| On a day like today� On a day like today I think of a fallen angel. I loved her once. I loved her fair skin, smooth and white, and her red hair like fire. She smiles at me from far away and I look back at her with doubt. I fall to her, and fall to her, and fall to her again. I let the doubt be pushed away and I fall to her again. She holds me for a minute and then throws me to the fires of hell, on a day like today. On a day like today she held me, held me under the black sky of night. She told me quietly that she loved me. She held me, and she held me, and held me. I couldn�t see her face or the tears in her eyes. Did she know that she would ignore me later? Did she know that she would leave me for others? Were the others better than me? Is that what the tears for? The tears she cried on a day like today. On a day like today she told me that she loved me. I looked at her and I smiled and said that no one could ever love me. I told her I wasn�t worth her love. She cried and I held her and she asked me why. I told her that she could love someone or anyone who was better than me. She cried in my arms on a day like today. On a day like today we sat in her car and talked. Her red hair falling over her shoulders onto her neck. She looked at me with her head slightly lowered, and then turned her face to me. I looked into her eyes and felt the pain in my heart. She moved closer and I moved further, and I turned, looking into the window to see the own pain in my eyes. I turned so I wouldn�t burden her with that pain. She wanted me to kiss her on a day like today. On a day like today I told her that I loved her. She looked at me and turned her head. I asked her what was the matter and she wouldn�t answer. I felt the pain raise again and I felt like I didn�t matter to her or anyone. I was hurt so badly by her on a day like today. On a day like today my heart hurts. I don�t want it to, but it does. She doesn�t care about me. She talks about others to me about others, she doesn�t know, she doesn�t care if I hurt. I will hurt privately and maybe cry. It won�t matter if I cry, she won�t know if I do or if I don�t. Nothing will matter on a day like today. On a day like today I will talk to her. Her voice will sing to me and I will listen to the music. I will touch her face and maybe she will respond to my hand and kiss me. Maybe again she will turn her head and cry. Having her cold tears fall on my hand and the bitter remorse that I was wrong yet again. I was wrong about a lover on a day like today. On a day like today I failed myself again. I sat at home alone on a day like today. On a day that was today I was alone. I thought of all of this, experienced it all again. I felt it in the span of a moment. I felt it over the lapse of hours. I relived moments in my life on a day like today. On a day like today I might die in the future. I could breathe my last breath and have all of the things that I have inside of me still be here. Will I still be looking for love? Will I be in love? Everything will go dark on a day like today. 05/01/2001 00:25:02 |
| How can it be that the people in this world that need the most love, feel like they receive no love at all? I know that there are people that tell me that they love me, and I love those people, but I just want someone. I want someone to hold, and to be with, who wants to be with me, and doesn�t feel obligated to be around me. I wish that someone would fall on my doorstep and say �Hi, what are you doing tonight? Lets go somewhere and be together and enjoy some time together.� I wish I could give someone a big hug, and they hold me back as tightly and with as much care as I hold them. I wish I wasn�t alone. I guess that is what it all boils down to. 05/12/2001 15:08:10 |
| I just want something that is real. I am tired of letting people from my past come back for a second round of torture. I just wish I could live in the present like everyone else. Live in the part of the world that is happening today, and not the part of my life that happened yesterday� I guess I just need to stop looking back. I have to learn to live each day for that day only, and not to rationalize all the past actions of the days before it. Today is the only day of my life. Today is the first day of my life, and I will have another today tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come, but at least I had today. 05/16/2001 22:50:30 |
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