| 5-22-01, dear estella... i can't go on like this, needing you this way. i cant go on trying to hold back the tears after closng my eyes and seeing your face. i cant go on letting the thought of you not with me continue to rip me apart, i need you so much, but i cant go on with this, i have to let you go, i have to find a way to get you out of my head. i can't even look at another girl without feeling like i'm betraying you. i cant take waking up in the morning knowing i wont get to hold you. i cant deal with the fact that there will always be someone else you would rather be with, and i can't live without letting you know i love you. if i could only tell you how much i've wanted to be with you since the day we met, even if you ran away at least then i would be able to try and live without you... but i cant tell you how i feel, i cant not ever see you again. i cant have you run from me because of the way i feel about you. why do you have to be all i ever wanted and all i'll never have? why was it that you were laid out in front of me only to taunt me with your splendor. i feel like Pip in Great Expectations and i can almost hear Ms. Havisham whispering in your ear, "break his heart"... would you be my Estella? would you be the only thing i want but never to have wanted in return? would you turn me away with contempt just because you could? are you my Estella? for Pip could never see the truth that laid in her eyes, everytime she turned him away he loved her more... would you break my heart Estella? would you be so cruel? |
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