| The Call Later that night sitting at Kelly's I found my nerve and called you. Thankfully I got the answering machine and left a message asking you what you thought you said at the club Saturday night. Not a half hour later as i was on my way home the phone ranf and it was you. Nervous, scared, and excited we talked for thirty minutes about nothing in particular. We talked about softball, of school, and of course about that night. You told me how I was in a phase and I tried to make you believe otherwise. You also told me how I had blindsided you when I spoke of how long I have been attracted to you. At the end of our conversation you asked about my plans for easter and the summer. I with my hopeful heart prayed it was because you were interested but as of yet I do not know the answer. As I sar on instant message with Freaney that night she informed me you had called her asking about me the previous night. I was ecstatic, even though she said you played two different roles once again. One, the hard ass acting as if you didn't want me to call and the other acting flattered and still questioning her about me. Now why is that? Do I have a chance or am I setting myself up for a fall? Now I sit wondering if I should call you for the hell of if. I don't know what I would say but something is telling me to do it but I am scared of feeling 12 again. So I guess I will sit wondering until I find the damn nerve to pick up the phone and go with the flow. Hopefully soon you will answer all my questions and I will know whether to keep trying or let go but until then I will keep dreaming. |
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| Things begin to look up.... Well, I finally found that nerve deep down within that made me dial your number. When you answered the phone my heart was in my throat and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to speak. But I did and for about twenty minutes we takled as good friends, bullshitting about our weekends. Yet all of a sudden you brought up my KB nickname (the kissing bandit). Now, as much as I tried to tell you I had lost my title you failed to believe me. You were convinced you were just another notch on my KB belt and I blew you off now I wish I could have said more. god, if you only knew how much that night meant to me. My KB incidents don't comtinue past one night but this time I am calling you. Truing to get a feel for what you think so I can prepare myself for let down or pure heaven. Trying to get my foot in the door while I have a chance. Maybe wednesday will be that night where I have my chance again. I am supposed to call you to let you know what is going on, atleast this phone call will be easy since I have a reason this time. |
| Jackpot!!!! Well tuesday night my dreams came true. Driving around with Kelly as usual drinking some beer my phone rings and it was you. Even though I had left a message on your machine previously that night you had not received it yet. And to my surprise you were in the creek.( my neighborhood) Shocked as hell, I freaked out worrying about my appearance. Never expecting to see you I had thrown on jeans, a wife beater and a sweatshirt, as well as having my hair in a ponytail. We decided I would drop by Freaney's to see you especially since you are in the creek. Kelly meanwhile is trying to calm my ass down. As we pull into the parking lot I stop to take a few deep breaths. Gaining some composure I step into Freaney's room and about fall over from the sight of you. We bullshit and joke about you driving to the creek and before I know it Kelly is driving you and your car back to her house so we can hang out and drink. I am confused but walking on cloud nine. When we get to Kelly's house we sit down and turn on the radio open a six-pack. After talking for awhile Kel gets up and heads to the bathroom. Then quickly you had grabbed my hands to look at my rings. Although the feel of your touch sent me soaring I remained in control on the outside. Kel returns and I decided to sit in the bubble chair next to you. We keep talking, sharing stories and all too soon we were out of beer. I am not quite sure how it happened but Kel ended up going to get beer by herself and we were left alone. From that point on all my wishes from previous were beginning to come true. You asked me why I thought you were in the creek and I honestly had no idea. well, apparently you came to see me. I was blindsided by that confession. That question launched us into a conversation of how we were attracted to one another and eventually we were kissing again only to be distracted by a phone call for a moment. By the time Kelly returned I was in heaven. Somehow when I was least expecting it you ended up by my side. The night from then on out was a blur. You stayed laying on the floor well within reach of me and often I would find our hands together. Finally I got the nerve to lightly rub your back. Eventually, that night had to come to an end. We decided to take you back home and with you next to me and Kelly following in your car we talked about all that had happened between us. You kissed me twice more. Once as we stepped into the car and once when you were getting out. Leaving me with the feel and taste of heaven. On the way home I couldn't stop smiling. How and the hell did that just happen? I even asked kelly if it was for real. I replayed the events of that night over and over agian in my mind. You asked to take me out for my birthday. Just us. You asked to kiss me. Told me you still wanted to give me a shot. Told me others had pushed you in my direction. Wow, unbelievable!!! I awoke the next morning once again asking Kelly if I was dreaming and continued my day wakling on cloud nine with a smile fixed upon my face! |
| Disappointment Sits in..... I thought ahead to the next time you would be mine again. hoping it would be that night when we went out. Well, it wasn't. Plans deteriorated. I all dressed up left a message for you saying we all planned to go out around 11 but before I knew it everyone cancelled except for Kelly. So maybe that is why you never called back. Maybe it was because you were dead tired from your game. Who knoes but I was disappointed even though I knew this was part of the game we were playing. I still have the rose for you and your birthday card but I am scared with what to do with it. Maybe tonight rain won't prevent me from leaving it on your car but mayber fear will take over tonight. Fear that you acted all on a druken impulse again. Fear it will be pushing it a little to far. Maybe tonight my phone will ring. Maybe not. All I know is I am not going to call you. I can be patient, even if it kills me. Hopefully, something will happen so I can invite you to the cookout on Saturday at Lea's house. I will just have to wait and see. to stay on this emotional rollar coaster for a little while longer. Maybe, hopfully once again I will be blindsided.... but until then here I will sit once again wondering wishing and hoping that fate will lead us back together again to cross that line of sin...... |
| Well, that is where that play by play ends but there is much more to get off of my chest.. If you wish to keep reading the poems and thoughts I have written click here |
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