June 22, 2003
I finally have an appointment with the oncologist on July 17, 2003. It really seems like a long time, but, it is a busy office. I am getting used to the fact that I have cancer. I have accepted it amd will make the best of a bad situation. My grandkids keep me busy and I try to continue my normal activities throughtout the day. I do not want anyone to treat me different just because I have the big "C". Some of my friends think they have to do things for me, as if I am unable to do for myself. I have been in positions in the past where my family had to wait on me hand and foot and I do not like it. I am too independent and plan to stay that way for as long as possible.
My sister just moved to North Dakota and does not know any of this yet. I am afraid that when she finds out she will turn around and make a bee-line right back here to Las Vegas, with or without her boyfriend! I haven't written to my sister in Illinois yet. I have been estranged from her for almost three years now. I have written to her and received no reply. In fact, she moved. I have her new address and plan to write to her again soon. I do not expect her to write back though. Oh well, it is her choice. She is the one that has refused to write or keep in touch with me.
I also have a friend in Florida I have not told yet. We have been friends for over thirty years. We went to junior high school together in Minot, North Dakota. We were always together. We made an instant friendship connection and even though we lost touch for many years, we have reconnected and the friendship continues today. I do not know how she will react, but, I guess I will find out soon. I plan on writting to her tonight.
The rest of my family in Arkansas and Louisiana have been told and are very supportive and loving as always. My Aunts and Uncles and cousins there are all on my father's side. I have lost contact with my family on my mother's side. I am in the process of trying to locate some of them but it is a long and drawn out process.I use the internet a lot.
Well, I guess I will go for now. I will write more another day.
July 15, 2003
I now have only one more day before my first appointment with the oncologist. I have not really been feeling my best for the past few days. My blood sugar has been staying high and I have been feeling more tired than usual. I know I have been staying up later at night, but, I can't sleep. Now, my daughter is having trouble with her pregnancy and had to be taken to the hospital last night because she was having severe abdominal pain. I think I worry more about her than I do myself. I watch my grandchildren a lot and do more around the house than I really should. I really need to start thinking about me I guess.
This is going to be my last entry until after the 17th. Will write more then.
July, 28, 2003
I went to the doctor on the 24th and he did not tell me much. He called the lab that did the biopsy and asked them to re-read the slides and he would call me back this week. He did say that this was going to be very difficult. Then he asked me if I was always this difficult and I told him I try. He hs not called me yet. I am glad because today is my daughters 23rd birthday.If he doesn't call me in the morning, I am to call him tomorrow afternoon.
My sister that I have not spoken to in almost 3 years wrote me and we have now re-established our relationship. We have talked on the phone as well and I think that we will continue to re-build the friendship we once had.
I will write more later when I know more.