twenty minutes and then switched to another group. This was nice in that it was a more intimate discussion and we could cover more topics. After the class we read their comments, most of them were pretty positive, but a few of them you could tell did get the part about sex and gender being separate.
Before the class, six of us went out to dinner at a local pizza place. So I had to rush home from work and change in order for us to eat and be on time for the class. I didn't get home until eleven o'clock.
Next week I going out to see the play "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" and also have dinner before the play.
July 27 th
He a fun day yesterday, I went to the Twenty Club picnic during the day and then to the Unity anniversary party at night.
The weather was beautiful, it wasn't to hot or humid and as a result they had a good turn out for the picnic. I got there around one and stayed until five. Then I went home, changed and was joined be two friends and I drove them up to the party in Orchard Park.
I had a nice time at the party saw a number of friends that I hadn't seen in a couple of months. With a little arm-twisting I was talked into staying to around midnight and I got home around one in the morning.
All in all I had a good weekend between going up to Northampton on Friday and yesterday.
July 26 th
I went up to Northampton Ma. with a friend yesterday to go shopping ( No parking tickets this time, I learned my lesson well. ). We went shopping and had dinner there. It was sidewalk sales day and most of the merchants had the wears out on the street for display. The day was beautiful high around ninety, dry and very sunny, we had nice walk around town looking at their merchandise. I ended up buying a cotton sleeveless dress. I would recommend Northamton for anyone who wants to get out to a nice TG friendly place, a couple of Ol? Tranny?s attracted no notice at all.
I would recommend Northamton for anyone who wants to get out to a nice TG friendly place, a couple of Ol' Tranny's attracted no notice at all.
Today is the Twenty Club picnic and tonight I am going back up to Massachusetts to Springfield for the Unity party.
July 20 th
Outed!
No matter how hard you try to keep your public and private lives separate, sometimes the two collide. If you go out in public or interface with others in anyway you always run into a chance of being found out. Even if you figure that going to a mall twenty-fives mile away from home you still have a chance of someone recognizing you. If you go to a Pride festival, your picture might end up on tomorrow's newspaper. If you post something on the web someone might recognize it and make the connection. It is a risk that we take and you must be prepared for it. Once it happens there is no taking it back, what is done, is done. The cats out of the bag. We must handle it in an adult manor and admit it, then get on with our lives. The only other option is to stay hiding in the closet, something I am not about to do again.
July 8 th
Over the long Forth of July weekend I went to a party on the forth at the home of a friend and also I went up to my family cottage in New Hampshire for the weekend and I invited a couple of friends along.
The weather was hot and humid all weekend long. On Friday it was up near one hundred and stifling humid, but the party was down near the shore where it was much cooler. I was rather nervous because her family was there along with some of her family friends. There was another couple from COS there but I was going as Diana, not in male mode. Once I started to relax I enjoyed the party and joined in the conversation.
Saturday morning I headed up north. I had two friends from Connecticut come up and visit, one whose party I attended the night before and the other a FTM that I know from uniTy. We all had a good time the weather was not the oppressive heat and humidity that was back down in Connecticut and the temperature was about ten degrees cooler. If we got hot we just jumped into the lake to cool off. We stayed until Monday and then headed home late in the afternoon.
It was one fabulous weekend, I got some interesting tan lines.
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