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The Story Of A Broken Heart
I know we have all had a broken heart at one time and sometimes that hurt never seems to fade away no matter how much time passes by. So here is my story. The story of the one that got away and left a hole in my heart that will never be repaired. I hope in someway this will help the rest of you trying to find a way to heal and also those of you who feel you have lost it for not finding a way to let go. Well, you are not alone......

The Beginning....
Never did I believe I could feel like this. Lost in a web of emotions with no way out. Yearning to be near yet knowing I should let go. Leaves me confused, angered, and hurt. Trying to face the facts that it would never work yet somewhere hoping something will bring us together. Wishing the past to disappear, praying the future to hold you near. Even though there may be another in your life I believe that I could do you better if only given the chance. But will I ever get that chance? People talk and I fear you can't handle it. But if you would admit to what you are feeling inside it may come easily. The strength needed to handle what others think and follow what is inside your heart. I've heard them talk and what they say yet still I believe you aren't as tough as you seem. Or else I am hoping that maybe it is all an act. So others won't see what you are feeling inside. I am sure alcohol played the initial role but was that the only factor or was there more? Have you felt something before? Do you now? Will I ever know the truth? Can I face it? I have thought long and hard about how it started. When was the first time I saw you in a different light? It was a year ago that you first caught my eyes making me realize there was more to you than I first thought. Feelings were hidden and I played a great game. Trying to forget what I felt and ignore what I wanted. But Saturday night was all too much for me to bear.

The First Meeting....
Walking into that club knowing you were there those feelings I had hidden came surfacing again. My initial plan was to stay away knowing you knew nothing of me in such a light. It worked for awhile but often I would find my eyes drifting your way wondering, hoping that maybe someway I could make my way to you. But I held strong, told myself no and then walked away. Outside, I saw you and we caught eyes and before I knew it I was heading to the dance floor with you. It happened so quickly I didn't know what to do but soon enough I realized why you had me there. You wanted to know why I was there but then and there things started to change. Whether it was the music, the alcohol, or a little of both things quickly changed course. Before I knew it you had commented on my body and that is when I lost all control. From the moment you grabbed me to dance I had butterflies dancing in my stomach, my palms were sweaty, and my knees were weak but I was sure it was only me so I tried to keep my composure. But being in your arms with the music surrounding us I was lost. Lost in the dream of what could be but remembering all too much why it would not. I can't remember when it happened all I can remember is how it felt when we kissed. Was it you or was it me? I can't remember. All I know is it was meant to be,

Reality hits hard....
Reality hit us hard when we opened our eyes. Remembering where we were and seeing who had witnessed that loss of control. Yet for some reason it didn't stop there. Dancing through the night relapsing into a realm of no control we crossed too many lines. People tried to pull us apart but once again you ended up by my side. Was it the alcohol again or were emotions taking over? I guess I will never know because all too soon the night ended and at our next meeting reality was far too real. For some reason I believed you felt something but Sunday made it all unclear. Uncomfortable, worried, scared was what we were. You in denial trying to act tough, me confused starting to realize it was all a mistake even though in my heart I realized it was nothing but right. People talked to you and I and soon I knew it was all a joke. Something caused by alcohol and nothing more. Then at dinner once just once our eyes locked and I thought maybe just maybe yet those people once again told me to forget and move on. So I tried, tried apologizing to you but was shut off. It had become this unspoken sin we were going to forget. But I couldn't. In the car you next to me I was once again in heaven and for a split second I thought maybe you were too but then we talked of that night and you found out it was my first in such a place (a gay bar) and you said it all got worse.

Confusion sets in.....
But things changed again after we dropped you off and I was told how you began to let your front down and ask questions about me and that hope reappeared. But I was lost, confused, happy and sad. I knew then that there was someone else but still I was told you softened up. So now here I sit with thoughts only of you hoping that somehow that other will disappear or that after the initial shock wears off I will still be in the back of your mind. Hoping somehow our past can be overlooked, that you will see me as I am and not what I once was. That age will disappear and you will be mine even though deep down I know I am only dreaming but many things make me think maybe just maybe. Yet here I still sit afraid to call the one person who will answer my questions, too afraid to face the fact that you might say no, so instead I listen to others opinions and think that maybe you too are listening to others and that is what prevents us from calling one another and facing the consequences of our actions. Maybe soon I will hoping that if I persue you it won't be as hard knowing that you have not influenced me in anyway and realize that there is a part of me you never knew existed and that you are attracted too. But here I sit believing I have no chance but counting on fate to lead us back to dance that line of sin again.

The Next Meeting....
Two days passes and I was still am ess of emotions. Wondering what to do and trying to find a way to let go. Yet on Wednesday as I pulled into the parking lot there you were. As soon as I saw your car my heart was racing and as I took my seat on the bleachers I watched you walk down the left field fence. And there you stood while my eyes hidden behind sunglasses looked at nothing but you. Feeling those emotions wash away any control I had left. Before I knew it you were gone and disappointment filled my sould. You didn't even say a word to me but then there you were only this time on the right field fence. By this time it was too much for me to bear so I walked to my car and grabbed my phone. With my best friend on the other line I tried to calm myself down but when I looked up in your direction you were facing my car. So my hopes were back up. As I walked back to the stands there you were standing no five feet from where I had been sitting. Scared to death, weak in my knees I stood there waiting to see what you would do. Finally you spoke, asking the score I replied and was rewarded with the most beautiful smile, the one I remembered from Saturday night. That opened the door and we quickly slipped into the subject of my sister needing your number. Before I realized what had happened I was walking with you to your car and we were talking of Saturday night. Even joking about it. We talked for a few minutes. You teased me about searching for your number yet you did not seem upset about it. Then you drove away and I was left once again wondering how and the hell I could make you mine. Minutes later as I was leaving the game I heard my name and looked up to find Misty who in turn told me you had told her to tell me hello or something. Now why would you do that?

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