I have never felt the need to keep a diary until now. Today has changed my life and I am not sure yet if it will be for the better or for the worse. Today, dear diary, I found out I have cancer. Even though I am not surprised, due to the extensive family history of cancer, it was very unexpected. I have always been a fairly healthy person up until the past three or four years anyway. I have traveled the world, married, had two children, divorced (twice), went to college and earned a Master's degree, attended both my children's weddings, and now have grandchildren. I have tried to live my life as a good person and a good Christian. I have always been able to accept what health problems I have developed over the past fourty nine years without question. Now I have to try even harder not to question God as to why I now have cancer.
I realize I have not been active in church like I should be. I also know what my children are going through now and what they will have to face later. I have been in their position with my own Mother and her short fight with cancer. Even though my Mother had a different type of cancer than I do, the word "cancer" itself brings back many painful memories of sickness and death. The type of cancer I have is seldom fatal when caught soon enough. I do not know yet if my disease has been caught in time or not, but, I will pray that it has. My children are both in the denial stage right now, especially my son, Jason. My daughter, Athena, will at least say the word "cancer" whereas my son won't.
I called the oncologist I am going to see about the appointment for an evaluation. He has not been in the clinic yet so I have to wait another week before getting an appointment. My son has started showing signs of anger that he is directing towards me. I understand and say nothing to him about it. He refuses to discuss it and will not listen when I try to tell him it might not be fatal. To him, all cancer is a death sentance. I only hope his wife, Treva, will be able to grt through to him. She has done some research on it on the internet. She knows I have a type of skin cancer (squamous cell) that has attacked the mucus membranes somewhere in my body. Where, I don't know yet. I hope to find out where soon. I just wish my son would accept the fact I have cancer and that I am going to be OK. I plan on living for at least twenty or thirty more years just so I can cause my children all kinds of trouble. They are not going to get off easy. I am going to torment them in my old age just as they tormented me in their younger days. I love them with all my heart and I know they love me and we do have a good relationship. I guess it will be up to me to prove I will be alright and nothing real bad is going to happen. I have done it before, so I will do it again.
