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BY NOW YOU'VE HEARD THE TALE OF FRIGHT  ----> A reference to the original skit in 1997

ABOUT THAT FATEFUL NIGHT

'ROUND THE FIREPLACE AT MABEL'S SALOON





IF IT HASN'T REACHED ONE AND ALL

WELL, IT'S HUNG UP ON THE WALL

OF THE CABIN, BEHIND THE SPITTOON





BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON

MANY YEARS HAVE COME AND GONE

AND THE STORY NEEDS SOME UPDATING





SO LET'S CATCH UP TO WILD BILL

STILL CAMPED OUT IN THE HILLS

IT'S THE NEWS YOU'VE BEEN ANTICIPATING





SINCE THE NIGHT BILL STEPPED OFF HER PORCH

OL' MABEL'S CARRIED A TORCH  ---> Again played by Tracy Jackson!

MORE LIKE A BONFIRE, NOT LIKE A LAMP





AND, LATER THAT SAME NIGHT

WITH WILD BILL STILL IN HER SIGHT

SHE FOLLOWED HIM BACK TO HIS CAMP





TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT

BILL'S SHIP FOUND IT'S PORT

AND BILL AND MABLE SOON HITCHED  ---> Again, Wild Bill played by Wild Bill Eggleston





SHE MANAGED TO KEEP HIM FED

WASH HIS CLOTHES, MAKE HIS BED

AND KEPT HIS BACKBRITCHES STITCHED





AND MABEL TURNED IT AROUND

AND MOSTLY SETTLED DOWN

HAVING SEEN THE ERR OF HER WAYS





BECAME MANAGING PARTNER AT THE STABLE  ---> The local house of "Bill" repute

HIRING INTERNS WHO WERE EAGER AND ABLE

THOUGH SHE'D STILL WORK SOME ON THE SLOW DAYS





AND BILL SET HIS BAND FREE

SAID "WHAT WE NEED IS DEMOCRACY!"

AND PICKED THE BEAR AS HIS RUNNING MATE





THE DEAD CHIEFTAIN BILL ONCE KILLED  ---> The indian burial ground thing (see 1997's skit)

(SO THAT THE PROPHECY MIGHT BE FULFILLED)

CAME BACK AS THE OPPOSING CANDIDATE





AND BILL WON BY A LANDSLIDE!

WELL, OK, 43%�S NOTHING TO HIDE  ---> An obscure reference to Clinton's "landslide" victory total in 1992

OR BE ASHAMED OF..... WELL, AT LEAST HE WON





ANYWAY, BILL AND MABEL MADE A HOME

OUT WHERE THE DEER AND BUFFALO ROAM

UNTIL THEY�RE BROUGHT DOWN BY WILD BILL�S GUN





THE TALE SO FAR SOUNDS SWEET

BUT IT IS NOT YET COMPLETE

FOR THE ILL WINDS HAVE YET TO BLOW





UNTIL THE DAY BILL WENT TO VISIT MABEL

HE THOUGHT SHE�D GONE DOWN TO THE STABLE

AND HE WAS, CAN WE SAY.....�GOOD TO GO�





BY THE TIME BILL GOT THERE

MABEL HAD LEFT TO GET HER HAIR

FIXED UP AT THE LOCAL SALON





BUT BILL WAS IN BAD SHAPE

AS FRISKY AS AN APE

AND HE HAD A MAJOR HARD........TIME





DECIDING WHAT TO DO

WHEN IN WALKED MONICA LOU  ---> Does it even need explaining?  Played by Miss Ali Rushing

THE NEWEST OF MABEL�S YOUNG INTERNS





SHE HAD RAVEN BLACK HAIR

BILL COULDN�T HELP BUT STARE

AND FELT A FIRE DEEP WITHIN HIM BURN





"MONICA LOU, HONEY

"I DON�T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY

"BUT WHAT I DO HAVE IS A LOT OF POWER





"I�VE ALWAYS HEARD THAT IF IT�S ORAL

"THEN, BY GOD, IT�S NOT IMMORAL

"AND MABEL WON�T BE BACK FOR AN HOUR!"





WELL, THE ALLEGED DEED WAS DONE

AND BEFORE THE CLOCK STRUCK ONE

BILL AND MONICA SAT SHARING A MEAL





AND WHEN THE MEAL WAS THROUGH

BILL PULLED OUT HIS SAX AND PLAYED SOME BLUES

EVERYONE KNOWS OF HIS GREAT "SAX APPEAL"





AS THE LAST NOTE WAS PLAYED

HE NOTICED MONICA LOU LOOKED DISMAYED

AND IN WALKED MABEL WITH HER NEW BURR





BILL TURNED WHITE AS A SHEET

BUT, IN A HEARTBEAT

CRIED "HONEY, I�M A VICTIM OF FRIENDLY FUR!"  ---> I don't think this was ever an official slogan, but it was suggested one year





"I CAME BY TO SEE YOU

"BUT INSTEAD MET MONICA LOU

"AND SHE KEPT TELLING ME SHE WAS HUNGRY





"SO I GAVE HER SOMETHING TO EAT.....

"I, I MEAN, I BOUGHT HER A TREAT

"UH, MABEL, DARLING, YOU SURE DO LOOK ANGRY"





BUT OL� MABEL THREW A FIT

AND SHE SLAPPED, SCRATCHED AND BIT

AND GAVE POOR OLD BILL A GOOD BEATING





AND ALL THE WHOLE WHILE

MONICA LOU JUST SAT AND SMILED

WHILE BILL SCREAMED "HONEY, EATING AIN�T CHEATING!"  ---> a premonition of weight loss programs to come, 
                                                                                                                                this was Weight Watcher's slogan sometime back





WELL, THINGS SIMMERED DOWN

MABEL KEPT BILL AROUND

AND HIS POPULARITY�S ON THE RISE





BUT BILL�S JUST A PUPPET

NOW MABEL SITS ON THE TUFFETT

AND THEIR MARRIAGE IS A COMPROMISE





SHE HAS NO TIME FOR SEXUAL GAMES

WHILE THE WHOLE WORLD�S IN HER REINS

AND SHE STILL LETS BILL RAPE AND PILLAGE





SHE NEVER REALLY WAS RIGHT

TO FILL HIS HEARTY APPETITE

TO SATISFY HIM, IT TAKES A VILLAGE  ---> Hillary's Book, get it?!?!?!?





SO BILL AND THE BEAR

STILL ROMP WITHOUT CARE

AND WE�VE PUT THIS STORY THROUGH IT�S COURSES





BUT IN THE MANY TWISTS AND TURNS

THE ONE THING WE�VE ALL LEARNED

IS "NEVER AGAIN WITHOUT WOMEN AND HORSES!"  ---> 1995? Team Slogan