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| Never Fitting In |
| Do I Belong! |
| The Journey Still Walkin' Uncertain beginnings Being a State Ward Truth and Lies Never Fitting In Your Aboriginal Assimilation Love of Two Mothers A False Father Adoption My Art Links |
| The Biggest question for me has been, "where do I fit in"? Until a few years ago I though it was with my adoptive family...but when my adooptive mum died in late 2004, I realised that she had been the glue that bound me to them all. Along with her went my sense of belonging. I have to re-discover my place here. Through the passage of time and just plain ol' growing up, my adoptive siblings have been removed from the pedistools I once placed them on as a child. Childhood eyes are often oblivious to reality, and this cerainly was the case for me. As I grew older I not only saw, but felt the resentment of my exsistence in the family. Whether it came becasue I was the youngest child by 10 years, or becasue it was seen as an invasion on their turf, or becasue my relationship with my adopted mum was built on something stronger then a normal mothers and daughters...I dont know. But the bottom line is, that resentment is there, and to this day it remains there. I recall a disscussion (argument) that one of my brothers once had with me...just before he threw myself and 2 of my kids out the door one rainy night, after, mind you he had invited us over for dinner...haha.... but quite honestly and sincerely he said to me with anger in his eyes and heart, "go find your own mum and dad, these are mine". Ah, the words of a 38 year old! What is one to say! Actions speak louder then words, therefore I cannot convey the underlayng resentment that I feel from my other siblings...only to say that it is there. Next >> |
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| A Catholic upbringing... was difficult to conform to |